Contella09

Hi everyone, I am back again after another few failed attempts of trying to stay sober. I don't feel completely defeated but I am so upset with myself. This is a progressive disease so I know I probably shouldn't be too hard on myself. I have this curse that's destroying me and it could happen to anyone but I should try harder. I cannot excuse the fact that I am just not trying hard enough.
today I am focusing on just getting some rest so tomorrow I can catch up on all my work and start thinking positive again. Once all that is done I need to write out a very serious plan. I am having issues with my mental health and have had a second anti depressant added to the one I have already been taking. I am hoping it is going to help. I have also been referred to minds matter for a bipolar assessment. So I have been really trying to tackle some of my issues head on but things take time. I just wish I could be a different person and not behave the way I do. I am so ashamed but I knew better and still went on more binges. It's hard not to lose faith in myself. It is really scaring me that I keep doing this. I know you have all advised me before but what can I truly do differently. How do I deal with painful and stressful situations without drinking? Those are the things that are really affecting me and causing me to drink again and to excess

KAD65

If there was a limit to the number of failed attempts one was allowed, I wouldn't have had a chance! I lost count of the number of times I was completely sincere about quitting for good, only to fall under the spell of that same old, worn out delusion - that I could drink and keep it under control "this time." I can say, for myself, the only thing that eventually worked with any measurable success was when I stopped thinking I had the strength to "fight" my addiction. When it finally became clear that I was going to lose that fight every time - and that process nearly cost me my life - I decided to finally reach out for help. I found that help through AA. I came to accept that willpower, no matter how much of it I could muster, just wasn't going to work, consistently. I couldn't reason my way out of addiction because addiction isn't rational.

It is good that you are recognizing the problems and seeking solutions. It doesn't sound like you're anywhere near giving up, but you're just exhausted and frustrated with the whole ordeal. I'd wager that everyone on this forum has gone through the same thing. I do believe you can find some guidance here, and I wish you the very best!

Surrendered19

Hi Contella. I'm sorry you are struggling. There is no typical or normal number of times people try and fail to stop drinking. Every morning for thousands and thousands of days I would swear off alcohol for good and be drinking that afternoon. I quit for good nearly two and a half years ago but I quit so many thousands of times before the final quit.

There is definitely hope for you and you can get on top of this. You have to take drinking completely off the table as a solution to any problem or as a response to any feelings. Period. That really is the only way.

I think if you give yourself some time, and trust yourself, you will see that you can have situations or bad feelings come your way, and they hit you, then they move on through. That was SO uncomfortable for me at first but it was so profound for me to learn that I don't have to fight feelings. I indeed needed to feel those feels and experience them and cry and rage at the sky, and then in the morning the sun would still come up.

We're with you on this road Contella.

advbike

I'm sorry you're struggling Contella. It is not just willpower, but learning to check in with our feelings so we can recognize those emotions that trip us up, and finding better and more healthy ways to deal with them, for example - anger, anxiety, even happiness can trigger me. I also found that the small groups like the monthly classes really help to provide greater support and again a way to check in on how we're feeling, and post daily. That is how I have gained long term sobriety in the past.

Anna

Contella, I'm sorry you're struggling, but the fact you are here and know you have to try again is so important. My suggestion is to really focus on each day, each hour or minute, if necessary. Make a plan for what you can each day to be sure to avoid drinking. The plan needs to be things that will work for you, so what could you do when you feel like drinking? Coming here to SR and posting could be very helpful, going for a long walk, listening to music, whatever works for you. Have faith that you will be able to do this. And, good for you for working on your mental health issues, too. Alcoholism and mental health issues can often go hand in hand.

BornToBeSober

There's no amount of attempts or 'normal number' as far as failed attempts to stay sober. Everyone is different so I wouldn't get caught up in that. Some things come easier to me than they do to my friends, and vice versa. Attempting to get sober is no different.

I think what's most important is not to downplay relapses but also not get too discouraged. It's tricky at times. Main aspect that I think is most important w relapses is that you've got to try harder to make sure it never happens again and never ever throw in the towel.

I don't care if you are homeless on the street w 10,000 prior relapses. You should never ever stop fighting!

DriGuy

Just getting to know people here, it's obvious than many of us have had several failed attempts, so don't give up. Getting over the hump is hard, but you've got to stop believing you can get it under control someday.

Hodd

I feel for you, Contella, as no one quits first time. It’s a massive lifestyle change to quit drinking. It’s likely to be one of the biggest things you’ve done. You know you need to quit so that’s half the battle won.

You know that drinking and stress are a vicious cycle. As your body starts to crave, along comes even more stress. You know you’d be a lot calmer without alcohol holding you back.

Have you changed anything in your life or could you do so to stop drinking? Anna’s mentioned this above. You need to change a few other things too to make this work. Maybe take up a new activity, for example, or stop another one. What do you do whilst drinking? Maybe cut back on that. It’s exhausting, I know, but no one here quit first time.

Alpine

Don't give up! I too have had my fair share of failed attempts. I have mentioned in other threads that obliviously what I was doing or trying to do to stop drinking was not working so I have been working hard on changing my mindset and coming here often and participating in discussions. All of that was out of my comfort zone but has been helping me more than words can say. I read and or participate in several threads. The people here are beyond amazing and have offered and shared their experience and insight. I hope you can find what works for you.

SouthernSober

You're here and working and trying and that's what counts. I've heard of people that were in and out of AA for decades before finally quitting for good. I've heard of an 81-year-old in my home town who came into the program at that age and stayed sober through her death at age 99.

I myself lost track of my white chips a long time ago. And I too fight mental health issues...as a Veteran I have what they call the "hat trick..." PTSD, anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder. That's on top of the substance abuse.

Everyone's different but that first 90 days is critical. Your neurotransmitters and body chemistry are still fighting to regain the ship so physiologically alone it's a tough fight. You know how in the original "Star Wars" they couldn't do anything until they disabled the traction beam? That's what it's like very early in recovery. You put together a month or two and wham, something happens and you pick up again. I'm at 6 months now and remember how tough some days where that first 90 days. Your disease is the traction beam--it's pulling you back in just as you are pulling away from it.

Support--wherever it comes from (AA, SR, SMART, etc.)--is critical. Never isolate. Check in daily, attend to your medical needs, be kind to yourself.

Know the tougher the event/day, the stronger you become when you get through it without drinking.

It gets better. Keep coming back. Wish you the best. SS

Contella09

Thank you to all of you for your replies and support again.

I think what gets to me the most is that I am absolutely determined to beat this . The more I fail the harder it gets for me to forgive myself. My binges get worse every time and its only started getting that way since trying to quit.

In January I started writing a book to keep me focused on sobriety. I wanted that first year under my belt and if I finished it then that would have been something I could really be proud of. While writing it I wanted to learn as much as I could. I wanted to make it a learning experience and also informative so it could possibly help someone else. I gave up on OT because after 2-3 weeks I drank again. On day one I documented my experience of the withdrawals. My resting heart rate was 151bpm and that really worried me. By day 7 it was at 66.

I bought a weighted hula hoop and started doing aerobics daily to also give me another thing to work towards for the greater good of my health. I just don't stick with anything I try . I give up too easily. You guys have always given me so information to help me and I just need to keep trying until it works. Posting on here and talking to people has always been the best thing I can do and really helped me to stay sober for a while. I feel stronger for it .
Congratulations to all of you on your sober time! You are all such an inspiration to me. I won't give up and I will keep you all informed on my progress.

Free2bme888

Aawwwweee. Big hugs are due here………🤓❤️


Addiction is slimy sneaky and persistent.

We control our hands, feet, legs, arms and mouths.

Remember the yucky feelings of this decision that you made to drink. Those yucky feelings are a gift you can use as a deterrent when those thoughts to drink surface again.

Youraddiction lies to you in your own voice. Don’t listen. Listening can lead to acting on the impulse.

Much love that this is your last first days.

Dee74

I don't want to do the math but I tried to quit at least once a week for 15 years.
It takes what it takes.

For me it took being prepared to do anything to stop - I changed my life completely....I took drinking off the table as a viable option. It was hard, but worth it 100 times over

You can never lose a fight if you never give in - you can do this Contella
D

Nonsensical

Strange, isn't it? If I told you I wasn't going to drink, but then I drank, you'd forgive me.
You would treat me with compassion and encourage me to try again.
You might even provide me with kind words of support.
You don't even know me, but you would treat me with respect.

The person in your mirror deserves every bit of that.
Give it.

Change is possible.
Hope is reasonable.
You have work to do.

VikingGF

There is no normal, there is only keep trying.

You can do it, Contella.

least

I failed countless times until I woke up one morning, after drinking for two days and blowing my six months sobriety. I woke up with an attitude of "THAT'S ENOUGH!!" And haven't had a drop since then.

Keep trying. Never give up. Keep trying until you 'get it'.

Quitorelse

thank for this post

Anna

Contella, I had a harder and harder time to forgive myself for relapsing, too. I eventually realized that I wasn't going to be able to quit and stay sober unless I forgave myself. The more frustrated I was with myself, the more I was drawn back to drinking again. Be kind to yourself.

RecklessDrunk

The way I see it willpower is only a prerequisite. Possibly you are trying too hard.

Its like if you go to the beach and try to stop a wave. Some things are just out of our control. Whether its God or forces of nature or some great spirit. Ultimately something other then us is in control. We have to learn to just trust in it and accept it. Accept life's everyday ups and downs.

I look at it as taking life one day at a time. Very early on I came across the word serenity and I realized that though I kind of knew what it meant. I didn't really know what it meant. So I researched the word serenity. I discovered that was a lot of what I was looking for with a drink.

Be123

I cannot answer your question but I can tell you my story.

I first went to AA when I was 23. I quit alcohol aged 40 only when my wife finally left me. I relapsed last year and am now very early in sobriety aged 42.

I wish I'd given up aged 23. I regret relapsing last year. But...all those things were a necessary part of my journey. Every meeting, every minute I spent on here, every time I read about addiction. It is frustrating and at times I was near suicidal at my failure and the misery I was living in. But for me it was a long process that has led me to here.

I hope nobody reads that as an excuse to keep drinking or to relapse. But for me I needed those things. Sad, frustrating, at times completely desperate. But it's a process - and for me it is now a daily, hourly process of total personal overhaul.

Its exciting to be sober and see a future ahead of me