Sober Living Home Experiences, Please Share
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2022
Location: California
Posts: 354
Sober Living Home Experiences, Please Share
I've been living in an all men's sober living home (SBL) since June 7th, 2022 and I'm in an IOP program during the day. I chose to live here after my 30 day in house patient treatment. I wasn't ready to come home and neither was my family. Although I had 30 days dry under my belt, I knew that going home then would send me to relapse land and being that this was my first attempt at getting sober from alcohol, I wanted and needed more security.
I have 78 days of sobriety today and I don't think that I could have honestly said that if I hadn't tried this. It's not perfect here, but it's safe and I'm held accountable everyday. Along with daily breathalyzing, I have to randomly do drug/alcohol tests and so does everyone else in this house. Rules are very strict and no second chances are given if someone fails a test. Sobriety is first and foremost. Two younger guys were here for a day or two, then transferred to other homes with lesser rules. They both relapsed within 14 days, one OD'd and went to the ER.
Personally I'm glad I'm here. I miss the hell out of my wife and daughters but I also know that there will be NO wife and daughters if I give into alcohol again. It's that simple. I have to stay sober and I'm doing the absolute best I can.
Please fee free to share or ask questions
Jason
I have 78 days of sobriety today and I don't think that I could have honestly said that if I hadn't tried this. It's not perfect here, but it's safe and I'm held accountable everyday. Along with daily breathalyzing, I have to randomly do drug/alcohol tests and so does everyone else in this house. Rules are very strict and no second chances are given if someone fails a test. Sobriety is first and foremost. Two younger guys were here for a day or two, then transferred to other homes with lesser rules. They both relapsed within 14 days, one OD'd and went to the ER.
Personally I'm glad I'm here. I miss the hell out of my wife and daughters but I also know that there will be NO wife and daughters if I give into alcohol again. It's that simple. I have to stay sober and I'm doing the absolute best I can.
Please fee free to share or ask questions
Jason
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,242
My story is somewhat similar to yours. With a family and
court order intervention, I was placed into the hands of
those capable of teaching me about my addiction and a
recovery program to use as a guideline to living a sober
life in a 28 day rehab stay with a 6 week aftercare outpatient
to complete that portion of my recovery.
They originally wanted to send me further away to a
halfway house after 2 weeks in rehab, but with much
pleading to stay where I was and do whatever it took,
then I was able to complete 28 days there.
After I returned home to my little family as a wife and
mom, I took that knowledge taught to me and used it
to help me continue on my recovery path finding balance
between home and meetings.
I surrounded myself with like minded folks like me
seeking continuous sobriety by listening, learning,
absorbing and applying healthier, honest ways of
living life without the dependency of alcohol which
kept me sick in my addiction for a number of years.
My journey began on August 11, 1990, my first full
day with no alcohol in my system. With a rehab experience,
laying the foundation for me to begin building my sober
life upon each day moving forward, lots of changes, I never
found it necessary to have my misery and addiction refunded
back to me for 31 yrs now.
As long as I hold onto to my recovery lifelines and continue
to incorporate the tools and knowledge of a recovery program
taught to me yrs ago, then I am sure to remain stay sober
another day filled with gratitude and many of life's rewards
and blessings.
Congrats of your new recovery journey Jason as you inch
toward being reunited with your little family and a new found
freedom like no other.
court order intervention, I was placed into the hands of
those capable of teaching me about my addiction and a
recovery program to use as a guideline to living a sober
life in a 28 day rehab stay with a 6 week aftercare outpatient
to complete that portion of my recovery.
They originally wanted to send me further away to a
halfway house after 2 weeks in rehab, but with much
pleading to stay where I was and do whatever it took,
then I was able to complete 28 days there.
After I returned home to my little family as a wife and
mom, I took that knowledge taught to me and used it
to help me continue on my recovery path finding balance
between home and meetings.
I surrounded myself with like minded folks like me
seeking continuous sobriety by listening, learning,
absorbing and applying healthier, honest ways of
living life without the dependency of alcohol which
kept me sick in my addiction for a number of years.
My journey began on August 11, 1990, my first full
day with no alcohol in my system. With a rehab experience,
laying the foundation for me to begin building my sober
life upon each day moving forward, lots of changes, I never
found it necessary to have my misery and addiction refunded
back to me for 31 yrs now.
As long as I hold onto to my recovery lifelines and continue
to incorporate the tools and knowledge of a recovery program
taught to me yrs ago, then I am sure to remain stay sober
another day filled with gratitude and many of life's rewards
and blessings.
Congrats of your new recovery journey Jason as you inch
toward being reunited with your little family and a new found
freedom like no other.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,388
Good going, Farrier. It's a wise man who builds his house upon a rock, and you're building a strong foundation for this new sober life you've got. There's a lot of power in acceptance, doing whatever it takes, cause it's worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2022
Location: California
Posts: 354
aasharon90 - thanks for sharing. I haven't read many stories of in-patient treatment or sober living experiences on here so I think it's important that we do post them.
I've always gave kudos to people that found sobriety on their own. Lord knows I tried. Then there are people like myself that simply could not stop drinking on their own and needed a break from life, family, friends to get sober.
It's okay to check into rehab.
It's okay to live in sober living for a while.
It's okay to need a little extra help to get sober and stay sober.
I've always gave kudos to people that found sobriety on their own. Lord knows I tried. Then there are people like myself that simply could not stop drinking on their own and needed a break from life, family, friends to get sober.
It's okay to check into rehab.
It's okay to live in sober living for a while.
It's okay to need a little extra help to get sober and stay sober.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Sober living was suggested to me at rehab - I just could not fathom how that would help me. What would keep me from getting in my car and driving back to my empty house for which I am paying? How was living with a bunch of young women (so many hormones!) be of use to me? After all, I am self-sufficient. An upstanding citizen who goes to work, maintains my home and pays my bills. No one was able to provide answers that helped me with my questions; they merely explained sober living, which is a concept I already grasped. 
When a counselor I didn't even know at rehab sprang the "discharge plan" on me and my daughters at the same time, my goose was cooked. I had to go, or I risked being cut off from the people I care for the most in this world.
I didn't like the sober home. I mean it was nice enough, but there were an awful lot of rules and some of them were very silly. The women were not nearly as catty as I imagined they might be, but there surely was a lot of drama, much of it involving the "house manager" - a young woman with one year of sobriety under her belt. I found it to be not just a little bit ironic that the closest bar was literally on the corner and the liquor store was a half block away. And also, my middle daughter got so angry with me for not bending to her will that she stopped communicating with me for three months. So much for not being cut off.
I'm glad I went. It was just over three months of drama and stress and trying to figure out how to not offend people by simply being myself. In the end, I learned that literally putting my body where my intentions were was a very powerful message to myself. I learned that I respected "the house" enough that drinking wasn't even an option for me. And I found out that it's useless to worry about giving offense when none is intended because if I'm doing the best I can, then that's the best I can do. If other people need to find fault with me, that's almost always about them and not about me. (And when it is about me, I need to work hard to figure out how to change that.)
I'm so glad you went too, Jason. You've made much more of an investment than you were thinking of when you first stumbled in here, and I think that shows tremendous strength and integrity. Salutations on your 79 days of sobriety. I trust you're up for one more. Every day.
O
When a counselor I didn't even know at rehab sprang the "discharge plan" on me and my daughters at the same time, my goose was cooked. I had to go, or I risked being cut off from the people I care for the most in this world.I didn't like the sober home. I mean it was nice enough, but there were an awful lot of rules and some of them were very silly. The women were not nearly as catty as I imagined they might be, but there surely was a lot of drama, much of it involving the "house manager" - a young woman with one year of sobriety under her belt. I found it to be not just a little bit ironic that the closest bar was literally on the corner and the liquor store was a half block away. And also, my middle daughter got so angry with me for not bending to her will that she stopped communicating with me for three months. So much for not being cut off.
I'm glad I went. It was just over three months of drama and stress and trying to figure out how to not offend people by simply being myself. In the end, I learned that literally putting my body where my intentions were was a very powerful message to myself. I learned that I respected "the house" enough that drinking wasn't even an option for me. And I found out that it's useless to worry about giving offense when none is intended because if I'm doing the best I can, then that's the best I can do. If other people need to find fault with me, that's almost always about them and not about me. (And when it is about me, I need to work hard to figure out how to change that.)
I'm so glad you went too, Jason. You've made much more of an investment than you were thinking of when you first stumbled in here, and I think that shows tremendous strength and integrity. Salutations on your 79 days of sobriety. I trust you're up for one more. Every day.
O
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 746
My gut feeling, from the given information... Meetings, meetings and more meetings.
I would think if you are not working then hit multiple meetings per day. Once you are then try and hit a meeting everyday. Get a sponsor that knows where you are at everyday.
It seems to me like it could be that bridge to transition back to the real World.
AA isn't for everybody, especially daily but given the situation I can't think of a better idea.
I would think if you are not working then hit multiple meetings per day. Once you are then try and hit a meeting everyday. Get a sponsor that knows where you are at everyday.
It seems to me like it could be that bridge to transition back to the real World.
AA isn't for everybody, especially daily but given the situation I can't think of a better idea.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,242
I learned over the years that one recovery program
isn't for everyone. That what works for one may not
work for another. At the time I got sober and entered
recovery, the program of AA was introduced to me.
It didnt occur to me until yrs later that there are lots
of other options to help folks achieve sobriety and lots
of support to help folks kick their addiction if they are
unable to achieve this on their own.
I am not sure I could have gotten and stayed sober
on my own because I had tried countless times and
failed.
Once I was armed with the knowledge of addiction
and what all it does to ones heart, mind and soul,
the damage it takes on our bodies, the affects of a
toxic controlling substance, then taught ways to live
life without it, a guideline to living life without this crutch,
then i began to understand and move further away
from my addiction.
For me and countless others who share their experiences
of it, can say that rehab works because we choose to work
the program taught and presented to us.
After yrs of balancing family and support meetings, I
realized that their are many folks sitting at home on their
computers seeking help and support instead of sitting
in meetings for various reasons.
They could be unable to reach a meeting because
of disability, fear, procrastination etc. unable to get
a sitter for kids, no transportation, etc.
That is when I decided to come to the computer and
help folks sharing my own experiences, strengths and
hopes of what my life was like before, during and
after alcohol addiction.
By doing so, I stay connected to my recovery lifelines,
work my recovery program and thus remain sober
another day.
There are many ways to get and stay sober. It is in
not seeking this help that many stay stuck in their
addiction. If one can't do this on their, then there
is abundant sources to ask for help.
Asking for help for many can be very hard to do. I
know, because, I am one of them. My stubbornness
can keep me stranded and paralyzed slowly killing
myself.
That is why when I found this place, SR, and began
reading and connecting to others, then I learned that
there isnt one main way to get sober and stay sober.
That each person has their own experiences and success
to share with others that works.
Giving hope to those still struggling with addiction.
To incorporate and add to the program of AA taught
to me from the very beginning has been extremely
useful in helping me achieve a healthier, happier,
honest sober way of life. Continuing to learn how to
become the best person I can possibly be in this
lifetime.
Whatever works, keep working it and then pass it
on to the newer generation coming up behind us
sharing your knowledge of hope that if you can get
and stay sober by working some sort of recovery
help available to you, then they can too.
isn't for everyone. That what works for one may not
work for another. At the time I got sober and entered
recovery, the program of AA was introduced to me.
It didnt occur to me until yrs later that there are lots
of other options to help folks achieve sobriety and lots
of support to help folks kick their addiction if they are
unable to achieve this on their own.
I am not sure I could have gotten and stayed sober
on my own because I had tried countless times and
failed.
Once I was armed with the knowledge of addiction
and what all it does to ones heart, mind and soul,
the damage it takes on our bodies, the affects of a
toxic controlling substance, then taught ways to live
life without it, a guideline to living life without this crutch,
then i began to understand and move further away
from my addiction.
For me and countless others who share their experiences
of it, can say that rehab works because we choose to work
the program taught and presented to us.
After yrs of balancing family and support meetings, I
realized that their are many folks sitting at home on their
computers seeking help and support instead of sitting
in meetings for various reasons.
They could be unable to reach a meeting because
of disability, fear, procrastination etc. unable to get
a sitter for kids, no transportation, etc.
That is when I decided to come to the computer and
help folks sharing my own experiences, strengths and
hopes of what my life was like before, during and
after alcohol addiction.
By doing so, I stay connected to my recovery lifelines,
work my recovery program and thus remain sober
another day.
There are many ways to get and stay sober. It is in
not seeking this help that many stay stuck in their
addiction. If one can't do this on their, then there
is abundant sources to ask for help.
Asking for help for many can be very hard to do. I
know, because, I am one of them. My stubbornness
can keep me stranded and paralyzed slowly killing
myself.
That is why when I found this place, SR, and began
reading and connecting to others, then I learned that
there isnt one main way to get sober and stay sober.
That each person has their own experiences and success
to share with others that works.
Giving hope to those still struggling with addiction.
To incorporate and add to the program of AA taught
to me from the very beginning has been extremely
useful in helping me achieve a healthier, happier,
honest sober way of life. Continuing to learn how to
become the best person I can possibly be in this
lifetime.
Whatever works, keep working it and then pass it
on to the newer generation coming up behind us
sharing your knowledge of hope that if you can get
and stay sober by working some sort of recovery
help available to you, then they can too.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I have been clean a good while now and I still crave off and on.
I was at a party last week with a bunch of folks getting drunk.
I was enjoying refreshing water, feeling clear headed, and knowing I would wake up strong.
The drunk folks were talking loud, and acting like they had it all figured out. It was sad and funny to me.
Successful old men, some in there mid 70's, still heavily addicted to booze. That is a nightmare to me.
I thank God every day for my sobriety and health (mental and physical).
Addiction is fierce. Once we cross that line, whatever line that is, we are addicts for life.
Addiction damages the brain forever and I will crave forever. I find euphoria in so many things now.
Not arguing with me wife makes me happy. Staying in my lane at work. Exercising and feeling strong. So many things every day.
Booze is a learned behavior and can be unlearned. It requires education on what is happening. I never want any poison in my body.
I love being the most sober person in the room. I don't brag about it. Booze is not my thing anymore.
I hate the stuff.
Get well sir! Never look back. Getting clean hurts for a long long time. But it is worth it.
Thanks for the therapy.
I was at a party last week with a bunch of folks getting drunk.
I was enjoying refreshing water, feeling clear headed, and knowing I would wake up strong.
The drunk folks were talking loud, and acting like they had it all figured out. It was sad and funny to me.
Successful old men, some in there mid 70's, still heavily addicted to booze. That is a nightmare to me.
I thank God every day for my sobriety and health (mental and physical).
Addiction is fierce. Once we cross that line, whatever line that is, we are addicts for life.
Addiction damages the brain forever and I will crave forever. I find euphoria in so many things now.
Not arguing with me wife makes me happy. Staying in my lane at work. Exercising and feeling strong. So many things every day.
Booze is a learned behavior and can be unlearned. It requires education on what is happening. I never want any poison in my body.
I love being the most sober person in the room. I don't brag about it. Booze is not my thing anymore.
I hate the stuff.
Get well sir! Never look back. Getting clean hurts for a long long time. But it is worth it.
Thanks for the therapy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 96
Keep up the good fight Farrier. I was right where you were about 7 months ago now. I only did detox for 5 days, but those 5 days were really eye opening for me. Being away from my family was difficult and necessary, although nowhere close to how long you have been away. I am super proud of you for making that tough choice that will not only benefit you but your family in the long run. It is crazy how something that started out so innocently for most of us, became something we can no longer have in our lives. It is completely worth it though!!! Keep on pushing and know that we all have your back!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2022
Location: California
Posts: 354
Update
Welp, it's November 7th, 2022 and I am still living in a home for sober men. Today I am 182 days sober and will gratefully receive my 6 month sobriety chip this Friday evening.
My 8 week IOP turned into about 12 weeks. I was fearful of leaving my original sober home (because I was comfortable) so the IOP that I attended sponsored me for a few additional weeks. My insurance would only cover the initial 8 weeks.
Fortunately, those additional weeks introduced me to a person that managed a different sober house. A house for men of mature age and were not fresh out of a rehab facility. I'm 46 years old and there is only one other person here younger than me. The rest are about my age or slightly older. I am more than grateful that I can have a mature conversation with every single man in this house. All of us are employed, all of us are working the program, and take sobriety seriously.
Lately I've been thinking about a lot about moving out on my own, or perhaps finding a single room to rent from a home owner. I'd love to have my own room and bathroom these days, although the flow of this sober home does run pretty well. In all honesty, my daily life and living conditions are more than adequate. It's just my WANT to move out that drives that desire.
My marriage isn't over yet, but we're not to the point where I'd be welcomed home yet either. Truth is, I'm not sure that I'm ready to move home. At least to a home where alcohol would still be present. I feel sorta selfish that I would have to have boundaries in place to accommodate ME but I've worked to hard, cried to many tears, tossed and turned for too many sleepless nights for me to give up all this craziness and heartache that I not only put myself through, but my own wife and children. One drink and all this goes into the crapper. I can't do that to myself. I can't allow that to happen.
Hopefully this will reach out to someone in a sober home or might be considering living in a sober home. It's not great but it's not living under a bridge, or living in a car, or shacking up in an environment that does not support your recovery.
Have a great day all
My 8 week IOP turned into about 12 weeks. I was fearful of leaving my original sober home (because I was comfortable) so the IOP that I attended sponsored me for a few additional weeks. My insurance would only cover the initial 8 weeks.
Fortunately, those additional weeks introduced me to a person that managed a different sober house. A house for men of mature age and were not fresh out of a rehab facility. I'm 46 years old and there is only one other person here younger than me. The rest are about my age or slightly older. I am more than grateful that I can have a mature conversation with every single man in this house. All of us are employed, all of us are working the program, and take sobriety seriously.
Lately I've been thinking about a lot about moving out on my own, or perhaps finding a single room to rent from a home owner. I'd love to have my own room and bathroom these days, although the flow of this sober home does run pretty well. In all honesty, my daily life and living conditions are more than adequate. It's just my WANT to move out that drives that desire.
My marriage isn't over yet, but we're not to the point where I'd be welcomed home yet either. Truth is, I'm not sure that I'm ready to move home. At least to a home where alcohol would still be present. I feel sorta selfish that I would have to have boundaries in place to accommodate ME but I've worked to hard, cried to many tears, tossed and turned for too many sleepless nights for me to give up all this craziness and heartache that I not only put myself through, but my own wife and children. One drink and all this goes into the crapper. I can't do that to myself. I can't allow that to happen.
Hopefully this will reach out to someone in a sober home or might be considering living in a sober home. It's not great but it's not living under a bridge, or living in a car, or shacking up in an environment that does not support your recovery.
Have a great day all
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,242
I often hear that if it aint broke then don't fix it.
Meaning, from what I read, you are in a good spot
there at your recovery house where things are running
pretty smoothly with 6 months sobriety.
That 6 months sober is good achievement for any
alcoholic trying to remain sober a day at a time. But,
6 months is just a few drops in a bucket from what
was explained to me in my own early recovery.
Meaning, i was still in my infancy and was still on
the road of growing and maturing. Just as a child
does at 6 months, so was I so to speak.
I had to learn to crawl after I got sober before walking
the walk of recovery learning with each step I took,
learning to build a strong, solid foundation to live
upon moving forward in life.
Continue to learn and grow and understand your
wants and needs in life. We want we we want, but
is it really what we need in order to achieve sucess
in recovery life.
I would also hear often about making any kind
of big moves in early recovery because we are
constantly growing, changing and maturing with
in ourselves.
Continue to listen to others that have been there,
done that same similar situation as you and what
they did to over come that hurdle and continue to
hold tightly to their recovery support to achieve
life's success.
Meaning, from what I read, you are in a good spot
there at your recovery house where things are running
pretty smoothly with 6 months sobriety.
That 6 months sober is good achievement for any
alcoholic trying to remain sober a day at a time. But,
6 months is just a few drops in a bucket from what
was explained to me in my own early recovery.
Meaning, i was still in my infancy and was still on
the road of growing and maturing. Just as a child
does at 6 months, so was I so to speak.
I had to learn to crawl after I got sober before walking
the walk of recovery learning with each step I took,
learning to build a strong, solid foundation to live
upon moving forward in life.
Continue to learn and grow and understand your
wants and needs in life. We want we we want, but
is it really what we need in order to achieve sucess
in recovery life.
I would also hear often about making any kind
of big moves in early recovery because we are
constantly growing, changing and maturing with
in ourselves.
Continue to listen to others that have been there,
done that same similar situation as you and what
they did to over come that hurdle and continue to
hold tightly to their recovery support to achieve
life's success.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
It is alright and normal to feel fragile at times, that is what humans do at times. It is how react and act that determines whether we progress or digress. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is taking healthy and sane actions in the face of fear. This Friday, you will receive your sixth month chip. Six months of courage in the face of fears. How awesome is that!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Farrier, a family member who was once homeless finally went to her 15th treatment 2 1/2 years ago.
We just moved her out of transition housing, which was basically just a small 5 x 8 foot room. Many persons shared a bathroom down the hall. Many persons used, even though they weren’t supposed to. It was a dangerous neighborhood.
By the grace of god, since no one would rent to this person, we were able to get her a place of her own with my help. They are ok now, and relearning how to be in society. she is alone, and now has a support animal.
If they go back to their addiction, they will be dead.
They protect themselves from others who drink, because they would lose everything.
Perhaps the best gift you can give your wife and kids is a husband and father who lives outside the nuclear home, and they come and visit you in your new space.
Big hugs, and wonderful update.
The new space will come, and you may feel fragile, because you are.
Much support.🎊🎉🪅🪄🎁
We just moved her out of transition housing, which was basically just a small 5 x 8 foot room. Many persons shared a bathroom down the hall. Many persons used, even though they weren’t supposed to. It was a dangerous neighborhood.
By the grace of god, since no one would rent to this person, we were able to get her a place of her own with my help. They are ok now, and relearning how to be in society. she is alone, and now has a support animal.
If they go back to their addiction, they will be dead.
They protect themselves from others who drink, because they would lose everything.
Perhaps the best gift you can give your wife and kids is a husband and father who lives outside the nuclear home, and they come and visit you in your new space.
Big hugs, and wonderful update.
The new space will come, and you may feel fragile, because you are.
Much support.🎊🎉🪅🪄🎁
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