Leshar

I love this reframe! Thanks, very helpful!
Peke, you are a kind person. We are all doing a difficult thing, and I think we need to treat ourselves kindly. 🤗

Offthemast

The guy in line was way out of line. Mind your own business, dude!

As far as the first one I like Bekinds advice. The ol switcharoo.

Pekelover2

Thank you everyone for your support. It’s embarrassing to have to post threads like this. I am going to meet a friend for lunch. If I apologize, I’m going to pinch the inside of my wrist. It might seem silly but I have to do this to make myself aware of what’s going on. The idea of saying thank you is such a great one. For example, yesterday, when my friends from bike club, cycled over to my car, I could have wished them a good morning, and then started to pack my gear. If it was quiet, I could’ve said thank you for being patient. Actually I could’ve said absolutely nothing. But if I do feel like apologizing the words, thank you are fantastic. I need to regain some assemblance of dignity and self-respect. That’s what causes me to drink. So thank you all for understanding. Here I go!

Steely

You can do it, Peke. I know you can.

RAL

I love this too

AL48

I hear you Peke. I too apologise for things that i probably shouldn't. (the butcher one was ok with me that other guy was an a**) . I did take things to heart a bit more in the beginning and im ashamed to say i lost my temper a few times too. It was an emotional roller coaster during my year one but through a bit of meditation and being selfish, even thinking about putting me first at times seems to be benefiting others around me.
Keep your head up Peke you are doing great.

Pekelover2

Lunch went well. She’s a dear friend so it was a good time to experiment when I’m in a “comfy” mode. Not like when there are a lot of ppl and I feel less confident.
I did apologize once. She doesn’t like loud noise and they cranked up the stereo. She laughed and rolled her eyes. So I automatically said “god that’s loud. Yikes. Sorry”. But then I pinched my wrist. It was too late. But I was at least aware of it.
Practice practice practice.
Thank you again for understanding my situation.
(See?? I said thank you. Not I’m sorry).

Steely

You’re doing it Peke!

ThatWasTheOldMe

The most important thing is we make it through the day sober. Everything else is a detail.

Oglsby

I would have told the jerk guy, "I'm sorry you can't mind your own business, sir." LOL. Snarky can be fun.

Your a beautiful soul Peke. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water as they say during your recovery. You can still be the wonderful empath you are. The real you is emerging and overcoming.

Anna

Peke, I love the effort that you're putting into this.

Bekindalways

I like this. Although I kind of enjoy adding a bit of positive details to my life.

Thanks to all of you hacking away at life. It helps to be part of a peloton!!

Hodd

To be fair, Peke, I get flustered when setting up a bike or whatever with people standing there watching. I know they don’t mean to hassle, but they should just back off.

And I wouldn’t worry about saying sorry. It’s hardly a crime, is it? 🙂

It’s not that easy to get cycle buddies. I went on a “group ride” a few weekends ago, and of the 8 who said yes, 2 of us went cycling 🤣

DeplorableDog

Hodd brings up a very good point here. What is the most aggravating to me is when people "want" to go on a group ride, commit to it and then don't show. We all have stuff that suddenly comes up but I am talking about those who do it over and over and over. It annoys me when people agree to meet up and then are not there just because they didn't feel like it. So Peke, don't feel bad because at least you show up when you commit to being there.

Ayers

Peke - I can relate to this. I perpetually feel guilty. About the most random things.
So, I also tend to always apologise - for the most random things.
My husband has a standard answer ready for me when a situation crops up and it's : "Yes, I know ... you feel guilty"
So, I'm also working on it. I go out of my way not to apologise - it's an active action - I have to think about it, think it through and then respond.
I've also learnt to say 'no'. Even when it feels selfish.
Someone asked me to do something a while ago and I said she should ask me again the next day.
She asked why - was I worried I would forget?
And I said, "No, but by then I would've thought of a good enough excuse."
It feels liberating not saying you're sorry and sometimes saying no.

Pekelover2

Thank you all for these incredible replies.
I must look at this thread several times a day, just to reread all of your suggestions and advice. It means a lot to me.

Purplrks3647

I caught myself apologizing to coworkers yesterday….I have to stop myself too!

Tailai

This is a great thread. Thank you Peke. BeKind’s reply is a classic - a simple positive message, even just ‘thank you for saying that’, really has an impact on a person & translating a thought into an action. Like what Ayers said - waiting a beat to respond is very effective, I count to 3, sometimes 5, to clear my head before responding when I get that feeling I know will result in ‘why am I saying that’.

AL48

Peke it's been on my mind since ive looked at your thread and i wonder is it just the way we were thought as young kids.
I automatically apologise, say please and thankyou, i will always open the door for a lady, let those infront of me inside first so i can leave,the list goes on. Ive taken more notice of these things over the last day or so and i must say i do it a lot without even realising it. I do get a little irritated if its not recognised as me being courteous by some but to be honest these are few and far between almost everyone will smile or say thankyou.
Like I've said before Peke keep your head up you are doing great 👍.

Leshar

Peke, we Canucks are obliged to apologize at least 10 times a day, or we could lose our citizenship! 🤭
You are doing so well!