biminiblue

People are stepping up here, Bottomed. They are giving you resources. If you're not able to access them online, go to a Salvation Army or a church or an AA meeting.

People in real life will help you but you have to help yourself.

venuscat

One more thing—you mentioned you have no credit on your phone, but if you have internet, you can make phone calls that way. Google Voice, for example, is free.

biminiblue

ooooh, Venus, I didn't know that! Why am I paying for T-Mobile?

venuscat

Because you can't take the wifi with you when you go for a walk, so there's that.

biminiblue

Ah! Well, I don't take my phone with me on walks. However I do see your point.

Hodd

Hi Bottomed, some really nice caring advice here 🙂

It sounds like you haven’t had the best medical support and that you’re a bit overloaded with things going on. Try and deal with one issue at a time. The SR gang here are a supportive bunch.

Regarding phone credit, that shouldn’t be an issue as these support lines seem to be free of charge. Take a breath and let’s deal with these problems one at a time. Get some sleep tonight🙂

https://111.nhs.uk

Bottomed

Thanks for relies. I have applied for Universal Credit. However they take 5 weeks to approve you. Then they go on any income you have the last month. Which is my last wage. It will be 9 weeks before I qualify. That's even if I do. If they think you didn't do your best to stay in a job, they can deny you for 13 weeks, 26 weeks depending on circumstances. I've been paying tax for 44 years. A lot, a month. I could have supported myself on this tax. For what? No retirement at 60, no health care. And an additional £90 a month council tax on top of tax and NI and the NI is £200 a month for supposed health care.

Behappy1

Hey Bottomed

I have been right where you are. Not with the exact same things, but have had the world completely against me it seemed. Nothing was going right. Some of it I caused (my drinking contributed to it), some of it I didn't. Sometimes I just continued to drink - just to forget if only for a while. You know what? It was still there when I came too and was somewhat sober. So maybe I'd drink again to forget about it a little longer.

My drinking led me to a deep pit, where I wallowed in self pity for circumstances that I caused along with most that I didn't. One thing it absolutely did not do - it never made them go away. I hope you can pull yourself out of this pit and fight for yourself, for your life.

venuscat

^^^ This ❤️

novips

I was dying and could not get out of the clutches of my addiction till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic for whom A.A. is the only solution. Perhaps you are that type. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program ...." (Big Book, p. 58.)

Bottomed

I know a friend in AA they travelled 300 miles to help me. But went back early cos I only had an airbed for them to sleep on. My bedroom was full of vomit, that I was too ill to make habitable. She did however throw
out a lot of my food from the fridge. I don't
know why. I'm very damaged at the moment.I have family but they don't get in touch. I don't want to bother them. My kids have their own lives. My father inflicted his alcoholism on me. I don't want to do that.

RAL

That's a very dear friend who obviously cares deeply for you. We all care for you too.

No matter who or how we got into the state we are in we all have the power to get better. Can you get some sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning to get help.

venuscat

If you have family who can help, dear Bottomed, I really hope you reach out.

I did that. In 2012, I was pretty much where you are now, and I was out of options. I was estranged from my family, but a dear friend got very real with me and told me to get over myself and call my dad. And I just did it, despite the shame and the fear that I would be told to go jump in the lake. My older sister pretty much did that, in fact, but she/they helped me anyway, and one day at a time, I got out of that deep dark hole.

Bottomed

I can't, everyone is sick of me. My. My dad died a few years ago. Luckily I was able to stay sober for his end days. My daughter and sons just think I'm selfish and dreadful, which I am. My mother is getting on and after her mother and my dad, she can't be bothered with anymore drinkers, which I understand.

Steely

Just stay sober, and get to some AA meetings Bottomed. Cost effective, and immediate. Don't have to make an appointment.

At least this way you will get to talk with other people. People who understand.

Behappy1

I hope you set aside your pride and don't worry about being a nuisance and ask SOMEONE for help. Are you drinking still? Detoxing? Maintaining? You said "everyone is sick of me". They were of me too. Sick of the same old, same old. Sick of helping me get afloat so I could turn around and drown myself again. Know we care. You've gotten a ton of valuable advice here. Through the years I'd come here for advice too. Sometimes I had intentions of getting sober, others times I wanted too, but just didn't. Just get 1 day. Then another. Then one more. I had an app on my phone that I used pretty heavily initially. I watched every HOUR add up at first.

venuscat

My sisters hated me, Bottomed. They blamed me for my mother's death, or at least one of them did. So I do feel I get it. But I had a choice: save my life or not. That was it. So I swallowed my pride.

If I were you, I would reach out to your son or daughter, and tell them you need help. I know it sucks and it is insurmountably hard, but it could save your life. s ❤️

PS....I am the same age as you, just saying. xxxxx

Klio

Sending love and healing thoughts your way ❤️

Bottomed

Thanks. I went to my son's as he lives near. I asked him for gin I had there to try to taper. My neighbour gave me it for Xmas but I didn't want to ruin Xmas so handed him to him. But I wasn't able to make it to the shop. He gave me it after an argument. But told me to get lost until I sobered up. I am very afraid of next 24 hous cos have seen several people die of this. I went through pretty bad withdrawal last time, which was scary. But hospital give me one dose of. Benzo, send me away disoriented and tell be to keep drinking because it is short acting. Going for it alone now. Don't really care if I die. But it's very scary

venuscat

We care, dear Bottomed. s

And I am sorry you didn't get any real help from the hospital last time, but please don't give up. You can use this bottle to taper...please try. s