ToughChoices

I attended a lovely wedding with my family this weekend. Gorgeous Catholic mass and HUGE 8 hour reception that my 10 year-old danced all.the.way. through. So much fun!

The bride was one of my husband’s former athletes, and many of his past players were there to celebrate. It was a great reunion and a great time.

Many people were drinking. Lots of folks were pretty drunk. Two of my husband’s previous players were inebriated to the point of self-recognition. As in, I could recognize my previous behavior in theirs. They were FUN and dancing and laughing, but there was definitely an element of searching and escaping.

After visiting with each of them I thought, “She is one of us.” My husband says I’m being fatalistic, but I could sense the difference between those 2 dear souls and all the other drunken people at the party. Drunk vs. drinking problem.

Not sure what that means or what to do with it.

Does this ring true/familiar for anyone else? At this point it just makes me want to make myself available in the future- if they come to believe they have a problem.

It seems like looking into the future, and it’s weird. Thoughts?

venuscat

Yes, 100%. You can see it a mile away, I think. And the idea of being available down the line as a shoulder or help is the best we can do. We can pass it on, but we can't push anyone. I mean, we can try, but it is rarely successful.

The wedding sounds magnificent—I am so glad you had a lovely time, and your daughter dancing her way through it put a huge smile on my face. xx

KneePads

Great post!

Yep. I hate to feel like I’m judging anyone, but yeah. I think we just KNOW. Because we’ve lived it ourselves and over a looong time period we’ve usually tried to give ourselves any possible valid excuse/reason/loophole/explanation of why we haven’t got a drink problem. And the ‘normal explanations’ have all been obliterated one way or another.

So yes. I think we know. Although of course we may sometimes be wrong! But I think generally, intuition can’t help but take over.

You’re very kind to keep her on the radar for if and when she might want help. Xxx

KneePads

Me too xxx

ToughChoices

Thank you both. I think it is the searching spirit behind the drink that gives it away. Or maybe I’m projecting my own experience onto others?

Nothing to do for it but be kind, honest, and willing to help if needed.

matilda123

Yes! Very familiar! It’s almost like when you buy a certain model of a car: suddenly you start seeing it everywhere.

KneePads

😂😂 Love the non-emotional comparison! xxx

Buckley3

100%

I guess I'm a bit sensitive to it now but it doesn't take me long at all to spot. Also have had the weird experience multiple times where when someone finds out I quit they start sharing all kinds of info about their habit - awkward. :P

KneePads

I quite like it when people do that It feels like we both show a bit of vulnerability to each other and all of a sudden there’s a bit of realness there

matilda123

I agree, KneePad. In sobriety I realize two seemingly contradictory things: 1) that the drinking I thought was "normal" was far from normal. Few folks drink as much as I did. ; 2) Lots of folks are going through a reassessment of their drinking, especially post-pandemic. The number of people who say "me too" when I say I don't drink is surprising me.

Oglsby

As my friend used to say, "A duck knows a duck". lol

mav

Definitely. You can spot the potential problem drinkers from the normies for a mile away. I was at a performance/event thing last night; you could see those people who were literally itching for intermission to arrive so that they could get back to the bar, and then coming back laden with enough booze to get them through the 2nd half.

Such a good point.

It's astonishing how often this happens; and is such a blatant tell for someone who is in those early stages of being worried about their drinking... running through all those (pointless) tests trying to determine if they were "as bad" as you and whatnot.