13unluckyforsom

Hi I'm really glad your sticking around - time to kick some beast @ss! Lol..

Good work doing the crash course - I still remember being totally amazed the first time I read through it - I think my beast was a bit dumbstruck that something had managed to slice through its BS in ten minutes flat lol I think he secretly admires the course!

Anyways - your sounding pretty aware already on the separation side of things - I think it really helps to read other peoples stories and it offers a lot of insight into what lengths and lows your AV will stoop to, to get that drink.

Have you made your big plan yet?

rc4dt1

I think so. I went through the flash cards and the crash course. Then I said "I will never drink again" … ever, ever… That's my big plan, right? Aside from that my plan is to stay plugged in here, get some therapy for other life stressors, keep hitting the gym, and stay away from slippery places. Today is only 5 days clean so I would be naive to think that I am not going to face some really tough times, which is scary. I know my AV is going to come on really strong and I must stay equally if not more strong.

I hear that beast mo-fo in the background constantly. It's going to come on even louder down the line. I wish I could literally beat the hell out of it. Maybe I will look into boxing or something so I can envision myself pounding on its face. Maybe get a tattoo reminding me of my evil beast. All these ideas.

That's another thing… the racing thoughts. Drinking would make them numb for a bit, giving me that break when I truly feel that "F it" inner sense, and then they would intensify. From what I have been reading it's best to really feel them, recognize them, not try to change them, understand their source, etc. It can be quite uncomfortable though.

Rambling

13unluckyforsom

Hey RC five days is really brilliant! Don't talk it down - the starts probably the hardest with symptoms of withdrawal being an issue too just be kind to yourself and I really mean that - take things as easy as you can if it helps or get busy - you will find out what helps you the most in your own time.

It sounds like you have your big plan nailed and I'm sure your beast is cooking up a tantrum but you know you sound pretty solid - I think it's a brilliant idea to find a focus like the gym or on the other end of the extremes have you heard of mindfulness? Do a google search or even YouTube has some fantastic videos. It's all about being calm and still and appreciating the moment and the wonder of life basically. I know it maybe sounds all hippy but I'd never have considered myself an earthy girl but give it a try it can be really therapeutic especially when you have the racing thoughts. I have always been highly strung and it's still something I'm working on but I can honestly say that even a short escape from the mental chatter is great. I hope you try it out

I don't want to bombard you with 'I did this and I did that' but I want you to have the tools that may be helpful to you - I think once you start looking into mindfulness you will throw up a wealth of information and all I can say is to embrace the knowledge. Read all you can.

http://www.the-secret-of-mindpower-a...esitation.html


^^^ this site is fantastic - (they should pay me I promote it so much lol) but yeah reeeeeead lol

Ps... Don't get the tattoo yet. In January I was convinced that I wanted this tattoo





image-2894760803.jpg



I still love the comfort in the message but I was afraid at the time - maybe I should have 'do not be afraid you are enough' but right now - for you and me - I think although our intentions are to firmly cement our new way of life and mark it as such - it's also easy to be impulsive and maybe you - like I did in January - it's just not the right time lol now I'm rambling - oooooof lol anyways I'm really enjoying reading about your progress it's inspirational for me too to read how far your coming. Keep it up! You've got this!

13unluckyforsom

And on a personal note I've had some major stress the past week. I know I'm sketchy on details a lot but I came home 5weeks ago and it's been ok on the most part - I've not allowed things to overwhelm me but I've also shut off issues that I now need to focus on and it's painful to let the feelings in - I was a bit upset last night - self pity and negative thinking won for a while - I'm lucky in that I have a great friend who listens to me and gently and quietly comforts me but hands me a slice of reality and gratitude and probably snaps me out my pity party when required - why am I sharing this? I don't know lol I think I feel a bit weak for having broke down but I'm human right? Lol it's ok to cry and be sad but I think that I'm lucky to have a friend who lets me go if I need to but doesn't let me internalise it as bitterness or stay in that place for too long. The saying that springs to mind is 'nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so' so what I take away from last night is that my emotions are real and valid but if I don't use them in a constructive way or use them as fuel to get to my goal then I mays well just roll over and play dead. It's a choice I can either use it in a good way or a bad way.


I'm taking steps. Their not big - their not going to be quick and their not going to be easy or pleasant a lot of the time but one thing is for sure - and I know this - I have a responsibility to see this through - I can't stop and I can't ever forget why I'm in this situation and why I'm doing this. I chose to live. Now I have to stick to it!

freshstart57

Beautiful words, 13, full of strength and resolve, inspiration and hope. You do indeed have a great friend.

13unluckyforsom

I haaaaad to drag this up - I was so in the zone then. I really got complacent. My god did I ever underestimate how lightly I could take this. I almost can't relate to myself here I slipped so far behind who I was at that point. Not so much in terms of drinking because I've not drank that much since then but in terms of thinking processes. I remember being comfortable that I just didn't drink.

HeadLump

Oh, 13, I think you've learnt loads You'll find your way back - not to complacency but to understanding and contentment xx

Received

I've been meaning to stop by and tell you hi and that it's good to see you back and posting, 13.

13unluckyforsom

Thanks headlamp and R

13unluckyforsom

Creeping up to the weekend my beast is having a day out on this! Dam is he ever lol I've heard so much chittering today - and this is my number 1 problem in my whole entire life - I hate to say no and swaying me really isn't hard. I need a shield of steel lol