Married and sober :)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Married and sober :)
Hello all
There was a thread a little while ago about staying sober throughout your own wedding celebrations, stag/hen parties, etc, and now that I have officially done it (!!!) and am home from honeymoon I thought I'd share to give a bit of confidence to anyone worrying about it. It is do-able, it was great and I am completely sure that it would not have been enhanced by drinking.
I am really quite settled in sobriety now and it never occurs to me to drink these days, but something about weddings and the surrounding occasions has a bizarre pressure to drink. Everything in life gets a bit thrown up in the air, nothing is quite like the normal routine, so it would have been very easy to give in to that and think, well, I'll just drink for the wedding then get back to normal. I think we all know the 'I'll do this now then get back on the wagon tomorrow' feeling and know that it does not tend to be quite so straightforward.
I am relieved and proud that I decided not to compromise my sobriety for a day which was wonderful, but fleeting.
Some practical things which helped make this easier:
Are there any nearly-weds among us? What are you planning to support an amazing celebration?
There was a thread a little while ago about staying sober throughout your own wedding celebrations, stag/hen parties, etc, and now that I have officially done it (!!!) and am home from honeymoon I thought I'd share to give a bit of confidence to anyone worrying about it. It is do-able, it was great and I am completely sure that it would not have been enhanced by drinking.
I am really quite settled in sobriety now and it never occurs to me to drink these days, but something about weddings and the surrounding occasions has a bizarre pressure to drink. Everything in life gets a bit thrown up in the air, nothing is quite like the normal routine, so it would have been very easy to give in to that and think, well, I'll just drink for the wedding then get back to normal. I think we all know the 'I'll do this now then get back on the wagon tomorrow' feeling and know that it does not tend to be quite so straightforward.
I am relieved and proud that I decided not to compromise my sobriety for a day which was wonderful, but fleeting.
Some practical things which helped make this easier:
- We chose a wedding venue which is not a hotel which I think helped. I find that weddings in hotels can be a bit messy as people only have to stagger up to their room rather than make their way home or elsewhere to stay, but nobody was worse for wear at ours.
- When we decided we were tired and ready to go, we got whisked away to a gorgeous hotel (which we told no one about) and left when there was still a bit of a buzz at the wedding.
- As usual, having a drink in your hand of any description negates questions. On the wedding day, we served cloudy lemonade at the drinks reception as an option (there is a cute story behind this special to us), which was delicious and our caterers offered me no-secco for the toasts! By the end of the night, people were asking could they get me a drink and I just told the truth - I would love a cup of hot tea and some wedding cake! Lol, party animal. But nobody minded and the people who might have had something to say were busy with their own drinking and partying at that stage.
- For my hen party, we did a day-time crafty thing to include our mums and family, then friends came round for a barbecue and karaoke (together with the stag party, which was nice!). Several people had a few drinks, my groom included, some didn't - it was simply no big deal that I wasn't drinking. We had a great time and felt surrounded by laughter and happiness, and everyone had fun even though it wasn't a "typical" hen/stag set-up which wasn't our vibe.
- My main advice which encompasses all of this is that you are allowed to do what YOU want to do for your wedding, not what you think you have to do. 'Have to' doesn't live here.
Are there any nearly-weds among us? What are you planning to support an amazing celebration?
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,409
I have been to lots of weddings and have been married myself all during my sobriety. I am just reminded every time how grateful to be sober I am. Nobody cares about what anybody else is doing regarding alcohol tbh in my experience and there’s always others who aren’t drinking and the majority who don’t get paralytic drunk like I would have done.
congratulations on your marriage! 🙏
congratulations on your marriage! 🙏
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Originally Posted by brighterday1234 
I have been to lots of weddings and have been married myself all during my sobriety. I am just reminded every time how grateful to be sober I am. Nobody cares about what anybody else is doing regarding alcohol tbh in my experience and there’s always others who aren’t drinking and the majority who don’t get paralytic drunk like I would have done.
congratulations on your marriage! 🙏
congratulations on your marriage! 🙏
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
This topic just came up in social media and hit the news. Apparently, a guest complained to the bride and groom about their decision not to serve alcohol at their wedding reception. Fortunately, most folks strongly defended their decision.
Reddit poster gets heat for throwing a dry wedding, tells angry friend he ‘has alcohol problem' | Fox News
Reddit poster gets heat for throwing a dry wedding, tells angry friend he ‘has alcohol problem' | Fox News
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Before I quit, one of my excuses for avoiding total abstinence was, "What about weddings?" I think I actually had a mind set that some events required drinking. When I finally did quit, one of my strategies to maintain sobriety was "Avoid all weddings!" That was easy enough because I only went to weddings once every 10 years, and when I finally did, I was surprised to realize that not everyone at a wedding drinks. I could go to a wedding today, and be just fine without alcohol.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
huge congrats on your sober wedding, @sobersophie
I did the same thing in July 2016. At that point I had been sober just a few months, since Feb 3, 2016. We had the wedding at my house in the backyard, with a stand up bar. I had no problem staying sober. We tempted fate even more by honeymooning in Cabo San Lucas, the booziest destination on earth. I had no problem staying sober there either, but I have to admit I was a little nervous about going there.
I did the same thing in July 2016. At that point I had been sober just a few months, since Feb 3, 2016. We had the wedding at my house in the backyard, with a stand up bar. I had no problem staying sober. We tempted fate even more by honeymooning in Cabo San Lucas, the booziest destination on earth. I had no problem staying sober there either, but I have to admit I was a little nervous about going there.
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Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by sobersophie
Hello all
There was a thread a little while ago about staying sober throughout your own wedding celebrations, stag/hen parties, etc, and now that I have officially done it (!!!) and am home from honeymoon I thought I'd share to give a bit of confidence to anyone worrying about it. It is do-able, it was great and I am completely sure that it would not have been enhanced by drinking.
I am really quite settled in sobriety now and it never occurs to me to drink these days, but something about weddings and the surrounding occasions has a bizarre pressure to drink. Everything in life gets a bit thrown up in the air, nothing is quite like the normal routine, so it would have been very easy to give in to that and think, well, I'll just drink for the wedding then get back to normal. I think we all know the 'I'll do this now then get back on the wagon tomorrow' feeling and know that it does not tend to be quite so straightforward.
I am relieved and proud that I decided not to compromise my sobriety for a day which was wonderful, but fleeting.
Some practical things which helped make this easier:
Are there any nearly-weds among us? What are you planning to support an amazing celebration?
There was a thread a little while ago about staying sober throughout your own wedding celebrations, stag/hen parties, etc, and now that I have officially done it (!!!) and am home from honeymoon I thought I'd share to give a bit of confidence to anyone worrying about it. It is do-able, it was great and I am completely sure that it would not have been enhanced by drinking.
I am really quite settled in sobriety now and it never occurs to me to drink these days, but something about weddings and the surrounding occasions has a bizarre pressure to drink. Everything in life gets a bit thrown up in the air, nothing is quite like the normal routine, so it would have been very easy to give in to that and think, well, I'll just drink for the wedding then get back to normal. I think we all know the 'I'll do this now then get back on the wagon tomorrow' feeling and know that it does not tend to be quite so straightforward.
I am relieved and proud that I decided not to compromise my sobriety for a day which was wonderful, but fleeting.
Some practical things which helped make this easier:
- We chose a wedding venue which is not a hotel which I think helped. I find that weddings in hotels can be a bit messy as people only have to stagger up to their room rather than make their way home or elsewhere to stay, but nobody was worse for wear at ours.
- When we decided we were tired and ready to go, we got whisked away to a gorgeous hotel (which we told no one about) and left when there was still a bit of a buzz at the wedding.
- As usual, having a drink in your hand of any description negates questions. On the wedding day, we served cloudy lemonade at the drinks reception as an option (there is a cute story behind this special to us), which was delicious and our caterers offered me no-secco for the toasts! By the end of the night, people were asking could they get me a drink and I just told the truth - I would love a cup of hot tea and some wedding cake! Lol, party animal. But nobody minded and the people who might have had something to say were busy with their own drinking and partying at that stage.
- For my hen party, we did a day-time crafty thing to include our mums and family, then friends came round for a barbecue and karaoke (together with the stag party, which was nice!). Several people had a few drinks, my groom included, some didn't - it was simply no big deal that I wasn't drinking. We had a great time and felt surrounded by laughter and happiness, and everyone had fun even though it wasn't a "typical" hen/stag set-up which wasn't our vibe.
- My main advice which encompasses all of this is that you are allowed to do what YOU want to do for your wedding, not what you think you have to do. 'Have to' doesn't live here.
Are there any nearly-weds among us? What are you planning to support an amazing celebration?
I too have lived through just about every experience where I used to consume alcohol and can happily say that I was not even close to being tempted as I knew drinking would just ruin or make things worse. It made me feel really good!
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Join Date: Oct 2022
Posts: 23
Sobersophie
Hi SoberSophie, I really appreciate the message you sent on my thread. I just anted you individually message you, but I can’t bc I don’t have 15 post. Can you message me? I just wanted to ask you a few questions. You seem super wise and supportive, and I really need support moving forward. Thank you!
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Join Date: Oct 2022
Posts: 23
Thank you!
Hi SoberSophie, I really appreciate the message you sent on my thread. I just anted you individually message you, but I can’t bc I don’t have 15 post. Can you message me? I just wanted to ask you a few questions. You seem super wise and supportive, and I really need support moving forward. Thank you!
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