Pekelover2

I’m so scared. Why do I cuss all of this drama?
If you knew that there was even a one in 1 million chance that you could do something this silly when you drank would you do it? The definition of insanity they say is doing the same thing over and over but expecting to get different results.

Zura

I think that it's AA that the saying it's a baffling disease comes from, I could be wrong but either way it's true. What's done can't be undone and all you can do is continue forward. Deep breathing, self care and self compassion while you detox. Finding whatever tools/programs that resonate, just keeping trying different things and keep going. I've found taking drinking off the table no matter what helps greatly. I've slipped after swearing it off but I've continued to get bigger and bigger stretches and believe we all have it in us to do it once and for all. Coming here everyday has helped me tremendously also, joining classes threads. I spend a lot if time on here now I think about it lol. But I'm worth it and everyone is really supportive and kind here. Lots of valuable input. You just need to find what works for you, I think you want it bad enough to find your way. You can do this Peke ❤️

Dee74

There's very little logic to addiction - thats partly why its so hard to think our way out.

I understand you are mortified by what you've done last night and other nights but your addiction wants you to stay there, frightened, feeling weak and scared because,if you despise who you are, it makes it that much easier to drink...

Some one up thread said action was key and that was certainly true for me.

For a very long time I felt I needed to fix myself before I could stop drinking.
As it turned out, if I wanted to improve my life, my relationships, and myself I had to stop drinking first.

Its time to move on from the past, PL

D

KTB5000

Peke,

Pls don't beat yourself up. You are a good person. Don't let this drag you down the rabbit-hole. This is a progressive condition that Takes-All. Swallowing up all that we love and care about it and gives us back a big Zero. Think of all the worse things that could have happened, but didn't...

It's a learning process, don't give up! Efficient and wise to be posting on SR.

Heart is going out to you ❤️

nez

Lots of people drink to make the world go away for a while. The problem is that alcohol also makes the person who drinks go away as well, many times to be replaced by a person we can't even recognize, who does things totally out of character. I drank to change reality and the reality of a drunken nez was far worse than the original reality I wanted to escape from, so to escape from that new worse reality, I drank more.

Didn't work the first time...what made me think it would work this time. Makes no sense, but that is alcoholism. A senseless cycle that repeated over and over again until I realized that it was not going to be different or get better, only worse.

Nothing new appears unless something old ceases. I ceased drinking to change reality. In hindsight, that decision made perfect sense.

RAL

Hi Peke
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have no words of wisdom about sobriety but can relate so much to sending texts as you did. I've done that many many times. Forgiving yourself is the first step and putting that energy positively into recovery rather than negatively beating yourself up. It will get better, as will you. We are all here for you.

least

You must forgive yourself. We all do and say things we regret later. The important thing is what we learn from that.

Farrier

Honesty with yourself and the people in your life that you love will provide you with a plan to recovery. Once I quit lying to myself and my family, I was finally able to feel somewhat sure footed. I have 74 days straight of sobriety today for the first time in about 20 years.