Pregnant alcoholic. Have relapsed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Hi
No judgement here just concern. Please make sure your OB knows your circumstances. If they are familiar with your situation they can have Neo natal staff on hand at delivery.
I am the mom of an alcoholic daughter (who is now 2.5 years sober). My grandchild just turned 6. I cannot speak to whether or not my daughter drank during the pregnancy, my grandchild does not have a diagnosis of FAS so I will accept her word that she did not. What I can speak to is her inability to get sober prior to her pregnancy which means that after the birth it was only a matter of time before she started drinking. And in my opinion that is when the greatest damage was done.
Her drinking resulted in our grandchild being placed with us on 2 occasions so our AD could go to extended inpatient care. Our beautiful grandchild's first 4 years were a roller coaster of sober mom, drinking mom, no mom (at nana's during extended rehab), sober mom, drinking mom, no mom. The last time we had her was for 60 days from Nov to January meaning mom missed Christmas with her child.
So what does all this mean for our grandchild? She and mom never infant bonded. She suffers from attachment disorder, dyslexia, speech delay, and sensory processing disorder. She has zero self-esteem and falls apart if she fails. She and I are very close (which annoys my daughter that she listens to nana and not to mom) and I have no sympathy for my daughter. She doesn't trust mom. She is terrified she will leave her again meaning that at age 6 she won't go anywhere in the house, even the bathroom or to the kitchen, for a snack without mom going along (which also annoys our daughter). As I said our daughter has been sober for 2 and a half years but it is going to take a long, long time to recover. Add into this that my daughter started drinking at age 15 which mean her emotional age is 15, she is not prepared to parent. I love my daughter, but she is a lousy mother. It is tough to concentrate on a child's needs and get sober at the same time.
Please get some help.
No judgement here just concern. Please make sure your OB knows your circumstances. If they are familiar with your situation they can have Neo natal staff on hand at delivery.
I am the mom of an alcoholic daughter (who is now 2.5 years sober). My grandchild just turned 6. I cannot speak to whether or not my daughter drank during the pregnancy, my grandchild does not have a diagnosis of FAS so I will accept her word that she did not. What I can speak to is her inability to get sober prior to her pregnancy which means that after the birth it was only a matter of time before she started drinking. And in my opinion that is when the greatest damage was done.
Her drinking resulted in our grandchild being placed with us on 2 occasions so our AD could go to extended inpatient care. Our beautiful grandchild's first 4 years were a roller coaster of sober mom, drinking mom, no mom (at nana's during extended rehab), sober mom, drinking mom, no mom. The last time we had her was for 60 days from Nov to January meaning mom missed Christmas with her child.
So what does all this mean for our grandchild? She and mom never infant bonded. She suffers from attachment disorder, dyslexia, speech delay, and sensory processing disorder. She has zero self-esteem and falls apart if she fails. She and I are very close (which annoys my daughter that she listens to nana and not to mom) and I have no sympathy for my daughter. She doesn't trust mom. She is terrified she will leave her again meaning that at age 6 she won't go anywhere in the house, even the bathroom or to the kitchen, for a snack without mom going along (which also annoys our daughter). As I said our daughter has been sober for 2 and a half years but it is going to take a long, long time to recover. Add into this that my daughter started drinking at age 15 which mean her emotional age is 15, she is not prepared to parent. I love my daughter, but she is a lousy mother. It is tough to concentrate on a child's needs and get sober at the same time.
Please get some help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Leana 
HiNo judgement here just concern. Please make sure your OB knows your circumstances. If they are familiar with your situation they can have Neo natal staff on hand at delivery. I am the mom of an alcoholic daughter (who is now 2.5 years sober). My grandchild just turned 6. I cannot speak to whether or not my daughter drank during the pregnancy, my grandchild does not have a diagnosis of FAS so I will accept her word that she did not. What I can speak to is her inability to get sober prior to her pregnancy which means that after the birth it was only a matter of time before she started drinking. And in my opinion that is when the greatest damage was done. Her drinking resulted in our grandchild being placed with us on 2 occasions so our AD could go to extended inpatient care. Our beautiful grandchild's first 4 years were a roller coaster of sober mom, drinking mom, no mom (at nana's during extended rehab), sober mom, drinking mom, no mom. The last time we had her was for 60 days from Nov to January meaning mom missed Christmas with her child. So what does all this mean for our grandchild? She and mom never infant bonded. She suffers from attachment disorder, dyslexia, speech delay, and sensory processing disorder. She has zero self-esteem and falls apart if she fails. She and I are very close (which annoys my daughter that she listens to nana and not to mom) and I have no sympathy for my daughter. She doesn't trust mom. She is terrified she will leave her again meaning that at age 6 she won't go anywhere in the house, even the bathroom or to the kitchen, for a snack without mom going along (which also annoys our daughter). As I said our daughter has been sober for 2 and a half years but it is going to take a long, long time to recover. Add into this that my daughter started drinking at age 15 which mean her emotional age is 15, she is not prepared to parent. I love my daughter, but she is a lousy mother. It is tough to concentrate on a child's needs and get sober at the same time. Please get some help.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
There are a lot of folks here with a family history of addiction and/or trauma, but a lot of people had loving supportive parents as well, tilz
I blamed my parents and extended family for a long time and for lot of things including my alcoholism...but laying that blame didn't help me get clean and sober.
I'm not sure what point you're at, but, for me, no matter what happened in my past, or in my genes, I had to start accepting the responsibility for my own recovery.
No one else was going to get me sober.
You have an extra life to consider which makes your recovery doubly important, I think?
D
I blamed my parents and extended family for a long time and for lot of things including my alcoholism...but laying that blame didn't help me get clean and sober.
I'm not sure what point you're at, but, for me, no matter what happened in my past, or in my genes, I had to start accepting the responsibility for my own recovery.
No one else was going to get me sober.
You have an extra life to consider which makes your recovery doubly important, I think?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
Felt the need to send a little support to Leana. Not easy watching a grandchild suffer, to this I can attest.
You're making a lot of assumptions tilz.
Absolutely true to say that great damage can be done to child when the parent is drinking destructively. Hard to watch. Hard to remedy. Grief on a stick.
Have you been able to stop drinking tilz?
You're making a lot of assumptions tilz.
Absolutely true to say that great damage can be done to child when the parent is drinking destructively. Hard to watch. Hard to remedy. Grief on a stick.
Have you been able to stop drinking tilz?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Hello Tilz, I'm just sending some positive vibes your way today. I'm 48 and 3 years sober. I'm a mom also.
You can choose to stop. It's damn hard and most of us need support but it's possible for you and it does get so much easier. You will have a better life once alcohol is far behind you. It takes time.
When you pick up that drink there is something inside you justifying it. What is it saying? Talk back to it.
I played the tape forward a lot too; to the next morning and reminding myself no one ever woke up regretting being sober! I learned that on here.
My biggest life-safer in the early days was sugar and binge watching TV. Sugar lifted me out of the lows and helped me relax. There's a lot of information online about how alcohol affects blood sugar.
You've been having good sober blocks of time. Whatever thinking is happening in those periods, you can keep those thoughts alive.
Please keep posting.
You can choose to stop. It's damn hard and most of us need support but it's possible for you and it does get so much easier. You will have a better life once alcohol is far behind you. It takes time.
When you pick up that drink there is something inside you justifying it. What is it saying? Talk back to it.
I played the tape forward a lot too; to the next morning and reminding myself no one ever woke up regretting being sober! I learned that on here.
My biggest life-safer in the early days was sugar and binge watching TV. Sugar lifted me out of the lows and helped me relax. There's a lot of information online about how alcohol affects blood sugar.
You've been having good sober blocks of time. Whatever thinking is happening in those periods, you can keep those thoughts alive.
Please keep posting.
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