AJ143143

I’m on day 10 … I had anxiety most of the day. I felt off. I went on that super early morning walk. Then worked. Then felt so just off. Just anxious. I am on my “girl time” and that always has been a very hard time for me not to drink. I’ve always had super tough PMS (sorry if it’s TMI)… but it is night and day from when I’m not PMSing. I want to look into a holistic approach to balancing out my hormones. I’ve also had 5 miscarriages and never carried a baby to full term. I am 40 now and past the point of wanting a baby anymore but I will say I do want answers cause it could all be linked. Anyhow I felt so anxious and gross today… so I went to the mini mart next to my house and I bought chocolate. I was really proud of myself for not even thinking to get alcohol or wine. When I was in line there was these 2 girls in front of me in their early 50s or so. (I live in a super hippie kinda beach town). They were clearly coming from the beach and buying seltzers with alcohol in them. They were shaking and looked like they were potentially on drugs or having withdraw from alcohol. The girl who was paying set her backpack on the ground and to get to her wallet she had to pull out a gallon handle of vodka 1/2 drank. I wish this on no one. However, it did put my current anxiety in perspective of where it could be had I increased my drinking over the next 10 years instead of choosing to stop. I left the store with chocolate and ice cream and a sense of gratitude for sobriety

Mizz

Its not too much information.
Our bodies go through a lot and in various ways. You are doing very well! Chocolate and Ice cream for the win. Congrats on 10 days! You are doing this. I am so happy for you.

I do understand the fluctuations of mood, physical changes, and the overall discomfort going on with the cycle. Our entire outlook on life can change within a few days due to hormones. Its not fun. It can be horrendous. There are other things that may be taking place and I would get tested. You should not have to suffer so much. Yes, all the things you have gone through could be connected. It is 100% worth getting answers.

BTW...I too live in a hippie beach community. It can be rather wild at times. So much eccentricity in a very small area. ...... The people watching is top notch around here. Top Notch!

Dee74

I'm glad that the thought of buying alcohol didn't trouble you today AJ

D

AJ143143

Thank you for understanding it. From what I gathered is that I may have super low progestrone at times in my cycle and then it spikes back up. I am going to get more info done and some bloodwork. I may test out progestrone supliments ....just for a while. Hippie Beach towns are the best

AJ143143

Thank you for saying that Dee... I feel kinda like a jerk that it feels so easy for me to not drink... but it honestly doesn't phase me. I am more plagued by the anxiety and insomnia issues I have had my whole life... my anxiety started in my teens... my dad has General Anxiety, my Grandfather had it before he passed... Mine started after an episode with vertigo when I was 16. It didn't let up for a year and I was home schooled my junior year because I would spin when I would get out of bed. I was taken to the balance insitute and was told I had 50% of my equilibrium left.... In a way I was relieved because back then they originally thought that it was "all in my head and my anxiety was causing my dizziness" when it was really the other way around. I had 2 inner ear surgeries in my early 20s that helped a lot ... but it was like it was too late... I was used to being anxious and worried... I did therapy and work books... but it is like the second I feel physically off in anyway I get anxious. Almost like mini PTSD or something. Something else to look into I suppose ... I was also married to an alcoholic up until 2 years ago... Like a 15-20 drinks a day, everyday ( start at 7 am on the weekend drinker) Our marriage ended due to his drinking and I got into alanon and worked the steps. In hindsight I think his drinking masked my 2-4 glasses of wine a night ... he was soooo over the top that it was hard to see that I didn't like my relationship with alcohol either. Anyhow, just some things I am thinking. I for sure and starting to feel intense emotions... but wanting to drink is not one of them... wanting to cry, crawl out of my skin, and sleep are some tougher ones I have been feeling... but also some happy feelings I haven't felt in a long long time like moments of peace and clarity.... so it is a mixed bag right now... I don't think I ever really grieved my divorce. I own a fairly successful company and I was a workaholic and dove into work the day he left me for alcohol... Anyway I know I am going on and on.... Thank you for being such a support in this group

PhoenixJ

A deep share AJ.
Lots of interesting stuff on different threads.

AJ143143

Ya. It is amazing how when you stop drinking everything comes to surface...

PhoenixJ

Anxiety is with me always....my family of origin was full of alcoholics. Stress was never talked about and booze seemed to help....well it worked until it didn't . Then my life fell apart like a bad daytime movie. I walk- a lot with dog and music everyday now....distraction and physical exhaustion...because the anxiety is always there. Posting here helps.

Cityboy

AJ, it's very good to see you posting about your thoughts and feelings instead of just turning back to the alcohol. I also went through a craving for chocolate during that early stage of my system readjusting. My wife's baking stash took a hit. In sobriety, the best way to describe it would be to say that I can articulate things much better that I already kind of knew. Also, I can better picture the person I've wanted to be and can continue making adjustments towards that goal. It keeps getting better, I promise.

ToughChoices

Hi, AJ!

I appreciate your share. I'm also female and 40, and I, too, started out in Al-Anon due to my ex's drinking. Sometimes it still strikes me as ironic that I am here (SR) and in AA after all the time I spent praying for my spouse to find recovery!

I truly think that the extent of my loved one's troubles masked the evolution of my own. Looking back, I'm sure that I preferred it that way. It allowed me to come across as organized, dedicated, long-suffering, kind, and hardworking when, in reality, I was often miserable, self-doubting, resentful, afraid, etc..... My family of origin certainly placed a higher priority on the appearance of well-being than on actual well-being, so I went to great extremes to appear healthy. But confronting (and stopping) my substance use actually allowed me to begin to see these problematic patterns and DO something about changing them.

It is fascinating to me how un-treated emotional pain appears to be contagious. Now that I understand, I'm treating myself. I want to limit (eliminate) who I infect.

Good for you for doing the work necessary to heal! Keep coming back!

-TC

Anna

Yes, it sure is. But, what I found is that it wouldn't all come to the surface at once. I was able to manage by staying in the moment or the day and getting through things. More would be revealed later, but again, I could begin to work through it. You're doing great.

Bonnefond87

I had similar problems in my forties (hormone wise) and was finally helped by my own research and a well informed Gynaecologist. For me, it was the peaks and troughs in levels that were the issue. Perhaps you could ask your doctor about the Mirena coil - which gives a low steady dose of progesterone for a few years - it worked well for me in several ways. There are things that can help.

AJ143143

oh my god. Thank you for this suggestion. I have been researching so much. Im going to look into this. Im on day 4 of my “girl time” and I’m just starting to feel better … it’s like a fog is lifting. It’s like this every month. 🙏