Tomorrow
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,811
Tomorrow
It's day 7 off alcohol. Week has been a bit blah. I just can't find the motivation/discipline to make the necessary changes. But I suppose I have to. I should either kill myself or make a go of life. I'm in limbo now. I've really been in limbo since my last job not including my brief stint in McDonald's which ended with me going on a bender and not telling them I quit.
My mental state is bad. I hope that's the case at least. I know the hallucinations aren't real, but I don't know if I'm delusional/paranoid or being gamgstalked. I'm leaning towards the latter. Which is incredibly lonely because naturally everyone dismisses it as psychosis. I'm horribly depressed but I feed into that. Not exercising enough, not enough sunlight, not enough socialising, bad sleep hygiene etc etc I take my pills, that's about it. When I'm sober I'm either starving myself or binge and sometimes purging. I'm a healthy weight right now (though on the high end). I should lose weight the healthy way, why invite the misery of an ED into my life? Anxiety's a whole other mess. I don't leave the house after the early morning unless I'm already drunk.
If I'm not going to build a sober life I'm happy with, the bottle will always hold an allure.
It's almost my bedtime, so just going to brush my teeth, moisturise, take my pills and drift off to The Upward Spiral audiobook.
Tomorrow can be the first day of my new life. I'll try and make something of the day, whatever that looks like. Housework, exercise, maybe make a few appointments I'd been putting off.
I woke up this morning and it was just a countdown til I could buy alcohol. The time came and I didn't. But I really need to busy myself.
My mental state is bad. I hope that's the case at least. I know the hallucinations aren't real, but I don't know if I'm delusional/paranoid or being gamgstalked. I'm leaning towards the latter. Which is incredibly lonely because naturally everyone dismisses it as psychosis. I'm horribly depressed but I feed into that. Not exercising enough, not enough sunlight, not enough socialising, bad sleep hygiene etc etc I take my pills, that's about it. When I'm sober I'm either starving myself or binge and sometimes purging. I'm a healthy weight right now (though on the high end). I should lose weight the healthy way, why invite the misery of an ED into my life? Anxiety's a whole other mess. I don't leave the house after the early morning unless I'm already drunk.
If I'm not going to build a sober life I'm happy with, the bottle will always hold an allure.
It's almost my bedtime, so just going to brush my teeth, moisturise, take my pills and drift off to The Upward Spiral audiobook.
Tomorrow can be the first day of my new life. I'll try and make something of the day, whatever that looks like. Housework, exercise, maybe make a few appointments I'd been putting off.
I woke up this morning and it was just a countdown til I could buy alcohol. The time came and I didn't. But I really need to busy myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,612
I'm sorry to see you struggle so, Freedom.
Going through same with my daughter. 😭
Going with her tday for further assessment. Complex cases.
Schizophrenia sucks when not managed well. I hope they have something to offer.
Congrats on Day 7.
Going through same with my daughter. 😭
Going with her tday for further assessment. Complex cases.
Schizophrenia sucks when not managed well. I hope they have something to offer.
Congrats on Day 7.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,436
Well done on a week sober freedom— sorry you are suffering so much.
I wish you would reconsider some long term inpatient treatment as it seems like an endless cycle of relapse for you at home.
I really do hope things get better.
I wish you would reconsider some long term inpatient treatment as it seems like an endless cycle of relapse for you at home.
I really do hope things get better.
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