Steely

Yes, sometimes the counting gets in the way. Other times real pride In knowing we've made it 20 days. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Resting is good.

Depression can happen during early recovery, but no harm in seeing talk therapist, exercise, diet, meditation, all the good things. All of the things I threaten to do, but don't. And I know they work. Processing a lot myself at the moment, might be forced to get back into it.

Cityboy

Twenty days is awesome!

Hawkeye13

Glad to see your update— you are really working hard and I hope the depression lifts as you heal. I was extremely flat and depressed in early sobriety but it gradually improved as my brain adapted to no alcohol input.

Magnolia123

Thank you everyone 💓

Right now I think of alcohol as poison/gasoline/jet fuel and I'm going to keep that thought process going.

The thought of drinking Right now literally makes me nauseous.

The benzos I'm trying to taper off of.

I wont read other sites because with everyone's symptoms and taper schedules it just gets too scary and complicated.

I'm just winging it.

It seems like if I read about a symptom I have it the next day.

Thing is, I DO in fact have GAD and panic attacks. I do have a reason to take this medication.

I do wish the doctor had told me about the withdrawals though so I could have at least made an informed decision 😕

Cityboy

Thanks for the update Magnolia. Sounds like you are making a lot of forward progress.

Magnolia123

Hi everyone,

I really could use some support right now.

I'm feeling very depressed and hopeless.

I feel like swallowing all my benzos again in another futile attempt at getting some much needed peace.

Thanks in advance everyone. I just don't know where to turn.

Still alcohol free with no desire to drink. Just a desire to check out of my painful existence.

Anna

Magnolia, I'm so glad you posted. You know that taking the benzos is a bad and dangerous plan. It's normal to feel quite emotional in early recovery and I hope you can have faith that it will pass. Take a moment to be proud of yourself for what you've accomplished and what you plan to accomplish with your recovery.

We're here for you.

Magnolia123

Thanks so much Anna

Anna

Magnolia, just do whatever it takes to get through minutes at a time, if necessary. We can do hard things.

Hawkeye13

Sending you support and encouragement. You are stronger than you know, and have done so well to stop drinking even with depression and benzo withdrawal.

The saying I used to call to mind when feeling my worst was “the only way out is through” and I would imagine myself walking fast through the dark forest valley and that soon the path would tilt up and lead to a sunny meadow as I climbed the mountain to see what my life would / could be once I got to the other side of my addiction.

Keep walking and know we walk with you Magnolia. . .

Hevyn

Hi Magnolia.
Hold on tight to the knowledge that things won't always feel this way - you will get past this painful time & begin to heal. A new day will dawn.
We're on your side. We know you can do this.

Steely

Take the benzos as prescribed Magnolia. If you want to take them to check out for a while you need to talk with a doctor, or therapist. This is going to go nowhere otherwise.

Talk with someone about how you are feeling to learn and practice ways to deal with these feelings. Benzos aren't going to do it if all you seek is escape from your self.

Its what all of us here have had to do Magnolia. "Life on life's terms." After a while you may even begin to like it, even when things suck. That's been my experience at anyrate.

Magnolia123

Thank you very much everyone.

Day 24. I feel depressed and generally like crap.

Steely you're right, I do need a therapist. Been having problems finding one that takes my insurance.

Just feeling really beaten up and down.

The good news is that even the thought of drinking makes me nauseous.

I really messed up my life.

Steely

Yes, the insurance.

Insurance doesn't seem to care very much about people who feel beaten up and down. What a business plan!

A lot of us here have messed up our lives Magnolia, and recovery, in the beginning, is hard. Just like now. But it will get better.

Just stay on track, and the way you are feeling now will pass. It stands to reason, even if it's hard. And in the meantime hope insurance comes good.

Everything you are feeling now is pretty much par for the course, but it doesn't remain so. Just take it easy.

I'm glad the thought of alcohol nauseates you. It's nauseating.

24 days is legend Magnolia.

Magnolia123

Thanks Steely 😊

fishkiller

I'm just here to add support.
You Can do it.
Stay strong and fight the urge to go back.
We all messed up but there is nothing we cannot get through and mend.

Keep fighting
Peace will come but only of we stay clean