Admitting...and Accepting your an alcoholic are two different things. Hasn't anyone ever told you to "follow" suggestions? Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a big book? Are you ready to SURRENDER? This is your life...YOUR life...an alcoholic reaching out to another alcoholic in the hopes to find a solution...find a solution. May the Creator watch over you in this hard and trying time...it does get better, if you work for it. Take care of you!!