Agnostics and Athiests in AA....how is it going Part 2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I'm in a growing place at the moment...I know I haven't come this far in recovery to fall permenatnly from the path I'm on....each "mis"step, each side road..are a part of the journey that I am suppose to be taking...i'm right where I need to be.
when things look dark and ominous and the part of me that tries to cloud my perceptions is particularly strong and nipping at my heels....It is simply an oportunity to delve deeper into the great reality within...That in me which already is where I'm going and has the strenght for the journey ahead.
ok..that was probably lame...i felt compeled...no particular point lol just where my head is at today
when things look dark and ominous and the part of me that tries to cloud my perceptions is particularly strong and nipping at my heels....It is simply an oportunity to delve deeper into the great reality within...That in me which already is where I'm going and has the strenght for the journey ahead.
ok..that was probably lame...i felt compeled...no particular point lol just where my head is at today
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by ananda 
when things look dark and ominous and the part of me that tries to cloud my perceptions is particularly strong and nipping at my heels....It is simply an oportunity to delve deeper into the great reality within...That in me which already is where I'm going and has the strenght for the journey ahead.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 58
Less (meetings) is more...
One of the issues I'm analyzing is how many meetings I need to go to. For the last 16 months I've probably averaged seven a week and have benefited from the insights and sobriety. I found myself sometimes at the end of the day, a man with no female companion, no friends to speak of, wanting simple human interaction and so going to an AA meeting. Not the worst solution in the world and what I needed THEN.
Now I think I've hit diminishing returns on my effort and time. I'm forcing myself to think about reaching out to events and activities where there are regular people to meet and enjoy.
I went to an outdoor concert and found joyful, interesting people who would talk with me about many things not including addiction, resentments, bi-polarity, court dates and AA conversation topics. Some were drinking, some were over drinking, but I was not nor was I tempted in the least, which still surprises me.
So this week I'm denying myself the daily crutch of an AA meeting and planning on limit of three meetings. I also went out to breakfast with two other AA men of similar mind and had a two hour conversation with my former believer-sponsor.
The word balance kept coming up. How to balance a probably permanent need for AA, The Steps and meetings vs. social interactions with people who aren't focused on addiction.
I don't know what will constitute "balance" in the end and suspect it will vary depending on events and my state of mind. But this approach feels right for now and the result of moving back into real life (as compared with AA life) is producing good results.
One incident raises questions for me.
I think I am nearly ready to have a relationship with a woman and want to. I thought that a woman who is in AA would make sense. I did meet a nice woman and have had two pleasant conversations with her and suggested coffee and gave her my email.
No followup of any kind.
OK, maybe she's not interested or maybe I had bad breath. You never know.
But my experience has been that very seldom to people in AA meetings seem to interact outside meetings. I wonder if they want to keep their AA life cloistered, maybe don't want AA contacts intersecting with their "outside" life.
I accept this and it makes me wonder if AA friendships can carry over into the real world. I passed a woman from AA in the grocery and she looked down to avoid eye contact, for example.
I have no answers, obviously, and seek more wisdom here.
Now I think I've hit diminishing returns on my effort and time. I'm forcing myself to think about reaching out to events and activities where there are regular people to meet and enjoy.
I went to an outdoor concert and found joyful, interesting people who would talk with me about many things not including addiction, resentments, bi-polarity, court dates and AA conversation topics. Some were drinking, some were over drinking, but I was not nor was I tempted in the least, which still surprises me.
So this week I'm denying myself the daily crutch of an AA meeting and planning on limit of three meetings. I also went out to breakfast with two other AA men of similar mind and had a two hour conversation with my former believer-sponsor.
The word balance kept coming up. How to balance a probably permanent need for AA, The Steps and meetings vs. social interactions with people who aren't focused on addiction.
I don't know what will constitute "balance" in the end and suspect it will vary depending on events and my state of mind. But this approach feels right for now and the result of moving back into real life (as compared with AA life) is producing good results.
One incident raises questions for me.
I think I am nearly ready to have a relationship with a woman and want to. I thought that a woman who is in AA would make sense. I did meet a nice woman and have had two pleasant conversations with her and suggested coffee and gave her my email.
No followup of any kind.
OK, maybe she's not interested or maybe I had bad breath. You never know.
But my experience has been that very seldom to people in AA meetings seem to interact outside meetings. I wonder if they want to keep their AA life cloistered, maybe don't want AA contacts intersecting with their "outside" life.
I accept this and it makes me wonder if AA friendships can carry over into the real world. I passed a woman from AA in the grocery and she looked down to avoid eye contact, for example.
I have no answers, obviously, and seek more wisdom here.
Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,256
e4, I read with interest your post on "The Real 13th Step"...and have ordered the book.
In my opinion, I want to meet women who interest me...that I am smitten with, even though I am married for a long time. I have found one in my many years in AA...had coffee with her a few times...and she moved on. I miss her.
I am smitten with 5 women at this time...three I've had coffee with...the others I would if I could. These women are in exercise classes or in a book club I belong to. Easy conversation names some areas in common...and coffee makes sense.
I believe you are on the right track. Stay on it and it will work out.
In my opinion, I want to meet women who interest me...that I am smitten with, even though I am married for a long time. I have found one in my many years in AA...had coffee with her a few times...and she moved on. I miss her.
I am smitten with 5 women at this time...three I've had coffee with...the others I would if I could. These women are in exercise classes or in a book club I belong to. Easy conversation names some areas in common...and coffee makes sense.
I believe you are on the right track. Stay on it and it will work out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
e4,
It must depend on where you live and what your AA community is like. My community is very close and we do things outside meetings ALL the time--usually more than once a week. We have BBQ's, go camping, go to concerts, movies, we play poker (friendly game), go out to eat, do karaoke, bowling, we have a book club, and we even go dance at nightclubs! Our age ranges and lengths of sobriety are totally varied-- 20's-50's with some people having less than 90 days and others having over 30 years.
Is there another city/town nearby where you can check out some different meetings and meet new people? Not that you should be limited in forming friendships only with AA members, but it seems odd that your community is so "shut-in" and limited. The fellowship can be so much more than just meetings. We are not a glum lot. Nothing wrong with having fun!
It must depend on where you live and what your AA community is like. My community is very close and we do things outside meetings ALL the time--usually more than once a week. We have BBQ's, go camping, go to concerts, movies, we play poker (friendly game), go out to eat, do karaoke, bowling, we have a book club, and we even go dance at nightclubs! Our age ranges and lengths of sobriety are totally varied-- 20's-50's with some people having less than 90 days and others having over 30 years.
Is there another city/town nearby where you can check out some different meetings and meet new people? Not that you should be limited in forming friendships only with AA members, but it seems odd that your community is so "shut-in" and limited. The fellowship can be so much more than just meetings. We are not a glum lot. Nothing wrong with having fun!
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Originally Posted by smiling jack
e4, I read with interest your post on "The Real 13th Step"...and have ordered the book.
In my opinion, I want to meet women who interest me...that I am smitten with, even though I am married for a long time. I have found one in my many years in AA...had coffee with her a few times...and she moved on. I miss her.
I am smitten with 5 women at this time...three I've had coffee with...the others I would if I could. These women are in exercise classes or in a book club I belong to. Easy conversation names some areas in common...and coffee makes sense.
I believe you are on the right track. Stay on it and it will work out.
In my opinion, I want to meet women who interest me...that I am smitten with, even though I am married for a long time. I have found one in my many years in AA...had coffee with her a few times...and she moved on. I miss her.
I am smitten with 5 women at this time...three I've had coffee with...the others I would if I could. These women are in exercise classes or in a book club I belong to. Easy conversation names some areas in common...and coffee makes sense.
I believe you are on the right track. Stay on it and it will work out.
I'm petrified of getting involved with someone who does that kind of thing!
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
e4,
I've found a group of friends. AA friends at first. Now they are simply my friends who are in AA also. We socialize about three times a week. At a coffee shop or a bite to eat at the diner. We are a group. A Motley Crew! The Breakfast Club only much older. From the outside, we look like we'd have nothing in common.
This is so dear to me.
Look around more closely, these groups are everywhere and are always open to a new "member".
I've found a group of friends. AA friends at first. Now they are simply my friends who are in AA also. We socialize about three times a week. At a coffee shop or a bite to eat at the diner. We are a group. A Motley Crew! The Breakfast Club only much older. From the outside, we look like we'd have nothing in common.
This is so dear to me.
Look around more closely, these groups are everywhere and are always open to a new "member".
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
mm...some thoughts...
when girl meets boy on AA campus comes to mind...for me that is the illusion of a FULL relationship because of the connection, vunerablility, intensity, etc. we all share as members of AA. If that is the full connection....with no comonality behind it...well..that for me wouldn't be a true FULL partnership. I do know many who have married based on that and seem happy...just not for me.
I've been smitten by 3 men in AA and 1 who wasnt in the last 3 years...but the first requirement for me in these interactions was that we spent at least as much time talking about things outside of AA as we did the program. The common bond for me must be more than alchoholism.
I don't meet very many men outside of AA at the moment, so that sorta limits me. Frankly, right now I've decided not to put myself out or pursue anything in or out of the program...
actually friends are the same way...someone at a meeting last night told a newcomer we are all your friends now....I guess I don't find that to be true although i think i know what she ment. I can call and talk to anyone at any time if I fear a drink or hurt real bad...but...true friendship requires interests and interactions that go beyond AA talk...
Course thats just me and i'm talking out loud again
when girl meets boy on AA campus comes to mind...for me that is the illusion of a FULL relationship because of the connection, vunerablility, intensity, etc. we all share as members of AA. If that is the full connection....with no comonality behind it...well..that for me wouldn't be a true FULL partnership. I do know many who have married based on that and seem happy...just not for me.
I've been smitten by 3 men in AA and 1 who wasnt in the last 3 years...but the first requirement for me in these interactions was that we spent at least as much time talking about things outside of AA as we did the program. The common bond for me must be more than alchoholism.
I don't meet very many men outside of AA at the moment, so that sorta limits me. Frankly, right now I've decided not to put myself out or pursue anything in or out of the program...
actually friends are the same way...someone at a meeting last night told a newcomer we are all your friends now....I guess I don't find that to be true although i think i know what she ment. I can call and talk to anyone at any time if I fear a drink or hurt real bad...but...true friendship requires interests and interactions that go beyond AA talk...
Course thats just me and i'm talking out loud again
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
I've never been infactuated in AA - Wow, I feel like a grown-up! <patting myself on the back> <---- Thanks for giving me something to be able to do that to myself today. I lack in other area's fer sure. But I'll give myself some credit where due, to keep it all even n' stuff.
Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,256
The dictionary definitions of smitten and infatuation are different: the former is a strong attaction; the latter is be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion.
My word choice is correct for my situation.
My word choice is correct for my situation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
OK..this is really strange but...
today i feel like a buzzard chewing on dead meat....taking in my expereince that is dead over and rotton....
my body will processs what it can use to grow and to repair and to thrive...and eleminate that which would harm me...
What is eliminated, will return to the earth, nurish it and something will grow to add to my world at a later date.
I'm thinking this is what the steps lead me through....
I'm not eating a gormet meal today, but i actually feel deeply satisfied with the sustinance of the expereince.
jeez...you guys are getting my full blown stuff these days...thanks for letting me get that out of my head so i can go put together those bookcases and clean the chicken
today i feel like a buzzard chewing on dead meat....taking in my expereince that is dead over and rotton....
my body will processs what it can use to grow and to repair and to thrive...and eleminate that which would harm me...
What is eliminated, will return to the earth, nurish it and something will grow to add to my world at a later date.
I'm thinking this is what the steps lead me through....
I'm not eating a gormet meal today, but i actually feel deeply satisfied with the sustinance of the expereince.
jeez...you guys are getting my full blown stuff these days...thanks for letting me get that out of my head so i can go put together those bookcases and clean the chicken
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: rochester ny
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by Alizerin
e4,
I've found a group of friends. AA friends at first. Now they are simply my friends who are in AA also. We socialize about three times a week. At a coffee shop or a bite to eat at the diner. We are a group. A Motley Crew! The Breakfast Club only much older. From the outside, we look like we'd have nothing in common.
This is so dear to me.
Look around more closely, these groups are everywhere and are always open to a new "member".
I've found a group of friends. AA friends at first. Now they are simply my friends who are in AA also. We socialize about three times a week. At a coffee shop or a bite to eat at the diner. We are a group. A Motley Crew! The Breakfast Club only much older. From the outside, we look like we'd have nothing in common.
This is so dear to me.
Look around more closely, these groups are everywhere and are always open to a new "member".
Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,256
I attend SLAA meetings and have an SLAA sponsor. Sober Recovery chooses not to have "s" related discussion forums. IMO, "s" related forums here would be great...but I understand the reasons behind their decision.
"S" related forums are in npsupport/community.net. I have found their forums and the journalling to be a great benefit in my efforts to acheive "s" serenity...and to have overall serenity
"S" related forums are in npsupport/community.net. I have found their forums and the journalling to be a great benefit in my efforts to acheive "s" serenity...and to have overall serenity
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
