I feel like I'm slowly dyin'
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by New2Sobriety
That's ridiculous. Your landlord wants you out. The cops are looking for you. And you're going to stay in front of the computer and watch television?
Like I said, pity only goes so far.
Good luck to you. Hope you wake up sooner than later.
Like I said, pity only goes so far.
Good luck to you. Hope you wake up sooner than later.
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by ARIES
Even was walking in my bare but this weeks..Lost my shoes ...Got some new from friends...Lost them again..Walked a lot barefoot last weeks...Lost key..Got a new one..Lost it again...wanted to drown myself in the sea but even the sea didn't want me and spitted me out ...Hurt my ankle with it and it is still very thick and full with water...Clothes where ripped several times ...I still didn't wash myself for a week...Didn't had my period this month..(never had skiped a month in all my f***ing life)I'm cryin now but only to get back up again and face life without any fear...My bed is a mess and so is my appartment...Now I'm talkin bout the things I remember...But most of the times I had a f***ing black out...Sorry for using such strong language...But my life comes on so strong to me....But I did it before...So I'm very sure I can do it again...Another clean up time again...I hope this all don't sound like selfpity...But I'm using this writing as a kind of mirror just to watch me slowly rising...Jumped in the fountain...Shoutin' around ...Spitting to people ...Falling...Fighting...I don't want to...I decided I want to live....Anyhow I hope the neighbour comes home today cos I'm realy depending on her...Cos I lost my key 3 times this month...And realy can't ask it to the landlord nomore...I only live here 2 Months...can come in by kickin open the door ...But the neighbours are starting to see it and I think I will get in deeper **** than I'm already in if I keep doin' so...I realy hope she comes home tonight...cos I feel like a prisoner in my own house...I realy hope I can go out tomorow to get my pasport and papers back in order so I can get the money one of these weeks...Anyhow I stop this crap now and keep on reading....Love from Stefanie
Please, please, please get some help!! Before something really, really terrible happens!
Please post again when your head has cleared a little. I understand all too well what you're going through.
Gosh, now I realize just how important it is to be sober, and how grateful I am not to be all banged up in a hospital or sitting in jail again somewhere. How close I came to that, just days ago.
STEFANIE, do you realize how close you are to meeting this fate?? That you could even die?
Man, this is heart breaking.
Once again, please call someone for help. Or keep posting.
There are people who care.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Autumn
Oh Stef.... your post has tears rolling down my face. You sound so much like I did only 11 DAYS AGO!! It makes me feel so grateful to be alcohol free, and a reminder of what a mess I was!
Please, please, please get some help!! Before something really, really terrible happens!
Please post again when your head has cleared a little. I understand all too well what you're going through.
Gosh, now I realize just how important it is to be sober, and how grateful I am not to be all banged up in a hospital or sitting in jail again somewhere. How close I came to that, just days ago.
STEFANIE, do you realize how close you are to meeting this fate?? That you could even die?
Man, this is heart breaking.
Once again, please call someone for help. Or keep posting.
There are people who care.
Please, please, please get some help!! Before something really, really terrible happens!
Please post again when your head has cleared a little. I understand all too well what you're going through.
Gosh, now I realize just how important it is to be sober, and how grateful I am not to be all banged up in a hospital or sitting in jail again somewhere. How close I came to that, just days ago.
STEFANIE, do you realize how close you are to meeting this fate?? That you could even die?
Man, this is heart breaking.
Once again, please call someone for help. Or keep posting.
There are people who care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Seattle, Wash.
Posts: 3
Admitting...and Accepting your an alcoholic are two different things. Hasn't anyone ever told you to "follow" suggestions? Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a big book? Are you ready to SURRENDER? This is your life...YOUR life...an alcoholic reaching out to another alcoholic in the hopes to find a solution...find a solution. May the Creator watch over you in this hard and trying time...it does get better, if you work for it. Take care of you!!
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Salish Chick
Admitting...and Accepting your an alcoholic are two different things. Hasn't anyone ever told you to "follow" suggestions? Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a big book? Are you ready to SURRENDER? This is your life...YOUR life...an alcoholic reaching out to another alcoholic in the hopes to find a solution...find a solution. May the Creator watch over you in this hard and trying time...it does get better, if you work for it. Take care of you!!
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by ARIES
Thanks very much for your reply...It isn't my meaning to make people cry...But I know...I recognise what you say..I was cryin too by reading peoples threads today...And maybe that's the way this programme works...Facing yourself in other stories...I always say...Tomorow is another day and another day is another dollar...thanks anyhow for your response..Love from Stefanie
Reading here is good, but you have to focus on YOU now. Your situation is dangerous.
Maybe, after you pass out and wake up covered from head to toe in bruises like I did a week ago, it will be enough. Maybe you won't be so lucky though.
Right now, it's all about STEFANIE. What's your next step?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 72
Okay Aries, handle it your way. The only reason we all are here is because we've all been at the bottom of the trash can before and we've decided to climb out of it. Once you're clean and living life correctly, you'll understand what I mean about choosing to stay in the bottom of a trash can.
Everything is a choice Aries. We're not victims. But some of us don't learn that for a long, long time.
Bottom line, is you have to get tough with yourself before you're going to change. No one else can or even wants to do it for you.
I have cats too. I would be crushed if I didn't have anyone to care for them and if this was the reason I didn't leave my apartment or ask for help. You haven't even called yet (a hospital) to see what resources might be available for you, so how do you know you can't get your cats taken care of? If I were there, I'd be happy to come and take care of them while you were coming out of the trash can. I'm not the only one in the world who would do this for you, and until you start asking those kinds of questions from people who can and want to help, you're not going to know, will you, if someone would be willing to do that for you and take care of your cats?
I won't post anymore on "your" thread, since you seem to think it only belongs to you. I don't want to rain on your pity parade anymore. I'd hate for any other people to stop feeling sorry for you, because that's obviously what you are searching for. You don't want help, you just want people to tell you what a victim you are.
But if you'll take at look at all the people who have responded to you, they've all had the same message for you...get help now.
Everything is a choice Aries. We're not victims. But some of us don't learn that for a long, long time.
Bottom line, is you have to get tough with yourself before you're going to change. No one else can or even wants to do it for you.
I have cats too. I would be crushed if I didn't have anyone to care for them and if this was the reason I didn't leave my apartment or ask for help. You haven't even called yet (a hospital) to see what resources might be available for you, so how do you know you can't get your cats taken care of? If I were there, I'd be happy to come and take care of them while you were coming out of the trash can. I'm not the only one in the world who would do this for you, and until you start asking those kinds of questions from people who can and want to help, you're not going to know, will you, if someone would be willing to do that for you and take care of your cats?
I won't post anymore on "your" thread, since you seem to think it only belongs to you. I don't want to rain on your pity parade anymore. I'd hate for any other people to stop feeling sorry for you, because that's obviously what you are searching for. You don't want help, you just want people to tell you what a victim you are.
But if you'll take at look at all the people who have responded to you, they've all had the same message for you...get help now.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
But I wasn't drinkin since the day before yesterday...Yeah ok yesterday three beers against the track...My next step is to stay tuned to SR and tomorow take other steps...Love from Stefanie
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Salish Chick
If you don't drink....You won't get drunk...Lots of Love from a drunk. See you tomorrow. Hang in there
Only Just Begun
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 7
Sometimes the things that seem horrible to us in the moment are the very actions that save us. Reaching out for help, calling a hotline, those may sound horrible, but they are the beginning of something so much better than what you might think you have today. Hang in there, you are important.
Linda
Linda
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by ARIES
But I wasn't drinkin since the day before yesterday...Yeah ok yesterday three beers against the track...My next step is to stay tuned to SR and tomorow take other steps...Love from Stefanie
You're not a fictitious character though, and yeah, tomorrow might be waiting for you. So might a pine box.
I wasn't drinking the day before my last hellish night of drinking either.
What are your choices? You have two; to drink or not to drink. Not drinking anymore is a safe choice. The results of the other you can leave to your imagination....
Do you need detox? Can you safely quit without medical intervention? Go to a hospital if you must. You need to quit today. Not tomorrow.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Autumn
Do you need detox? Can you safely quit without medical intervention? Go to a hospital if you must. You need to quit today. Not tomorrow.
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by ARIES
No realy don't need detox..I need no medication..I need SR...I know from the past that's the only thing that works for me...Love from Stefanie
If you don't need detox, will you quit today?
You CAN do it.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Autumn
Is it working now? I'm glad SR is here for you, if it's all you have at the moment, or all you choose to have. But don't rule out that you might need outside help. If SR hasn't been enough for you to quit in the past, what will it take?
If you don't need detox, will you quit today?
You CAN do it.
If you don't need detox, will you quit today?
You CAN do it.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Oh Stefanie, i'm so sorry...and I'm also sorry that some people think that being judgmental is in any way helpful!!!!
I am thinking of you - and wanted to tell you that I remember about 6-ish months ago you were doing SO WELL, you were sober and peaceful and doing all your creative things....you can get there again - and beyond!
I am so sorry that things are so bloody tough right now - i know what it feels like, and it's worse when you have your self to blame...but don't be too hard on yourself alcoholism is a powerful disease, and you know once we take thta first drink, ~God knows what can happen!
You are in my thoughts and prayers Stef. You are a special lady, you can do this if you take it slowly and use what's available - that includes SR but you know in my experience talking face to face to other alcoholics SO WORKS!!! You don't need to go to a 'meeting' if you don't want that - but you could phone AA and meet someone to talk to? one alcoholic helping another is very very powerful,.
thinking of you
love
cathy31
x
I am thinking of you - and wanted to tell you that I remember about 6-ish months ago you were doing SO WELL, you were sober and peaceful and doing all your creative things....you can get there again - and beyond!
I am so sorry that things are so bloody tough right now - i know what it feels like, and it's worse when you have your self to blame...but don't be too hard on yourself alcoholism is a powerful disease, and you know once we take thta first drink, ~God knows what can happen!
You are in my thoughts and prayers Stef. You are a special lady, you can do this if you take it slowly and use what's available - that includes SR but you know in my experience talking face to face to other alcoholics SO WORKS!!! You don't need to go to a 'meeting' if you don't want that - but you could phone AA and meet someone to talk to? one alcoholic helping another is very very powerful,.
thinking of you
love
cathy31
x
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by ARIES
Thanks again for your reply...Wel today is my first day sober...I just find out that tomorow it would be a year ago I found SR
Are you truly sober (or rather, "dry") right now, or are you pullin' my leg?
I'll stick around here as long as I can, but the hunny will be home soon. I have been online here since I woke up, and I gotta wash some dishes and pull something out for dinner. Heck, I haven't even brushed my hair yet, lol! Oh well, it's my day off.
Keep posting though ok? I'll still be here while I run around the house a bit.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Thanks Kel and Cathy31...It really does me very good to have such nice replies...I feel so much better already...I really don't know what the future might bring...And realy hope that I can stay in this appartment...But I try not to worry bout it all...The only thing I can do now is to stay sober....But in a way I feel that I don't have the sthrenght to search for another appartment...But anyhow that's a problem for tommorow...Probably I will have a nightmare tonight...But it will be one more day away from the booz....Love you both :hug and thanks again !!!! Love from Stefanie
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Autumn
That's awesome! Good for you. You can quit for good, right here at your favorite place. I'm a babe in the woods
Are you truly sober (or rather, "dry") right now, or are you pullin' my leg?
.
Are you truly sober (or rather, "dry") right now, or are you pullin' my leg?
.
Now you ask me something ...well...I don't think you can call yourself sober after a day...But rather dry....You're funny autumn :lol ....Thanks and love from Stefanie
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
