freedomfries

I can't afford €90 really, so I'll definitely be wanting to do it fortnightly. I give my parents €125/232 of my disability. But really my only expense is vape juice which costs peanuts as long as I'm not in the psych ward and have to use elf bars.

I just find it so hard to trust counselors and I don't want to do the FF thing of ending the session twenty minutes in. I've struggled with psychosis quite badly the last few years and it's made it very difficult to trust people. Can anyone relate?

And should I try and keep the session focused on alcohol or should I share all my problems? My main motivation for getting counselling is the judge's orders if I'm honest, and he only cares that I stop drinking. I'm just worried if I talk about water intoxication or pseudoephedrine or poppers she's going to see it as more urgent especially since my heart is clearly at its limit but my liver is fine. I'm worried she'll be bored by my big standard alcoholism and see the other stuff as a sexier problem. Like my psychiatrist used to be concerned with alcohol but now all he cares about is my sodium ?

freedomfries

€90 btw is a lot even by Ireland's insane prices but she was recommended to me by another counselor. I can't do public addiction counselling because I don't want it connected to my file. I want to be able to be honest without the threat of hospital. And there's a long waiting list and I have court in may.

Bunker

I guess you should talk about what bothers YOU most. You are after all paying that rather large amount of cash.

freedomfries

She's a 30 minute walk so I'm hoping that'll encourage me to stay the full hour. My last counselor was a two minute walk and cost €55, so it was easier to justify leaving early.

freedomfries

Well what bothers me the most is alcohol.

freedomfries

It's just can I work through my alcoholism in isolation or do I need to be upfront about all my addictive tendencies . And what about non substance addictions?

freedomfries

€90 is a tenner less than a public intox fixed penalty notice or conviction so there's that. It's also about the price of a three day bender. Reminding myself of that.

Dee74

I think you'll probably need more than one session to work out if this is helpful or not.
A good therapist should know what you should be talking about.

Don't try and second guess it too much just yet

good luck!
​​​​​​​D

freedomfries

Thanks Dee.

freedomfries

Kind of excited about therapy. I have a lot on my mind. Got cleaned up and put a nice outfit on to make a good impression.

RAL

I'd be honest ff. None this is in isolation. Obvs not drinking is great but if you're drinking dangerous levels of water taking drugs etc its not getting to root of problem. Obvs psychiatrist worried about the water as that will kill you soon whereas alcohol more a slow burn.

Imo no point even starting therapy if you're not going to be honest. Good luck.

RAL

And as Dee said 1 session isnt enough. It's a months long if not years process

Just concerned if you're only doing this for the judge and not cos you really want the help and support then is it just a box ticking exercise

Steely

Start out with what you feel comfortable with Freedom.

As time goes on open up that little bit more about the rest, and as you begin to trust. You don’t have to address everything in the first session.

Take it slowly, at your own pace.

freedomfries

Thanks Steely, RAL. I suppose I'll just give her the full low down in the first session, but I do want to prioritize alcohol just because it's such a messy and unpredictable drug. I'm in the waiting area now. Weather is beautiful and they're playing calming music. No receptionist to be seen but I'm sure someone will be with me.

RAL

Atb ff

Lixie

Please remember that therapy only works if you do the work. Midset is everything. You have to commit to therapy, work on yourself and take in everything the therapist tells you. I have been a teacher for hundreds of years (or so it seems) and I can tell you that learning happens when the student adapts what I am saying and creates the pathways in the brain. The student who doesn't pay attention or decides that it is too boring will not retain anything, having learned nothing. In the very same classroom.

DO.THE.WORK.

Lixie

You won't read this until after the session, but hearing you say that you want to prioritize alcohol for now tells me that you need a mindshift. You have to work on YOU, on your self worth, on your self esteem. You need to like yourself better, so that you treat yourself better. I've said it before: Sobriety isn't about quitting drinking/drugging/self harm, it is about loving yourself so that you don¨t NEED to drink/drug/self harm.

freedomfries

Thanks Lixie. You're right.

My appt is 1115 so have a few mins left to wait. I came early as I was worried about getting lost. But her directions were good so that's a good start!

freedomfries

Counselling went ok. She wants me to do 90 meetings in 90 days. I'll give it a shot. Next meeting tonight.

Steely

Give it a shot Freedom. Try not get yourself into a lather if you don’t make 90 tho.

Point is to remain sober, discuss with the counselor next session what prevented you from getting to a meeting.

Start to trust. Start to get honest about your feelings. Tell it like it is.