I watched a documentary about Ozzy Osbourne last night, I've seen it before but saw it differently now I'm sober, I could relate to some of what he said, not dissimilar to yourself James, about wanting to get high. I have feel the same for a very long time but for me now it's more about being content with how I feel each moment and looking for my 'highs' in naturally occurring ways. Like finding a way to get 'high on life', for me it's a much better buzz because I'm in control ... I'll soon be driving the wagon I'm on! Replacing 'high' with 'hope' is working for me, the whole of my life to look forward to instead of a few Highs and lots and more days of despair, sorry waffling again.
I hope you can find a way through the difficult down days to lead to to the sunny, sober side of life
Enjoy the journey!
SoberRecoveryApp via mini Zebra iPad