22 months and struggling a bit.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
22 months and struggling a bit.
I don't know why but I have been tempted to drink the last couple of weeks. I haven't of course and I play the tape through and really all it takes it to think about how my mouth would taste the next day is enough. I went as far as to get a tattoo on my left forearm in the beginning of my second year of sobriety to remind me never to go back. Most of the time I am grateful but lately I have been feeling a bit crazy. I have my brother to reach out to and I am also so grateful that my husband quit drinking in June of this year and that has helped me quite a bit. I just wanted to reach out to say that I am struggling a bit. I know I will get through it. It's at times like this I have to go back to the simple phrase "I will not drink today"
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Dee's idea is a good one, and practical.
The advice I always give to people struggling is this: PRACTICE GRATITUDE! Every day find 1 good thing and express gratitude for it. (we have Gratitude forums here so you could express it there if you don't want to in real life.). If that's too easy then give thanks for 10 things, then 20, then 30 etc etc. And I have found that the more things I am grateful for, the more things I find to be grateful for.
Giving thanks gets us out of the 'me me me' syndrome and makes us think about others.. And sometimes/often, thanking someone in person for something done right really can make their day. .
Giving thanks also makes us recognize the giver's ability. Most things we get have to be grown or made and that takes ability, often skills many of us can't dream of mastering, So in thanking them, you are recognizing their abilities, their talent, and that affects their self esteem. Knowing that many of us, including me, have issues with self esteem, gratitude can really help.
It's a good way of giving a lasting gift.. When I've been given a compliment, I often replay it later cause it feels so good to hear it.
I often call complaint numbers and praise the company instead.
. The phone rep is usually flabbergasted cause they usually only get complaints and they freak out hearing nice things about. ?___________?
Expressing gratitude is a good way to strengthen your sobriety.
The advice I always give to people struggling is this: PRACTICE GRATITUDE! Every day find 1 good thing and express gratitude for it. (we have Gratitude forums here so you could express it there if you don't want to in real life.). If that's too easy then give thanks for 10 things, then 20, then 30 etc etc. And I have found that the more things I am grateful for, the more things I find to be grateful for.
Giving thanks gets us out of the 'me me me' syndrome and makes us think about others.
. And sometimes/often, thanking someone in person for something done right really can make their day. .Giving thanks also makes us recognize the giver's ability. Most things we get have to be grown or made and that takes ability, often skills many of us can't dream of mastering, So in thanking them, you are recognizing their abilities, their talent, and that affects their self esteem. Knowing that many of us, including me, have issues with self esteem, gratitude can really help.
It's a good way of giving a lasting gift.
. When I've been given a compliment, I often replay it later cause it feels so good to hear it. I often call complaint numbers and praise the company instead.
. The phone rep is usually flabbergasted cause they usually only get complaints and they freak out hearing nice things about. ?___________? Expressing gratitude is a good way to strengthen your sobriety. Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,339
My husband quit too!!Ok, I don't want to be too excited about this but I really hope it sticks. Last time I quit (for around 20 months+) a couple of years ago my husband continued to drink and heavily. Needless to say things were not good between us. But now he is right on board with me and I don't want to jinx it but things are really good. He has been sober for over a week and he seems fine. In fact this morning he was telling me he loves the fact that he has more energy. I am hoping this is a new beginning for us as a couple.
i found this by you from 2017……..
Maybe the 20th month ~ is a trigger for you? Are you anxious your husband might go back to drinking again?
Im glad you’re here, so nice to meet you.
Big hugs
🤓❤️
i found this by you from 2017……..
Maybe the 20th month ~ is a trigger for you? Are you anxious your husband might go back to drinking again?
Im glad you’re here, so nice to meet you.
Big hugs
🤓❤️
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Life is full of twists and turns. People, places or things
that ruffle our feathers that want to keep us in our addiction.
Without the need to air out our dirty laundry to the world,
people in recovery rooms or SR, we can take those problems
in privacy to a trusted person.
The rest, everyday problems, we can come here for
example, amongst others learning how to work thru
those situations that want to return us to the insanity
of addiction.
There is always a healthier solution to our everyday
problems, jobs, relationships, physical, mental, emotional,
spiritual, financial, etc, than reaching for a toxic substance
like alcohol or drugs to try and solve them.
There are many of us who have been there, done the
same similar things in life, or have experienced them in
one time or another and have found out that we are not
unique.
Asking questions, listening or reading how other folks
who have over come those everyday past problems
then applying what works without the need to return
to the drink or drug, is one key to achieving success in
life and recovery.
that ruffle our feathers that want to keep us in our addiction.
Without the need to air out our dirty laundry to the world,
people in recovery rooms or SR, we can take those problems
in privacy to a trusted person.
The rest, everyday problems, we can come here for
example, amongst others learning how to work thru
those situations that want to return us to the insanity
of addiction.
There is always a healthier solution to our everyday
problems, jobs, relationships, physical, mental, emotional,
spiritual, financial, etc, than reaching for a toxic substance
like alcohol or drugs to try and solve them.
There are many of us who have been there, done the
same similar things in life, or have experienced them in
one time or another and have found out that we are not
unique.
Asking questions, listening or reading how other folks
who have over come those everyday past problems
then applying what works without the need to return
to the drink or drug, is one key to achieving success in
life and recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I suppose these twitches can happen well into sobriety, but as you've already noted, they are not overwhelming, and you will get through them. This is what "being in control" can feel like. Temptations, thoughts, and vague longings can crop up, but YOU ARE IN CONTROL. You are always in control, or maybe it's better to say, "You always have control." What you decide to do is up to you. Logic comes into play, and be grateful for your sobriety, even if you've got other issues going on at the moment.
Stick with it. 22 months tells us you can do it. You can decide to keep doing it, and for the umpteenth time, it keeps getting better. Never heard that before, right?
Stick with it. 22 months tells us you can do it. You can decide to keep doing it, and for the umpteenth time, it keeps getting better. Never heard that before, right?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
I am glad that you are posting about this, cusper. Keep posting and leaning on us.
As Dee suggested, think about what is going on your life; even the smallest of things can unsettle us, sometimes in subtle ways. Finding a way to resolve or put those little, or big, things into perspective can help.
Maybe, do a little something different for your sobriety each day. Your sobriety is a great thing; a little nourishment goes a long way.
As Dee suggested, think about what is going on your life; even the smallest of things can unsettle us, sometimes in subtle ways. Finding a way to resolve or put those little, or big, things into perspective can help.
Maybe, do a little something different for your sobriety each day. Your sobriety is a great thing; a little nourishment goes a long way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Hi Dee, yes my dog of 15 years is sick and might die. I am really quite sad about that and also I do have a solo art show coming up and it's a bit much because if my dog dies I don't know how I am to host an art show when I am grieving over the loss of my dog. There is more going on as well but those are the two that are the most pressing and I don't always know how to process the stress of it. It was getting too much the last couple of weeks and that is when my thoughts turn to drinking. Only, yes, I know where that ends up and the idea of even going through PAWS again is enough for me to not touch a drop.
Least, yes! I completely agree. Gratitude is the solution. I did get up and change the trajectory of the day a bit by thanking my husband for all of his help and hugging my dog who might not be here much longer and actually telling him that if he needs to go now that he can. I will find out tomorrow what is officially going on. I am going to just try and take it hour by hour the next few weeks. It's a lot. Thank you so much for writing to me and the wonderful advice. I love that you call hotlines and give positive feedback! What a great idea. I do think it is so important to let people know when they are doing something right- it can makes someones day.
Freetobeme! Your story sounds so similar to mine. I did quit for 20 months years back and then slipped at a very trying time in my life while my husband continually drank heavily. It was pretty brutal. I think part of it is that when I quit- I was so focussed on getting through the first year it was somewhat easy and I was driven. Then the second year comes along and it's a bit of a no man's land situation. And then when the **** hits the fan and what I have been used to doing in the past is drinking the pain and stress away. I was very cognizant of my 20 month mark this time around because that was when I slipped. Now at 22 months there are just some stressful things happening and it is hard to just sit with it. My husband seems to have quit quite easily it seems. It is much better in our relationship too. When June was approaching I told him that I didn't want to deal with another summer of sleepless nights over his drinking and I wasn't going to do it. So he just quit like that. And I have never heard him complain once. I hope your husband stays the course!!! Please keep me updated. Very nice meeting you too!
Least, yes! I completely agree. Gratitude is the solution. I did get up and change the trajectory of the day a bit by thanking my husband for all of his help and hugging my dog who might not be here much longer and actually telling him that if he needs to go now that he can. I will find out tomorrow what is officially going on. I am going to just try and take it hour by hour the next few weeks. It's a lot. Thank you so much for writing to me and the wonderful advice. I love that you call hotlines and give positive feedback! What a great idea. I do think it is so important to let people know when they are doing something right- it can makes someones day.
Freetobeme! Your story sounds so similar to mine. I did quit for 20 months years back and then slipped at a very trying time in my life while my husband continually drank heavily. It was pretty brutal. I think part of it is that when I quit- I was so focussed on getting through the first year it was somewhat easy and I was driven. Then the second year comes along and it's a bit of a no man's land situation. And then when the **** hits the fan and what I have been used to doing in the past is drinking the pain and stress away. I was very cognizant of my 20 month mark this time around because that was when I slipped. Now at 22 months there are just some stressful things happening and it is hard to just sit with it. My husband seems to have quit quite easily it seems. It is much better in our relationship too. When June was approaching I told him that I didn't want to deal with another summer of sleepless nights over his drinking and I wasn't going to do it. So he just quit like that. And I have never heard him complain once. I hope your husband stays the course!!! Please keep me updated. Very nice meeting you too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Thank you asharron90 for the helpful advice. It is true. I do listen to AA speeches and realize how similar I am to those who are struggling. And I am grateful to have the wherewithall to be able to post and have incredible people to take the time to write back to me with words of support. Thank you so much.
Thank you Dri Guy! It's true. I think this is one of the most trying times because I am sure my dog won't be here much longer and I am not handling it well. I won't drink over it. I've been thinking about it, but I know where I will end up if I do. I do feel so much better after reading all of these thoughtful responses of support here. Thank you.
Thank you Dri Guy! It's true. I think this is one of the most trying times because I am sure my dog won't be here much longer and I am not handling it well. I won't drink over it. I've been thinking about it, but I know where I will end up if I do. I do feel so much better after reading all of these thoughtful responses of support here. Thank you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Hi Soberleigh! Yes, I knew I had to write in because it was beginning to really play over in my mind. My elderly dog is not well and I am waiting on some results which will decide tomorrow if it's time and I am heartbroken. I also have a solo art show coming up in 3 weeks that I don't know how I could possibly host if I am grieving over my dog. Either way it's just a lot right now and I know that drinking would be the worst decision. I had to post because it's only on here where people understand the nature of this addiction. Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it. I do think I am just going to take the day off of painting today and get outdoors.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Thank you Anna! I think just the next little while I will have to take it more in increments. I really find that just little goals help. I really appreciate you reaching out and writing to me.
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: NC
Posts: 1,655
Hi (((Cusper.))) I am just a bit ahead of you. The 17th will be 23 months for me. I am still suffering from PAWS and that is one of the things that keeps from from relapsing. PAWS is so difficult. I don't ever want to go through this again!
I am so sorry about your dog. Sounds like he or she is lucky to have you. Cherish your last days.
My husband quit 2 months after me and it has made it so much easier.
Getting outside is a great idea. Nature is my church.
Take care.
I am so sorry about your dog. Sounds like he or she is lucky to have you. Cherish your last days.
My husband quit 2 months after me and it has made it so much easier.
Getting outside is a great idea. Nature is my church.
Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Hi CBS62!! You are still suffering from PAWS? Is it that boaty rocky feeling still? I think it was you who was saying that is what you were feeling quite frequently. I am so sorry that you are going through it. PAWS is the worst and I cannot go back to square one for that very reason. And that is great news about your husband too. I really think that if you have a drinking spouse ( or a spouse who drinks heavily) it's like moving in opposite directions.
It is a beautiful day here and it is nice to be out in the world. Thank you for writing to me and please keep me updated on your PAWS situation.
It is a beautiful day here and it is nice to be out in the world. Thank you for writing to me and please keep me updated on your PAWS situation.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I hope your dog will be with you a while yet Cusper 
Good luck with that solo art show too - that’s exciting!
Needless to say drinking would not help your anxiety either way…it would probably be like gasoline on an open fire.
Support can help tho, and there’s a ton of that here. Maybe keep posting, at least for a little while?
D
Good luck with that solo art show too - that’s exciting!
Needless to say drinking would not help your anxiety either way…it would probably be like gasoline on an open fire.
Support can help tho, and there’s a ton of that here. Maybe keep posting, at least for a little while?
D
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