Behappy1

A taper is possible if you keep it at a taper and not a full blown bender. Try and eat and drink as much h20 as you can. And sleep! Stay with it Bottomed, this is do-able!

biminiblue

Okay, so now you have a bottle of gin.

What is your PLAN? If it's a taper, make it short, not drink the whole bottle.

biminiblue

Here's my suggestion:

Call AA. They have people who answer the phones as part of their "giving back." They may be able to send someone to you to sort of watch over you as you taper, if that's your plan. Then if something goes sideways they can call the ambulance. If you call, they'll have ideas.

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

(hi, sao!!)

Bottomed

I called AA the man on the phone had a rant about immigrants in Scarborough. It's a half bottle and it's gone, clearly can't taper. Not getting anymore. I can't eat. I'm just going to take what comes next 24 hours. I know the anxiety and fear and physical stuff and hallucinations will come. I have a little teddy bear. My cat went missing last October. I just will try to be brave. I know they are hallucinations but they still scare me.

biminiblue

A rant about immigrants? What the? That's bizarre, but there are all sorts out there!

Okay, well if you have access, maybe try a Zoom AA meeting. I went to a face to face meeting on Day 3, but I have seen people in person in meetings while they're still drinking or trying to detox so you're welcome there, too. They were always treated with dignity and helped to find resources. You can get someone's phone number who sounds a bit more sane.

Hang on, do you have any food at all? You say you can't eat - do you have any sugar in the house? Can you make some well-sugared tea? Make sure to keep drinking fluids, and if possible get some sugar and salt for electrolytes.

p.s. my teddy bear saved me more than once.

Steely

I'm glad you're not buying anymore Bottomed.

I'm glad Ted is by your side, too.

Apart from rant about immigrants what did the AA guy suggest? Surely something, given how unwell you are?

If you believe you are going to go into full blown withdrawal Bottomed you need to see a doctor to prescribe you medication.

You can always call an ambulance if you are this sick. Have you experienced seizure before? If so, your risk of it happening again is heightened. See a doctor Bottomed. Ask your kids for help.

Hodd

I’ll be blunt here, bottomed. A friend of mine has a partner dying of leukaemia. There’s no light at the end of that tunnel, and if they could have your troubles instead, they would. Yes, you’ve got a lot on your plate, but you can start to work on these problems one at a time. You’re doing a brilliant thing to acknowledge your drinking - it’s a major factor in your battle as it is/was with all of us. You must realise you’re already better and braver than the majority of problem drinkers who never face facts. Even if you start tackling one of these problems a day, you’ll see things improving. Take it easy and please remember some people are way worse off. All the best for now and please keep posting. We’ve all had/have problems with drink so are 100% behind you.

Bottomed

Thank you for the relies. Yes I know Hodd, I just have to find a way to get a permanent grip on this.
I think (hope) I'm through worst of scary part of withdrawals. I still can't eat or drink much of anything.
I still have the shakes and didn't sleep at all last night, but hallucinations seem to have gone. I saw a hamster climbing up the outside of my bedroom window this morning, up the glass and I have high windows. Then it changed into a mouse. Then there was nothing there at all!! And weird things on the walls and light shades.
There is mould all over my dishes and sick all over the place.
Don't think I'll ever get pulled together. Money for rent is a massive worry. As is other bills. Can't believe I lost that job over not going in cos I was drinking.

venuscat

Yes, you CAN get it all pulled together. You can wash the dishes, twice if need be, and you can get help with rent and utilities through the Salvos or somewhere. There are lots of options. s

When I was in this boat, I spent a lot of time going to the different places to get food vouchers and whatever help I could get. It gave me something constructive to do, and made me realise that no matter what mess I was in, people have it worse. Way worse. I still had my mental health and a working brain, and I had faith.

And I called the help line every single day. I spoke to those counsellors so often that they felt like friends.

And I am betting almost every alcoholic on SR has lost a job over drinking; not proud to say I did that over and over again.

Thinking of you. ❤️

biminiblue

I am glad you're not drinking today.

May you keep it that way.

I'd say also, do one thing to clean up your environment. Dishes. Sheets. One thing. In a few days you can look for another job. Even washing dishes or sweeping sidewalks is a valuable and honorable position when you need rent.

I've said a prayer for you. I hate to hear of your pain and worry.

silentrun

That's how addiction lies and keeps us trapped. You have options here but you are so beaten down just trying to survive with this. You will recover but you need help at this point. The addiction screws up your mind and other addicts can help you navigate. Trust them! I agree with the people suggesting AA or something similar. Be kind to yourself, you've been thru a lot.

Carlotta

I am glad you are not drinking and getting better today. Don't worry about the future just for now and focus on not drinking. Once you are past withdrawals and your head clears out, you can probably apply for benefits.
Please promise me that if you start seeing things again you will call 911 ok? DTs are super dangerous.
Here is a link to a 24/7 online AA meeting which has a LOT of newcomers from all over the world. Even if AA is not your cup of tea, it will break your isolation and you will get to talk (and listen) to folks who get it and have been in your shoes.

You are loved and you matter and we are here for you. Ok?

24/7 Online Meeting

I am attending an online meeting in 10 minutes if you want to "go with me".
My name is Bea and my avatar is a long haired grey cat with his tongue out. If I am on cam, I have glasses on, am in my kitchen and I am wearing a blue sweater.
Why don't you join me? It is based in my neck of the woods but I have seen British people over there too. (it's on zoom and it is free)
If you make it, send me a dm on zoom and you don't have to go on cam at all. You can just listen

Zoom


AA breakfast group
Saturday, April 29⋅8:00 – 9:00am
DailyMeeting ID: 223 055 650

Password: SEATAC

Added: that meetings is every morning at 8 am here so 4pm in the UK

Bottomed

Thank you for the very kind replies. Makes me feel not so alone. I will take all of your advice onboard.

Carlotta

If you want to attend, the meeting started and no one will bat an eye if you are "late".
It is a big meeting anyway with a mix of long term sobriety and newcomers.

venuscat

❤️

Zencat

Your a worker Bottom, You are employable again. You have that going for you, yes

Make a list of priorities to start with. Do one small task at a time. This is just work stuff your familiar with already.

I can empathise with you because I too have been where you are now emotionally. The depression, anxiety of the uncertainty, trouble organizing my thoughts all the while detoxing. I had to and you have no choice but to pull it together somehow, someway and soon.

Just repeat over and over "I can do this" and it will happen buddy. One step at a time.

What does eating an elephant mean? Desmond Tutu once wisely said that “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.” What he meant by this is that everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on just a little at a time.

Caramel

Salvos = Salvation Army.
(Australian idiom)

Bottomed

Thanks Carmel 🙂

It's day 3, had a dreadful 2 days but managed to eat. I still feel dizzy walking, but don't know if that's because my ears are so clogged I'm practically deaf, can't seem to clear them.
I have been going to online meetings. Have been trying not to think beyond the next hour as that stresses me so much, but have also been trying to get information needed for benefits appointment tomorrow. Even if I do get granted them, will be another 9 weeks before I receive 4 weeks worth, the way UC works.
Have scraped the mould out of the pans and off the plates. Trying to wash and dry some clean clothes and will have a bath later, because I stink.
The rest is going to have to wait. I have never felt so I'll in my life off the drink.
But then never drank a bottle of spirits a day for 3weeks straight either.

Phoned a woman, my friend who I met in an online AA breakout room this morning. She has been supporting me for months, but couldn't face her with yet another failure. But things are so bad now, I have no room for pride.
I really was scared I couldn't get off last binge.
She was on phone for ages and we made a plan for each day. She wasn't judgemental at all.
My son is not talking to me because on Friday I had to go to his house and ask for half bottle of spirits I left at his house that someone gave me for Xmas that I didn't trust myself with.
I couldn't get up the shop and needed it to try to soften the blow of coming down. He wasn't happy at all about giving it to me, but he did and was scathing.
I don't know if I'm making any sense as my head is all muddled.

biminiblue

I couldn't put together a sentence on Day 3 so to me you are doing fantastic.

I'm really glad you are doing the online meetings and starting to clean up and getting some food.

It's not all going to be sorted in a week. Time takes time, right?

Really happy for you that you're starting to take back your life. Well done.

Zencat

Thanks for checking in Bottomed. So glad you are making great progress. Way to get it done Bottomed, very good work on your part.

One hour at a time is a strategy for staying clean.