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Daily Check In; Part VI

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Old 12-16-2008, 06:39 PM
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I've been waiting for you.

You can do this.

Today is my LAST day of using a patch.

Tomorrow, I be Nekkid.
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Old 12-16-2008, 07:23 PM
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hi everyone... here I am. thanks for being concerned, I appreciate it.

I've been feeling awful, I had a bad thing happen this weekend. I went to a holiday party and drank too much - way too much. I had to leave early and get someone to drive me home, and I spent the rest of the weekend in bed. It was awful. Actually, I didn't drink ALL that much - I had 4 glasses of wine - but for some reason it hit me like an absolute ton of bricks. I don't even remember a huge part of the evening, luckily someone was able to get me home safely. And I guess during the part of the evening that I can't remember, I smoked 2 cigarettes. I don't remember doing it at all, but someone told me the next day. I'm not counting it against my not smoking time, I don't know if that's right or wrong but I'm not, I was totally not in my right mind, I don't remember doing it, and it didn't make me want to smoke at all afterwards. At this point, the last thing I want is a cig.

I thought about you guys all weekend and whether or not I was going to say anything, but it feels really dishonest to me to lie about it. I feel like I let everybody down. It's not affecting my quit in any way at this point, as I said, there is no way I would smoke right now, don't have any urge at all. My resolve hasn't weakened and I never would have done it if the wine hadn't affected me in the way that it did. I don't know why it hit me so strong but it did.

I'm feeling really upset about it - but not going to smoke. And it's awesome to see everyone here is still doing so great...
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Old 12-16-2008, 07:45 PM
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Alice, first of all we are all supportive of you no matter what you do. Kudos for you on being honest and letting us help you. Secondly, quit beating yourself up. It's over and done with. Start a new day where you left off. No one here will think any less of you. The important thing is that you got home safe and sound and that you have friends who love you and protect you. You are right in saying that you were not in your right mind. Alcohol can play a huge part in doing things you would not normally do so don't dwell or feel bad girl!!!!!!
We love you and glad you are back and safe.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:07 PM
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A slight slip while under the influence, but you're back on track.

That's good.

And it's good we're honest with each other.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:21 PM
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Moose...good luck on not using a patch tomorrow.....I have faith in us all.......!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-17-2008, 06:28 AM
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Alice your membership has been revoked

Just kidding- when this happens (and it happened to me several times) the thing isn't whether WE say we count the slip as starting over or if a guy who wrote a book about adddiction or quitting or recovery says the slip counts or doesn't- it has to do with your head and how you view it-

If you throw up your hands and say "well, too late I'll quit on New Year's" and go buy a pack, then that's your stance- but you aren't counting it, you are staying quit and that's where the onus is- WTG Alice, glad to see you're back- If you don't remember it, your smoking is really only hearsay anyway

Moose congrats on your freedom, that's going to feel great I bet, like when a kid first swims without a lifejacket or rides a bike without training wheels? (conjecture on my part)

Teach, welcome back into the fold- you can do it, you have so much ammunition- remember to reward yourself

Good morning everyone else!
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Old 12-17-2008, 02:48 PM
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I'm thinking that little ole patch is a psychological crutch.

I miss it.
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Old 12-18-2008, 06:33 AM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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Hey everyone... thanks as always for all the support. I am definitely feeling lousy about what happenend and giving myself a hard time about it, it means a lot to know I have so much support from my friends here! I know I would have felt a lot worse if I didn't come clean to you guys about it.
I'm definitely not thinking about smoking or wanting to smoke or having any cravings.. so it hasn't affected me at all in that way. I'm grateful for that. I'm just going to keep marching forward and feeling good about so much non-smoking time!
Sounds like everyone here is continuing to do great work. Moose, I felt sorta the same, sometimes the patch would slip off or I'd get sweaty at the gym and it would fall off, so I always kind of wondered how much it actually really did physically. BUT in my mind, I felt like it was doing something and so I know it helped me, one way or another. If you find you still need it, that's ok - the important thing is to do whatever it takes to remain quit!
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Old 12-18-2008, 07:51 AM
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That's awesome Alice, you have the right attitude- you sound good, keep up the good mindset!

Moose is it bad? do you miss it like you missed cigarettes or miss it like when you're a little kid and a tooth falls out? I'm interested- Regardless congratulations on a big step!

Randdom sidebar- Somebody brought in a tray of what I could only describe as petit-fours today and I ate 2 already- I have to stay the hell out of that room that they're in, but it's right where the printer is!
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:34 PM
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I miss my patch like I'd miss chocolate if I couldn't have it.

Not too bad...

Like I said, I think it's just a psych thing, so I'm letting it go.


Now someone needs to tell me how to stop EATING!
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Old 12-18-2008, 01:46 PM
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steam sounds like you got a lot going on....

Hang in there, and know smoking doesn't help problems

ever

it only makes it worse, clearly you know that, but I'm obligated to say it- it's like when somebody sneezes, I have to say bless you!

Moose stay strong, you can do it- like Mel Gibson in Braveheart- FREEEEDOM!!!

I don't want to advocate for the devil and such, but I'm at the poiint right now where I'm MAKING SURE I work out everyday, but the watching what I eat has gone completely out the window


completely

like forget it

I'll try and get vigilant on that come January-

Keep up the good work everyone!

Alice keep us posted as to how you're doing- I took a show this weekend that will pay nothing but has the potential to turn into somethiong really big, like Mohegan big- it's a wee small chance, but we'll see
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:27 AM
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Tomorrow will be day 7 on the chantix.
The day after is quitting day.
I've already noticed a few things.

The cigs taste worse.
I'm smoking less, unless I'm just sitting here at the computer. then, I light up mindlessly. But, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth.
Those are all positive goods!

A big snow storm is coming in today.
I'll be starting my holiday baking today as a result. That's fun; I enjoy it.
Banana breads; cranberry breads; zucchinni breads;
Dough for challah bread and bagles.
And I'm gonna try making biscotti for the first time this year.
It looks easy enough, lol!

I bring this up because, when I quit before, I was using exercise as a tool against relapse. So, during the holiday season, I'm gonna have to be VERY sure I exercise, lol!
I guess it's time to stop using my tread mill as an expensive close hanger!!! LOL!
Dust off the skier, and make room for the small set of weights I just bought for myself as an early Chanukkah gift!
Cuz, I'm gonna need all the help I can get, once more, to beat this nicodemon!

Shalom!
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:35 AM
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Glad you're joining us Teach.
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Old 12-19-2008, 08:22 AM
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Hello everyone....my computer has been down and it was terrible. I felt like I was having computer withdrawals!!! LOL
Anyway, sounds like everyone is doing great. Me too....1 month, 2 weeks, 3 days!

Never thought I would see this day. It's like 69 degrees here but not sunny. Really weird weather here in the south. But, I like it ....better than freezing weather. I don't like to be cold.

Alice, keep up the good thoughts in your head ... you will do fine, quit beating yourself up...waste of time. Look at how many you HAVEN'T smoked compared to those two....
When I look at my numbers....by now I would have smoked 814 cigs. That to me is unbelievable. But, if I slipped up....all I would have to do is look at that number and keep chuggin along.

well going to take a shower
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Old 12-19-2008, 08:29 AM
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Hi Palm, how's it going?

We're supposed to get CRUSHED with snow today....

I just ordered a 5 foot sub for my son's birthday party- I'm not sure if it's being a food psycho or jst being a guy, but something about the big sandwich just makes me feel happy inside- it's actually the thing that just put me over the edge and into the Xmas spirit!
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Old 12-19-2008, 01:48 PM
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doing great Chippa....that sub sounds good. I had one yesterday. I am going to have to get busy exercising...gaining weight.

but....not smoking.
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Old 12-19-2008, 01:53 PM
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P.S. wish we would get just one big snow here. Haven't seen it in a long time.
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Old 12-20-2008, 12:42 AM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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steam,
Many people self medicate with tobacco. It's a slight stimulant. So, when they quit smoking, the depression comes to the forefront.

Depression when quitting tobacco actually happens quite frequently, that people get depressed when they quit smoking. There's the reason noted above, and there's also the sense of deprevation that leads to depression.

In most cases, the depression will lift on its own after a few months. And each of us can help it with the right behaviors too. Taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But, there's no need to suffer, if it's interfering with your life in any significant way. Indeed, no one should.

If cessation related depression is causing life problems, anyone should talk to their doctor. Or they can call a counselor. There are medications available. Indeed, one of them, Welbutrin, is clinically known to help people quit! (It is sold under the name zyban for that purpose.)

Keep up the good work!

Shalom!
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Old 12-20-2008, 08:29 AM
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*****!!!

I got almost ALL of my wrapping done!

I am really wanting to smoke today.
It must be the stress of the me holding Christmas,
then holding a 90th birthday party for my mom on the 28th.

But...I'll tredge through it.

New Years will be here before you know it...



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Old 12-20-2008, 11:45 AM
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103 days today free from Nicotine.
Sometimes I forget how bad smoking is/was and think that I "Want" just one. But I remember it is not just one that I would have it is the thousands that will follow it.
I had maybe on average perhaps 1 "Good" cigarette a day, the rest were nasty, my throat had a bad taste and feeling, the smell on my clothes were horrendous. Not to mention it was destroying my ability to breathe and for my lungs to take in the oxygen to my blood and body.

But powerful this drug Nicotine is, it tries to whisper lies into our ears and when we are most vulnerable or stressed out, it is like a lion preying in the bush just waiting for us to drop our guard and then she will pounce on us and attempt to deceive us and try to once again enslave us to the drug nicotine. We know that chew and cigarettes will kill us, will make us suffer a slow agonizing death painful for us and for our families to witness but still this is something we seem to somehow forget or ignore.

All I know is that today I do not need to smoke no matter what. There is nothing that Cigarettes or nicotine will truly help me solve, it is an illusion and I do not need to walk the road to lung cancer or Emphesyma or COPD hell that so many of our freinds and loved ones before us have suffered through. The choice is mine, the choice is ours, we just do not take a another puff no matter what. No matter what. We can drink lots of water, we can go for a walk we can do 5 minutes of jumping jacks, we can breath deep breaths, we can take a hot bath, we can take a cold shower, we can do whatever it takes to stay off of this drug and when the crave passes in just 3 minutes we will feel so much better, smell so much better and have walked through the valley of death without being tricked by that sneaky devil nicotine.

My name is Norm and I am a nicotine addict who by the grace of G-D and the 12 steps of recovery and surrendering to my higher power and following the command of not taking a puff no matter what have 103 days free from nicotine.
Thanks for letting me share.
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