HuskyPup

Urg, I messed up, yet again, got wasted last night. But made it to work OK. I dunno what's wrong with me, but at times, I'm filled with this overwhelming sadness, seeing all the violence and harms in the world, that never cease, that nobody can seem to even put a dent in, in the grand scheme of things, though I nver seem to be able to just accept this as some Buddhist might, and say, well, that's how it is, better move on, though much of the time, I do move on, but I also break down and cry quite often, not just about my life, but the world. I live in a pretty poor part of Baltimore, and it's hard seeing such a huge expanse of poverty. I don't know how many people have ever lived in a big city, and in a 'bad' neighborhood, not a gentrified one, but a cheap one, and it is so sad, the things I see each day. Not waking up to a garden and views of water or mountains, but to sidewalk with broken glass, the occasional discarded syringe, the air of hopelessness, the honest folks just trying to get by, the pressure pushing back against them.

I have to get up early tomorrow, to see the first of those two therapists...any comments on this????? I was hoping to get a bit of input, if anyone has time.

@fini:

I checked out Lifering and SOS, but no life-ring meetings in the state, and only one SOS one, about three hours south. I guess I can try the online part...but in my heart, I really would like a real, physical person, I am not sure why, but it is often like the digital world is not real to me; I was not born with it, didn't grow up in that age; it maintains this odd sense of unreality.



But back to the drawing board....sorry to be a drag, here

ToddE1

You are not a drag. You have the same issue we all do and you're working through it. Try to take care of yourself the best you can. I like that you are looking into the counseling options.

Take care, Todd

HuskyPup

Thanks...I'll keep trying.

I see you're in Michigan...I'm also from Michigan. I miss where I grew up so badly. I had the very good fortune to have grown up between Cadillac and Traverse City, on 240 acres of land, and I long for those days so much. The long walks in the woods with my dog, horses. Clean water and lakes you could actually swim in, instead of water so polluted, they take you to the hospital if you fall in. Sometimes I look at my life and think: Damn, I was fortunate to have had that in my life, but how did I end up here? And I don't just mean drinking, but long before that.

fini

Husky,
yes, i get it about wanting personal contact.and i know there's no LR meeting in your parts of the States.
the LR forum was a great place for me, as it's much quieter than here. and many many conversations that carry on for years. i got to "know" people as much as is possible in cyberspace, i think.
well enough to meet a couple in person after a few years, which was pretty cool.

yeah, i didn't grow up in "that age", either; at 57 i'm considerably older than you.

overwhelming sadness seems like an appropriate response to the crappy stuff going on all around.
seems like the trouble is in your immediate(?) connect to drinking when thoser feelings are present.

best wishes on the therapist visit.

Received

Pup, I'm glad you're posting here and getting some of the stuff out of your head and out in posts.

I know my therapist has been amazing. I wish I had chosen this route years ago but I didn't know there was a different way.

I'm just so grateful to have found SR and reached out for help.

I'm glad you're here too.

HuskyPup

Thanks, everyone! I called the SOS meeting, even though it's a ways away, but it's long since been disbanded. My best bet is to try to leave work early, and catch a SMART meeting, that is pretty close to where I work, though one has to contend with DC traffic...which is pretty terrifying! I will also keep exploring online options, every little bit helps.

I was thinking: One reason I also drown stuff out is that I think I'm a pretty smart, creative person, but one who is no good at making money, and that has a job where I have about 0 creative input. But at least I have a job that is not utterly horrible, and I am very thankful for that.

wiscsober

Huskypup hang in there...

RDBplus3

Hello HuskyPup,
I have found that if I sometimes feel like someone's post is confrontational, they are most likely speaking from a personally passionate position. Antagonistic or hostile comments are not tolerated here, on any of the forums, as far as I have seen.

Additionally, if someone were to post something antagonistic or hostile, it would only expose their failure to operate within the communities spirit and guidelines. I post some things that may sound stupid or off-topic to others, or even myself when I read it later. I am only human and 'recovering' from a life controlling addiction at that. That's why they call it 'Sober Recovery'. As long as I don't violate the rules, I have just as much a right to post here as anyone else, and YOU have that right also.

So, thank you for your post, and your honesty about where you are on your journey. You being honest allows me to be honest, and posting how I am doing and what I am thinking or going through is the essence of this website, in my opinion.