abuse and alcoholism
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abuse and alcoholism
Some advice needed here...
I started counseling last week in order to try to begin truly healing from events in my life that have led me into a variety of self-destructive behaviors, not the least of which is alcoholism (also includes or included at one time bulimia, self-injury, and excessive exercise)..... last night, after my second session - in which we first touched on the sexual abuses that have left me so scarred - I went home and I wanted to just do anything and everything to stop the pain, stop the images in my head... in other words, I wanted to fall back onto old behaviors. I wanted to drink, I wanted to cut myself, I wanted to get rid of the feelings and the pain so freaking badly I can't even describe it sufficiently. My questions are these: to those of you with a similar history, how long does it take to stop needing to hurt yourself for hurts done to you by others? When does it stop hurting? How can I stop myself from drinking? I know each person is different, so I'm not looking for an exact answer here... and I know that I need to go to meetings because that will help save me... I suppose I'm just looking for some support and maybe some ideas about how you handled things, recovering from trauma and from alcoholism.
Thank you for anything you might have to add.
--anne
I started counseling last week in order to try to begin truly healing from events in my life that have led me into a variety of self-destructive behaviors, not the least of which is alcoholism (also includes or included at one time bulimia, self-injury, and excessive exercise)..... last night, after my second session - in which we first touched on the sexual abuses that have left me so scarred - I went home and I wanted to just do anything and everything to stop the pain, stop the images in my head... in other words, I wanted to fall back onto old behaviors. I wanted to drink, I wanted to cut myself, I wanted to get rid of the feelings and the pain so freaking badly I can't even describe it sufficiently. My questions are these: to those of you with a similar history, how long does it take to stop needing to hurt yourself for hurts done to you by others? When does it stop hurting? How can I stop myself from drinking? I know each person is different, so I'm not looking for an exact answer here... and I know that I need to go to meetings because that will help save me... I suppose I'm just looking for some support and maybe some ideas about how you handled things, recovering from trauma and from alcoholism.
Thank you for anything you might have to add.
--anne
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Stick with your counseling the pain your experiancing is part of the therapy process, as horrible as it makes you feel right now. It didn't develop overnight, and will take some time, follow the instructions of your counselor and keep the faith it will eventually not be so painful to experiance. What ever you do, don't pick up, when clean and sober, for a lot of us it's the first time we really experiance our emotions without the mask of our doc. It's hard yes, but it will get manageable. *hugs*
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 628
Hello Anne,
Seeking help for what pained me when I faced what you are facing now led me down an interesting path. I understand your confusion. After some time, I came to realize that in order to be healed, I had to take the medicine...and the medicine is very bitter. I had to walk some treacherous ground. It was not fun. Making an indepth scrutiny of oneself and past relationships with others can be painful and terrorizing, but essential to a full recovery. Be extra patient, understanding, and loving to yourself during this time. Love yourself first and believe that you are worthy of love. The right answers will come to you when the time is right. Best wishes to you as you continue forward.
Val
Seeking help for what pained me when I faced what you are facing now led me down an interesting path. I understand your confusion. After some time, I came to realize that in order to be healed, I had to take the medicine...and the medicine is very bitter. I had to walk some treacherous ground. It was not fun. Making an indepth scrutiny of oneself and past relationships with others can be painful and terrorizing, but essential to a full recovery. Be extra patient, understanding, and loving to yourself during this time. Love yourself first and believe that you are worthy of love. The right answers will come to you when the time is right. Best wishes to you as you continue forward.
Val
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Anne, you'll get through this and it's essential for you to feel the pain, experience it and then let it go. When you start to love yourself bit by bit, the need to destroy and hurt yourself will fade. I used to feel exactly the same and it's a very slow process but it does happen. Try, at the end of each day, to write down 3 things that you liked about yourself during the day. It works!
Love, Anna
Love, Anna
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
(((((Anne))))))
i wish i had answers..and im so sorry bad things have happened to you....im happy you are talking to someone about this....learn to let it go....i hope you know who ever has done this to you..its their PROBLEM..let them keep the pain of it
i sat in emerg almost 5 hours the other night...yeah i went into shock..sobered up pretty fast..and in that time waiting i had time to think a lot over...thought about the waste of time worrying about what has hurt me...thinking about how ive been dwelling on it for so long......then i thought oh boy i was so lucky that night...it could have been worse.....so to me its like having a second chance....so not gonna waste any more time on painful pasts....letting it go....its the past and im finally leaving it there where it belongs
this has made you stronger anne...i hope you know that...time to live anne...our lives are precious and short....so why not be happy...WHY NOT?...stop hurting yourself....thats what us addicts do...for some strange reason we have this need to continue the pain of what others have started with us....today is a new day...anne join me in this...i hurt like h3ll right now....but im happier you know.....
yep happier...i was able to get up out of my bed this morning greet another day...told myself hey this is good.....theres something to be said for that..
wish i knew what to tell you..we both know hurting yourself isnt the answer and the longer you stop doing that to yourself the better things will look
anyway thats my thought on this for what its worth....
i love you anne...gentle hugs coming your way....denise
i wish i had answers..and im so sorry bad things have happened to you....im happy you are talking to someone about this....learn to let it go....i hope you know who ever has done this to you..its their PROBLEM..let them keep the pain of it
i sat in emerg almost 5 hours the other night...yeah i went into shock..sobered up pretty fast..and in that time waiting i had time to think a lot over...thought about the waste of time worrying about what has hurt me...thinking about how ive been dwelling on it for so long......then i thought oh boy i was so lucky that night...it could have been worse.....so to me its like having a second chance....so not gonna waste any more time on painful pasts....letting it go....its the past and im finally leaving it there where it belongs
this has made you stronger anne...i hope you know that...time to live anne...our lives are precious and short....so why not be happy...WHY NOT?...stop hurting yourself....thats what us addicts do...for some strange reason we have this need to continue the pain of what others have started with us....today is a new day...anne join me in this...i hurt like h3ll right now....but im happier you know.....
yep happier...i was able to get up out of my bed this morning greet another day...told myself hey this is good.....theres something to be said for that..
wish i knew what to tell you..we both know hurting yourself isnt the answer and the longer you stop doing that to yourself the better things will look
anyway thats my thought on this for what its worth....
i love you anne...gentle hugs coming your way....denise
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
((((anne)))) A lot of us come from abusive and painful beginnings. I don't know about you, but I have spent my whole life trying to cover it up, run from it, hide, deny, and escape. Well, I ended up an addict, which took me down so hard and so fast that now I almost have no choice but to deal with my emotions. I, too, have that self-destruct monster within. When it is not active, it is always lurking.
My sponsor, a truly wise woman, is teaching me how to move through the pain. She says that when we don't feel our emotions, get angry, grieve, all that stuff gets caught inside of us and will eventually come out one way or another. Like in drinking, drugging, cutting, hair pulling, food, exercise, sex, self-loathing and on and on and on. So, today I am facing my emotions, my grief, my pain, my shame, my compulsions head on. It's scary as hell, but the growth is amazing.
Maybe it's time to stop running?
Stick with your councelor, your higher power and hold on tight to the people (especially women) in your life that support you.
And remember... courage is being scared, but doing it anyway.
Sending you love and light and peace,
jojo
My sponsor, a truly wise woman, is teaching me how to move through the pain. She says that when we don't feel our emotions, get angry, grieve, all that stuff gets caught inside of us and will eventually come out one way or another. Like in drinking, drugging, cutting, hair pulling, food, exercise, sex, self-loathing and on and on and on. So, today I am facing my emotions, my grief, my pain, my shame, my compulsions head on. It's scary as hell, but the growth is amazing.
Maybe it's time to stop running?
Stick with your councelor, your higher power and hold on tight to the people (especially women) in your life that support you.
And remember... courage is being scared, but doing it anyway.
Sending you love and light and peace,
jojo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
Thank you all. I suppose I know these things already... the medicine is indeed bitter. I do need courage... I wish I had more than I do, but I will have to get by on what I have. I almost don't even know how to exist, how to *be* at all if I'm not being self-destructive. I understand that I need to learn how to love myself, and that I need to feel things and face things head-on... I have to somehow take that understanding and act on it. I think this woman, this counselor, can help me. I hope she can.
Anna - thank you for your understanding and empathy. Writing down the three things...might be a little hard, but it's a great idea and I will try to use it.
Denise - I'm so glad you're ok, and so sorry that you're hurt. Thank you for your love - hearing that people love me brings tears to my eyes.
Val - thank you too for your empathy and good wishes, and thank you for sharing your own experience.
Jo - it is time to stop running. it was time long ago.. I pray that I have the capacity to turn and fight instead. thank you, too, for your love.
thank you all. and wish me luck.
--anne
Anna - thank you for your understanding and empathy. Writing down the three things...might be a little hard, but it's a great idea and I will try to use it.
Denise - I'm so glad you're ok, and so sorry that you're hurt. Thank you for your love - hearing that people love me brings tears to my eyes.
Val - thank you too for your empathy and good wishes, and thank you for sharing your own experience.
Jo - it is time to stop running. it was time long ago.. I pray that I have the capacity to turn and fight instead. thank you, too, for your love.
thank you all. and wish me luck.
--anne
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by quercusalba
Jo - it is time to stop running. it was time long ago.. I pray that I have the capacity to turn and fight instead. thank you, too, for your love.
You do have courage, anne. It takes courage to quit drinking. It takes courage to be willing to get help and do the work. You just need to remember that it is already within you. Remember, too, that you are not alone. Let others in recovery love you until you can love yourself. Let them carry you until you can walk.
Sending unlimited love and support and prayers your way.
jojo
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 689
Hi Anne,
I know exactly what you are experiencing. An unfortunate truth is that to heal from past trauma and abuse we almost have to relive it. It hurts like hell. It doesn't seem fair. But it is what will ultimately lead to relief and healing.
Right now it feels incredibly intense. That is normal. It will not always feel this way. As the feelings from the past surface, with the safety of a therapist, they can begin to lose their power. We can begin to process them and understand how scared we felt in how much pain. We can begin to understand it made sense to feel that then, and we can begin to understand the difference between then and now. The difference between the past and the present.
In the past, we didn't have options. We couldn't escape. So we found other ways to escape or find relief from the feelings -- all the things you have been through. For a while, we may have felt some relief. But not real relief. Which is why it never stopped hurting really. Now you get to rewrite the script. You will begin to see you have other options.
It times of extreme stress, when images are flooding in, when you feel at risk of self-harm, when you feel dissociated, you might the technique below useful. I did:
KEEP BREATHING....in and out....in and out....
If you begin to feel dissociated, or just want to induce physical relaxation, try these simple instructions:
* Name 5 things you can see.
* Name 5 things you can hear.
* Name 5 things you can feel.
* Name 4 things that you see.
* Name 4 things you can hear.
* Name 4 things you can feel.
* Name 3 things you can see
* Name 2 things you can see.
* Name 1 thing you can see...
Each time you identify something that you see, hear or feel, say "I see …, I see ..., I see ..., I see ..., I see ..., I hear ..., I hear ..., I hear …
This rhythmic repetition is very relaxing and calming.
The same object, sound or feeling can be named constantly until you feel relaxed enough to rest a while.
This can be done in silence or said aloud. It can be repeated as often as necessary. If you lose your place in the exercise; just begin again where you think you left off.
best,
gf
I know exactly what you are experiencing. An unfortunate truth is that to heal from past trauma and abuse we almost have to relive it. It hurts like hell. It doesn't seem fair. But it is what will ultimately lead to relief and healing.
Right now it feels incredibly intense. That is normal. It will not always feel this way. As the feelings from the past surface, with the safety of a therapist, they can begin to lose their power. We can begin to process them and understand how scared we felt in how much pain. We can begin to understand it made sense to feel that then, and we can begin to understand the difference between then and now. The difference between the past and the present.
In the past, we didn't have options. We couldn't escape. So we found other ways to escape or find relief from the feelings -- all the things you have been through. For a while, we may have felt some relief. But not real relief. Which is why it never stopped hurting really. Now you get to rewrite the script. You will begin to see you have other options.
It times of extreme stress, when images are flooding in, when you feel at risk of self-harm, when you feel dissociated, you might the technique below useful. I did:
KEEP BREATHING....in and out....in and out....
If you begin to feel dissociated, or just want to induce physical relaxation, try these simple instructions:
* Name 5 things you can see.
* Name 5 things you can hear.
* Name 5 things you can feel.
* Name 4 things that you see.
* Name 4 things you can hear.
* Name 4 things you can feel.
* Name 3 things you can see
* Name 2 things you can see.
* Name 1 thing you can see...
Each time you identify something that you see, hear or feel, say "I see …, I see ..., I see ..., I see ..., I see ..., I hear ..., I hear ..., I hear …
This rhythmic repetition is very relaxing and calming.
The same object, sound or feeling can be named constantly until you feel relaxed enough to rest a while.
This can be done in silence or said aloud. It can be repeated as often as necessary. If you lose your place in the exercise; just begin again where you think you left off.
best,
gf
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
(((((Anne))))) I hope you're feeling a bit better today.
You're a strong intelligent woman....just like all of the woman on the boards here.
I requested a song for you.....the song is sung by a very strong woman who over came some harsh obsticles in her life....she rose above it, and so will you....
TINA TURNER..the song I requested is Simply The Best....scroll down to the new requests you'll find it there.
Time to heal my friend...love you ((((Anne))))) big hugs....Denise
http://www.freewebs.com/summernite/index.htm
You're a strong intelligent woman....just like all of the woman on the boards here.
I requested a song for you.....the song is sung by a very strong woman who over came some harsh obsticles in her life....she rose above it, and so will you....
TINA TURNER..the song I requested is Simply The Best....scroll down to the new requests you'll find it there.
Time to heal my friend...love you ((((Anne))))) big hugs....Denise
http://www.freewebs.com/summernite/index.htm
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
FEAR!!!!!
F*** Everything And Run
OR
Face Everything And Recover...
Seems to me that you are taking the latter.....recovery can cause pain but never as bad as that which you have already been through. I am in the same position.
My doc asked me yesterday if I had suidcidal feelings. Well clear headed me admitted that I have little hope in terms of my own personal future. However I do realise that when I hurt myself I dont actually achieve anything other than fuelling my self worthless feelings. Suicide is not an option as it would leave my children without their only parent per se and all insurance policies would be null and void so in short - I cannot take this route as it is just toooo self centred and selfish.
Progress - where you may ask indeed??? But not so very long ago I did consider and partake in such activities. Face the pain and come out the other side a stronger and more self loving person. The self love is shocking hard and must be worked on. I will tell you if I find any quick short cuts but it must be said that staying sober is one of the fastest and indeed most self rewarding gifts we can bestow on ourselves and then in turn to those we love and care for.
Luvs and Gentle Recovey wishes for you.....Ama xXx
F*** Everything And Run
OR
Face Everything And Recover...
Seems to me that you are taking the latter.....recovery can cause pain but never as bad as that which you have already been through. I am in the same position.
My doc asked me yesterday if I had suidcidal feelings. Well clear headed me admitted that I have little hope in terms of my own personal future. However I do realise that when I hurt myself I dont actually achieve anything other than fuelling my self worthless feelings. Suicide is not an option as it would leave my children without their only parent per se and all insurance policies would be null and void so in short - I cannot take this route as it is just toooo self centred and selfish.
Progress - where you may ask indeed??? But not so very long ago I did consider and partake in such activities. Face the pain and come out the other side a stronger and more self loving person. The self love is shocking hard and must be worked on. I will tell you if I find any quick short cuts but it must be said that staying sober is one of the fastest and indeed most self rewarding gifts we can bestow on ourselves and then in turn to those we love and care for.
Luvs and Gentle Recovey wishes for you.....Ama xXx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
Hi Anne
Exploring the problem is ok if it leads to living in the solution.
Living in the solution is starting to challenge those negative beliefs and start being willing to believe new ones. Positive, forgiving, self-loving new ones.
And don't drink even if your arse is on fire.
Andy
Exploring the problem is ok if it leads to living in the solution.
Living in the solution is starting to challenge those negative beliefs and start being willing to believe new ones. Positive, forgiving, self-loving new ones.
And don't drink even if your arse is on fire.
Andy
Last edited by Andy F; 02-05-2005 at 12:27 PM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Q :-)
I have experienced feeling very similar to those you mention. I used to have a fascination for glass. Large panes of it. I would rub the palms of my hands against the glass until I could make it sing a wondrous pure note. 'course, I'd break the glass in the process, and the pain I felt as it cut my flesh was about the only feeeling I could experience when I was in the depth of my depression as an adolescent survivor of incest and abuse.
What works for me today, in addition to all the fine advice that has already been posted, is to get on the phone and talk to somebody from the list of phone numbers I received at my meetings. Getting in touch with real people in a real meeting, or lacking a meeting then just the phone, is the best therapy I have found. I also focus on just the immediate present. Just focus on getting thru today. Sometimes it's just an hour. Sometimes just five minutes.
It's kept me sane and sober for 24 years now, and although I have challenges in life, I am far happier and healthier today than ever before. You can do it too, all you have to do is go to a lot of meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and it will work for you too.
Mike :-)
I have experienced feeling very similar to those you mention. I used to have a fascination for glass. Large panes of it. I would rub the palms of my hands against the glass until I could make it sing a wondrous pure note. 'course, I'd break the glass in the process, and the pain I felt as it cut my flesh was about the only feeeling I could experience when I was in the depth of my depression as an adolescent survivor of incest and abuse.
What works for me today, in addition to all the fine advice that has already been posted, is to get on the phone and talk to somebody from the list of phone numbers I received at my meetings. Getting in touch with real people in a real meeting, or lacking a meeting then just the phone, is the best therapy I have found. I also focus on just the immediate present. Just focus on getting thru today. Sometimes it's just an hour. Sometimes just five minutes.
It's kept me sane and sober for 24 years now, and although I have challenges in life, I am far happier and healthier today than ever before. You can do it too, all you have to do is go to a lot of meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and it will work for you too.
Mike :-)
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