Thank you all. I suppose I know these things already... the medicine is indeed bitter. I do need courage... I wish I had more than I do, but I will have to get by on what I have. I almost don't even know how to exist, how to *be* at all if I'm not being self-destructive. I understand that I need to learn how to love myself, and that I need to feel things and face things head-on... I have to somehow take that understanding and act on it. I think this woman, this counselor, can help me. I hope she can.
Anna - thank you for your understanding and empathy. Writing down the three things...might be a little hard, but it's a great idea and I will try to use it.
Denise - I'm so glad you're ok, and so sorry that you're hurt. Thank you for your love - hearing that people love me brings tears to my eyes.
Val - thank you too for your empathy and good wishes, and thank you for sharing your own experience.
Jo - it is time to stop running. it was time long ago.. I pray that I have the capacity to turn and fight instead. thank you, too, for your love.
thank you all. and wish me luck.
--anne