It has been a while...struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 526
It has been a while...struggling
Hi guys..well I drank again for a month. Today is day 1. I am feeling ashamed and gross and all sorts of negative feelings are running through my head. I am happy I got through day 1. I also go the stomach flu so I have been throwing up with a fever today as well. I am moving back home with my support group and away from my ex boyfriend who hurt me so badly. We only live 2 miles from each other and knowing he is that close harbors a lot of anxiety. I have been seeing a therapist for 4 weeks now as well as a psychiatrist ... I am going to potentially go to AA...though I would like a different route as my thoughts don't align with AA...but I also know I need more of a tribe so to speak to keep me accountable. I also am happy with my therapist and I feel like it suits me to have her. I am relieved to move back home as well... Stress has always been the trigger for my drinking and both my psychologist and psychiatrist have suggest that I may have PTSD from some pretty hard stuff I have been through. I agree... Anyway, I am writing on here with a sore throat, achy body and I finally stopped throwing up. I was able to keep down some eggs and yogurt and water finally. Anyhow, Thank you all for listening
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 1,713
Hey AJ, sorry to hear you've been having a rough time. Sounds like you've got some useful support in place, that's great. Also sounds like you need lots of rest until you're feeling better. Self care always :-) You an absolutely do this and if AA is not for you, there are so many ways to get sober - build your own sobriety. So much wisdom on here. Sending you the warmest wishes
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
I'm glad that you are here, AJ.
I know very few people who excitedly rushed to take their seat in AA. It's a club that no one wants to join, and some of its members/attitudes are far from perfect. But, for me, it's been humbling, life-changing, and beautiful. For me, it WORKS.
I have an absolutely outstanding Women's Big Book Study filled with long-term sobriety sisters who LOVE me and want me to succeed. I have a Monday night 12 Step Study full of wisdom and compassion and self-deprecation. The fellowship of AA is certainly not the only way that people can find sobriety, but it exists to show you a workable path to freedom and encourage you in your walk. Today when I don't agree with a concept or person, I just make a mental note and move on. I sometimes voice my opinion and keep in mind that it's very likely several other people don't agree with me.
Keep on opening your mind to new ideas! If you haven't found your way just yet, the important thing is that you KEEP LOOKING!
Much love!
I know very few people who excitedly rushed to take their seat in AA. It's a club that no one wants to join, and some of its members/attitudes are far from perfect. But, for me, it's been humbling, life-changing, and beautiful. For me, it WORKS.
I have an absolutely outstanding Women's Big Book Study filled with long-term sobriety sisters who LOVE me and want me to succeed. I have a Monday night 12 Step Study full of wisdom and compassion and self-deprecation. The fellowship of AA is certainly not the only way that people can find sobriety, but it exists to show you a workable path to freedom and encourage you in your walk. Today when I don't agree with a concept or person, I just make a mental note and move on. I sometimes voice my opinion and keep in mind that it's very likely several other people don't agree with me.
Keep on opening your mind to new ideas! If you haven't found your way just yet, the important thing is that you KEEP LOOKING!
Much love!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by Introvrtd1 
I’m there with you. Back to binge drinking. 
There's nothing good down that road - whatever you're drinking for -anxiety, fear - whatever the reasons - there's better ways to deal with it, man.
Stop this before it gets too late.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 274
I'm sorry you're going through all this. I've had the stomach flu countless times, and when you're sick like that, everything seems insurmountably awful. I've always said that there are deadly afflictions which are less physically miserable than a bad stomach bug.
Once you're back on your feet and have a few more days of sobriety, I bet you'll feel a lot more hopeful. It's great that you're getting professional help.
Reading the posts on this forum helps me in lots of ways. For one thing, it reminds me that I'm an alcoholic. It's not that I ever forget that I'm powerless against alcohol, but after 4.5 years, I tend to sometimes take my sobriety for granted. Coming here and reading and sharing reminds me.
If you're in early recovery, sharing and talking here can make a world of difference, so stay in touch.
Once you're back on your feet and have a few more days of sobriety, I bet you'll feel a lot more hopeful. It's great that you're getting professional help.
Reading the posts on this forum helps me in lots of ways. For one thing, it reminds me that I'm an alcoholic. It's not that I ever forget that I'm powerless against alcohol, but after 4.5 years, I tend to sometimes take my sobriety for granted. Coming here and reading and sharing reminds me.
If you're in early recovery, sharing and talking here can make a world of difference, so stay in touch.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Chicken soup works wonders..
Glad you made it back AJ. You can do this. You're smart and capable, just bruised.
Read and post regularly, join a monthly class and never take that first drink - it never helps the situation.
Glad you made it back AJ. You can do this. You're smart and capable, just bruised.
Read and post regularly, join a monthly class and never take that first drink - it never helps the situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,842
Sorry to hear you're struggling AJ. Keep posting and sharing. I was the same when i began and needed something but didn't know what or where to find it. I found it here and with the SR community. We are all here to support each other in good times and bad. Stay strong AJ.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 526
Hi everyone... thank you for your replies. You guys have always been so amazing. I have therapy this evening and I am very thankful to my therapist as we have really bonded. Almost done with day 2. I already feel more hopeful. My throwing up stopped around midnight last night and fever/body aches and chills were gone by this morning... so I went on a walk which was helpful. I also got a good amount of errands and work related stuff since it is day 2 ... I don't have much anxiety as I did the first time I stopped drinking.... I have spent way less days this last year with a drink in my hand then in I did with one which is something I realized today I am really proud of. I think it helps knowing I have gone months this year without a single drink in terms of my anxiety and knowing I can get there. I actually slept really well last night. About 2 months ago I cut out caffeine and was astonished to see how much calmer I felt and how much better I slept.... so that is good at least.... You guys are awesome. I am feeling much better than yesterday. I will keep updating on this thread.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 526
Thank you everyone. Day 3 is almost done and I am feeling pretty good. I went on a run today, Worked... Stayed focused even through some anxiety and didn't drink. I was a bit exhausted this morning but it is also pretty windy here so my allergies are acting up.... also just got over the stomach flu..... I had a physical with a full blood panel a few weeks ago and all my results came back really good.... Even the nurse said "man I wish I had your readings" .... which made me feel relieved as well as proud of myself for being sober most of the last year... with several slip ups but came back here within a few weeks each time... sometimes days.... most bloodwork is better than it was 3 years ago... and my liver and kidneys are in optimal shape.... ( per my GP )... so that is all good news for today....
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