Dee74

< not a lady poster

hey Gneiss,

I get the AA trouble - if I relapse again I've promised all and sundry I'll do AA...and my HP would be the help and support and community I'd get from the 'Group of Drunks' there.

It need be no more complicated than that IMO.

But ok AA's not for you - what is?

Anything's gotta be better than faceplanting...and Self Seekings right...grad school crushes normal ppl like bugs - you go into that an active alcoholic?

from my experience and observation, you will crash and burn.

Act now - do something.
D

gneiss

Totally. I want to go into grad school with a clear head, and maybe even feeling like myself again. And not have to take a semester off. That sounds horrible, in no small part because school is a huge positive force in my life. I'll go to class hungover if I have to, but I will be there, I MUST be there. Even with my drinking last semester I managed 18 hours of classes with a 3.0. Imagine the possibilities if I could stop drinking!!

I was telling a friend last night, as she was laughing about having gone out and gotten hammered the night before, that she needed to be careful. I didn't go into details but it really is amazing how fast it went from having fun and hanging out with friends to something I have very little control of. I guess I just have to be careful not to get preachy. I'm 27, and I wouldn't have listened to that sort of advice at 21. Heck, I still have trouble listening to it, obviously.

Nuudawn

Although no longer a member, I simply cannot bash AA. It was there for me when I was going positively sideways. I think that old Bill W. is a brilliant man but there was simply a member borne climate I couldn't quite come to grips with. It saddens me a bit that AA is often thought of as the one and only answer as I wholeheartedly disagree with that notion.... yet there is tremendous wisdom there. Somewhere along the line I realized my brain had everything to do with my problem and that's what I'm trying to save these days...and in turn, hope it returns the favour.

gneiss

I'm not bashing AA, it works for a lot of people and no way would I take that away. If you found a way out of your glass-walled prison, does it matter how you got out?

I just have trouble with it. It has been suggested that you can choose your HP to be anything, but they make it obvious they intend a Christian notion of God. This makes me uncomfortable with the whole process.

I used to journal a lot, it always helped me get my stress out-- I think most of the steps might even work if I decided my journal was my HP. But now? I don't want to write. There's a whisper in the back of my head: What if someone reads it? What if they find out? Maybe my mom drops by and gets nosy, or a roommate looking for those shoes I told her she could borrow gets curious what's in there, or... you get the point. I'm paranoid about it. Exactly 4 people know about the drugs I've done: the dealer, the two guys who do drugs with me, and one friend I worked up the nerve to tell because I knew she'd understand (and she did)... one possibly one professor who I ran into while high as a kite and I'm pretty sure he has first-hand experience with it. And the alcohol... it's fairly common knowledge that I drink, but I hide the worst of it.

Plus, drinking takes away my motivation to write. And it numbs the stress, even while adding to it. I'm back on day one right now, and the beer is calling to me.

Ananda

my expereince is that you can get sober with out a traditional god. My expereince in working with other alchoholics is that writing is not a requirement of working steps or getting sober.

some things that helped me during the first few months of sobriety were...don't have alchohol in the house, don't go to the liquer store, stay busy, read and learn about alchoholism and ways that other people stay sober (not limited to AA way), talk to others who are struggling with this problem and help them when you can.

I really hope reading the threads at SR is helping you to find some tools to deal with the desire to drink and your life issues. I just try to not get too wrapped up in the expereinces that don't seem like they would work for me and focus on the expereinces and tools that people share that I feel i can use.


:ghug2

Dee74

Most of us thought only a handful of people know already Gneiss, but I hope in this case you're right. It's not nice to be the 'town drunk".

But frankly? if you want to make certain that everyone comes to know?
answer that beer call.

It really doesn't get better. It gets way worse.

Like I said before - act now.
Today's better than tomorrow, Gneiss.

Ananda said it all really - if you can't get your head around it and AA doesn't work for you cos of the God thing? Ditch it. AA wasn't for me either - no harm no foul.

But it's up to you to work hard and find something that does work for you. This is your life you're dealing with here.
In the absense of any other plan, 'I will not drink today' is a good start.

D

gneiss

I was referring to my drug use when I said only a few people knew, and I'm absolutely sure of that. Alcohol is not illegal so if people know you drink it's no big deal. But if they know you snort coke? You might have the cops knocking on your door, hence I was extremely careful about keeping that under wraps.

The drinking? Ugh. I don't even want to think about how many people have figured that out. Friends who even live in other states have asked me how much I've been drinking... I still hide the worst of it.

It's 1:30 in the morning, and at 12:15 I woke up my housemate and told him he had to take his beer out of the refrigerator and get it out of the house, I'd pay him for it if he just threw it out or whatever, but it can't be here. This of course led to a lot of questions, and for once in my life I decided I just had to be honest about this or it would never get better. And much to my shock and relief.. he did. I was expecting him to tell me I was over-reacting or something, but he was cool. He even let me cry, which he usually gets really uncomfortable about. He said, "It doesn't matter how much you are drinking or what I think. If you think it's a problem, obviously there's something about your drinking that worries you and therefore you need to stop. And if I have to sacrifice a 12-pack it's the least I can do." And with that he poured it all out.

I didn't drink. I can do this. I made it through Day One. One day at a time doesn't seem to work for me though. It's more like, can I make it to lunch? Well if I can make it to lunch then certainly the time from lunch to dinner is manageable. After dinner? Homework. Pour it on, time to study. I have exams in 2 weeks. I'm not going to drink today.

Dee74

sorry for slightly getting the wrong end of the stick - must have misread it - good luck with your exams

D

tesquizito

I'm surprised no one has mentioned anything other than AA or (take what you need) AA.

I started in AA, did my 90 and 90, I was frustrated that there was no other literature other than the Big Book (and the supplemental AA literature which was based on it). I got some silly answers from my sponsor as to why *only* the Big Book was relevant to my sobriety (salvation).

In any case, I'm in SMART now, been for the last ~7 months. They have a very large recommended reading list of current books in publication. It makes a lot more sense to me to get a wide variety of research, perspectives, and approaches...and use those as tools rather than a single book, which is quite dated.

There are a number of secular sobriety programs out there, there should be a sticky at the top of this sub-forum, I think?

Dee74

I don't do 'no steenking programme' so I can't recommend any LOL
I recommend ppl look at as many as possible - they all work for somebody

There's a sticky in the alchoholics forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

D

Ananda

I somehow saw people suggesting things other than AA...but yeah it would be good to reference people to other options for groups....

Tesq...perhaps you could share about how you use the tools you use to stay sober that are secular in nature....It sure helps me to hear how people do that

gneiss

No problem. Just setting the record straight... though I admit, it's always possible that no matter how careful you are, news has been leaked somewhere along the line.

shockozulu

We have a great list of programs in the sticky thread Secular Web here in this forum. It includes several secular programs.

I personally work SMART but I know folks that have gotten help from SOS/LifeRing as well as other groups.

I do online meetings since we don't have face to face SMART where I live. The meetings are great. We spend the time going over the tools and situations where we will confront life and how to apply the tools to these situations. SMART also has a great beginners online meeting which I personally recommend for those who want to see if it is a program that will fit their needs.

I am not a big fan of DIY, simply because I feel that I need a program to undo all the damage that using has done. For example, when I deal with a bad situation at work I used to reach for my drugs. I need an alternate way of thinking to deal with the situation. My program gives me that.

Off my soapbox, hope my experience was of some help.

gneiss

It's really starting to amaze me that when I work up the nerve to tell a friend that I have an alcohol/drug problem, almost all of them have said they had/have a problem as well. Could be anything from "I used to close down the bars 7 days a week and realized I had to stop" to "I was addicted to meth for 3 years." Wow. It's possible the "takes one to know one" phenomenon is leading me to tell people who-- on some level-- I recognize as addicts. Or I don't have the highest quality friends in the world. Or addiction is more common than anyone knows.

Bamboozle

Hello, G.

In my opinion, I think addiction is quite common, whether by substances or by behavior. It's scary....I've met so many people with problems...some hide it better than others. Maybe that's the difference.

Maybe it's easier for me to focus on others with similar problems.

Ananda

Hey bam...are you still goopy???? I'm trying to decide if it's safe to hug you

doorknob

That must make me dumpster juice.. sweet, sweet dumpster juice...

gneiss

Ewwwwwwwwww. Hahaha. I worked as a housekeeper for a while. That's really funny until said dumpster juice has leaked out and soaked into your shoes.

joinedintime

tlrgs,
That is a very interesting concept to me for a couple reasons. One, because I'm struggling with it myself and two, simply because it's counter to the what I would consider to be the overall mind-share of SR and "recovery community".

Original thought, or did you discover that concept somewhere?

Dee74

ok I missed this. LOL.

If I read you right...you're saying powerlessness is lacking the strength or resources needed to combat our drinking problem on our own.

Fair enough, but that's not the usual definition of powerlessness is it? (I'm not an AAer so feel free to correct me) and you'd have to be careful people don't apply your thoughts to the usual definition IMO.

For me being powerless over my consumption of alcohol is a lifelong commitment I'm afraid - I've retaken the 'am I still powerless/am I still an alcoholic' test enough times to know the result never changes, and I believe never will.

To think or hope otherwise would be courting disaster for me.

The successful changes in my life have come about not because I'm addressing my specific problem of drinking, as in my past failed attempts, but because this time I've been addressing the way I live my life - in which drinking became a maladjusted method of coping with various problems, and then an addiction. For me it puts my drinking into a perspective. Seems to be working so far.

I'm happy to admit I'm powerless over alcohol - it's no moral weakness or reflection on my character - but these days I'm nowhere near powerless over taking that first drink.

D