James18

I'm on page 80 (or thereabouts) and the book is really beginning to click. I have been uncomfortable with the term 'alcoholic' and I don't believe I'm chemically dependent on alcohol and I really don't want to get involved with AA. I've been struggling to admit to being an addict even, even though I have the behaviour of one. Since I have been trying to stop, more than a few times I have 'decided' to drink, rather than 'had to' for whatever reasons 'alcoholics' give. I don't believe I'm 'powerless over alcohol' but believe my drinking habits have become unmanageable. I'm not sure where the addictive voice comes into play but I've come to the conclusion I make bad decisions and my continuing decision to drink is just a part of that. I drink for pleasure to replace boredom, frustration, anger, guilt etc. etc. with a high. It doesn't work any more and I'm beginning to understand where I'm going wrong. Things need to change and I'm beginning to see a way out.

I have difficulty making good decisions and also have difficulty saying 'no' especially when I'm tired or hungry. These two issues are big problems for me I need to work on. I need to stop being ambivalent about drinking and take a side - yes or no for good. I hold myself %100 responsible for my current predicament with alcohol and my past problems with drugs.

I have always enjoyed getting high and it's completely taken over my decision making process, I need to take that power back.

freshstart57

I think that is a powerful understanding, James, when you say you drink for the pleasure it brings you. Of course it brings you pleasure! It brings pleasure but at a great and ever increasing cost.

You say that you need to take that power back. You can add this thought: 'You CAN take that power back'. The rubber will meet the road though when you say, 'You WILL take that power back.

I think you realize that you have all the tools you need to do this. There is no better time than right now. Make the jump, come on in, the water is fabulous!

CelticZebra

I watched a documentary about Ozzy Osbourne last night, I've seen it before but saw it differently now I'm sober, I could relate to some of what he said, not dissimilar to yourself James, about wanting to get high. I have feel the same for a very long time but for me now it's more about being content with how I feel each moment and looking for my 'highs' in naturally occurring ways. Like finding a way to get 'high on life', for me it's a much better buzz because I'm in control ... I'll soon be driving the wagon I'm on! Replacing 'high' with 'hope' is working for me, the whole of my life to look forward to instead of a few Highs and lots and more days of despair, sorry waffling again.
I hope you can find a way through the difficult down days to lead to to the sunny, sober side of life
Enjoy the journey!

SoberRecoveryApp via mini Zebra iPad

James18

Natural highs are always better than chemical ones, once you learn to appreciate them. I took life pretty much for granted most of the time and then now I wonder why I feel the need to get high (well, drink these days). The natural highs of life are more subtle and I guess I didn't know how to notice them when I was younger. That way of thinking is over though, and I need to learn to appreciate life again.

Shining~Again

tried to send you a pm but got this : "James18 has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her."

And I thought we were mates! :-P

So - the low energy and hunger thing? Same thing in my past.
I know I've written about this to you so this is just a reminder (nag nag nag)
to
try practicing HALT (hungry angry lonely tired/thirsty) and see if
it helps you on the journey.
Glad to see also you're into the AVRT. Great stuff!

Cheers!
Me

Riel

Realizing you drink for the pleasure it brings you is an important step in succeeding with AVRT.

Most of the rationalizations that people use for their drinking - bad parents, grief, finances etc. - are pure AV.

We drink to excess because intoxication feels good and our brain is hard-wired to equate pleasure with survival.

volcano

I love hearing someone else say they're not "sick", or "powerless"! Always got on my nerves to hear that...

A lot of us also drank to deal with stress too. We told ourselves we couldn't handle certain things without alcohol, just like we told ourselves we couldn't have fun without it. One of the best things about getting sober is finding out you CAN!

jbass

re-reading RR now, and that right there is it for me - ambivalence and free will.

ambivalence as defined by dictionary.com:

Psychology . the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

that pretty well sums up my relationship with the bottle for most of my life; short-term fun but long-term consequences. I am ready to change that.

I chose to try alcohol. I chose to continue drinking for 20 yrs. I choose to stop now. I will not choose to drink again in the future.

freshstart57

That sounds suspiciously like a Big Plan to me, JBass. Well done, and congratulations to you!

jbass

yes it is. thanks.

HenryKrinkle

This is great stuff James!

RR didn't really click for me until the 2nd time I read it. Now I find the whole philosophy behind it is something I strongly identify with. It just makes so much sense to me. I can't imagine doing it any other way. RR helps me to just live as a normal person who doesn't drink, without the need to dwell on it. Such a relief to live life like this.

HenryKrinkle

.

CelticZebra

Still having trouble dealing itch stress but still sober
Trying to find ways to fit some quality relaxation time into everyday
Congrats to all of us

Arbor

Great book. Great read. Need to revisit it again myself. Inspired me back in the fall. Some great words there James. Thank you.