cusper

I just got off of the phone with my mother and it was one of those calls I shouldn't have received. I can feel myself in a mood already and I see that she is calling and I should have just let it ring. I know better than that. She tells me that my younger cousin is finally going to rehab for alcohol and how it is such a relief to his parents and everyone. So I ask if his parents were quitting drinking as well (Since they are full on alcoholics as well) and Of course, my alcoholic mom gets mad at this question "well, he (their son, my cousin) doesn't live with them". I am now almost 2 years sober and I can tell you that it is still so freshly sober for me. It honestly feels like I am at the beginning of my journey. My poor cousin (young) has had these two as role models and my mother is still in denial on their drinking because they all have money. I love how none of them take any accountability for their behavior- like ever- and the problem is my cousin's drinking. And of course I sarcastically say, well good luck with that. The alcoholism in our family runs rampant. My aunt and uncle used to feed their only son rum and cokes when he was 18 yrs old - in the morning to hair of the dog his hangover. My mom still continues to drink and complains about her health everyday and won't give up the one thing that is probably making her sick. The frustration is real today. And the truth is, I know all of this is none of my concern. The only things I can control are my choices. I really hope rehab helps my cousin but he is super young and the only child of rich alcoholic parents that he is still financially dependent on. Ok my rant is done I just had to get it out. Thank you for listening.

Dee74

I hope it helped Cusper

How are you doing?

D

Anna

Yeah, we can only control our own choices. Congratulations on your 2 years of recovery.

aasharon90

Congrats on your 2 year sobriety journey. That is a
huge accomplishment.

Before we entered recovery, we drank to numbs all
sorts of feeling whether good or bad. Anger is one
of those feelings that we didnt address right off the
bat, but drink to cover it up more times than we can
count.

Carrying anger with us instead of talking about it
with others, can fester and keep us sick in heart,
mind and soul.

So, coming here to share about your angry feelings,
unloads that burden off your shoulders and allows
you to experience that freedom you are learning in
recovery.

The good thing about living life in recovery is the
tools and lessons we continue to use and learn each
day to help us move further along on our journey to
achieving many of life's amazing gifts.

We use these tools to help us live a healthier more
serene life moving forward. If there are people, places
or things that are triggers to us trying to achieve
them, then we can use an off switch. Or put distance
between them and us.

Many of those triggers try to ruffle our feathers
which is something we are learning how to avoid.

Your recovery is important and like many of us,
we will do whatever it takes to protect what we
work so hard to achieve even if it means letting
go of those people, places or things standing in
our way.

Continue to learn new ways to avoid obstacles
in life that would cause anger and try to block
you from the Sun Light to your happiness and
continued success in recovery.

cusper

Thank you Dee. It did. I had to get it out. I swear I hate what alcohol has done to my family and it's frustrating that I am unable to have an open and honest conversation with my parents about it because they are oblivious. Frankly besides being frustrating it's kind of bizarre.

cusper

Thank you Anna. I know you're right. I guess I just had to vent.

cusper

Thank you asharon90 for the thoughtful post. I know I do have quite a bit of pent up anger from growing up in an alcoholic home. I guess sometimes I wish they could just admit it. I do think it is important to voice my frustration out over it too. That way I can see what I am upset about in front of me. Thank you so much for listening and writing in to me.

Introvrtd1

Rants are very helpful for me too cusper…. Rant on.

aasharon90

Keep coming back and sharing each day if you have
to so that with each step you take in recovery is leading
you in the right direction while continuing to build a stronger,
solid recovery foundation to live your life upon.

The joys and blessings are all waiting for you.

MythOfSisyphus

Part of sobriety is to accept being angry sometimes and knowing it's okay to feel that way. And it's finding ways to cope with that anger that don't involve drinking. Congrats on Two Years! You've come a long way even if it sometimes feels there's still miles to go.

Oglsby

I think your post was very healthy and you sound very grounded in your sobriety. Sometimes we take those calls and sometimes we don't. I think this call reinforced to you that the only real control you have is over your own choices, but I hear your frustration that it is a family thing and you wish more for them....the thing is, they have to want it. It does not sound like they are anywhere close to that point. But you do, and you are here, and I think that is wonderful!!

zenithboy88

Good morning Cusper,
. I feel your pain.
My Adult daughter calls me almost daily.
She's usually venting over the Stoopid things her daughters do.
Frankly I hate hearing it cuz then I'm worried and then pissed off too!
All I can do is put it in God's hands and pray on it
And have faith that it will all work out in the end.
I worked as a planner in industry for 40 years.
I would like to control everything but I realize that the best plans are flexible.
Congrats on your 2 years of sobriety, you are making the right choices for you and that's all anyone can do.

DriGuy

We have to realize that all we can hope for is that on some isolated occasions, if the timing is right, and someone is ready, we can nudge them along an show them a sign post that they can make sense out of. Think about our own recovery. Yes people helped us, and we are grateful for that, but think of the work and the learning that we had to do on our own. 90% of our recovery is our doing, not someone else's. We had to find the paths, make the choices and the commitment to bettering ourselves. Some people helped us, but only when we were ready. We had to let them help.

cusper

THank you introvrd. Every once and a while I have a rant. It helped to get it out.

ToughChoices

Cusper,
It strikes me as infinitely healthier to express genuine frustration and anger (especially in an anonymous, online forum of like-minded people) at a difficult situation than to stuff it or try to "recover" above it immediately.

True. You can't change others.
True. You don't want that responsibility when you really think about it.

But watching other people live in fear, pain, denial, and active addiction sucks.

I like the honesty of your post. It is inspiring to me (someone who has a tendency to skip over that honest anger and try to move right into acceptance/serenity). Gotta walk through the fire to actually feel the relief of rain. Skipping right to the rain (for me) just gets me all soggy and cold.

cusper

Mythofsysofus, yes, I came on here to vent. I know in recovery most of us have family members that are in active addiction and get it more than my friends do. Thank you for writing to me.

VikingGF

Two years is great. I know there can frustration being sober and knowing that it can help others to make changes, but like you said, we can only control our own actions. I’m glad you came here to vent, hope you’re feeling better.

cusper

Olglsby- Thank you. Sometimes I feel a bit ashamed of my anger. I think it really annoys my mom that I get upset about it. She's like, "you're 47, don't you think you should be over this by now?" Yeah I guess, but I am not. I know that I have to stay sober because I remember my childhood and I don't want that childhood for my son, but also I already struggle as a parent- to add active addiction into the mix it would be impossible. Thank you for your thoughtful message.

cusper

Zenithboy88- I agree. I often say to God- I give this over to you, this is none of my business. However yesterday I did not do that. I was fuming. That is very good advice because when I surrender it over to my higher power and say it out loud that really does work. It's a good reminder. And I agree, I also like to try to control everything but I know just letting it go is a better plan.

cusper

DriGuy,
yes! There is no way anyone could have got me to stop drinking until I was ready to myself. However, most of my people didn't see my drinking as a problem. I just knew that it was time to quit. Just like my family members, they will have to decide if they want to quit. However, I have had a family member approach me and ask how I managed to quit and I directed them here.