Dionysos

I could probably do with a heart check up. I’ve had the full investigation years ago when I had my first panic attack and mistook it for about to have a heart attack. Didn’t have any issues then but things can change. It’s likely the booze induced anxiety though. Funnily enough I didn’t have the issue when I cut rapidly down on the drink to almost zero by my standards but no actually zero. Also paranoid about it becoming more prevalent after the covid jab but even I think that’s a stretch being 42 and probably alcohol induced anxiety. Just ramped up as I’ve ramped up my drinking. A doctor absolutely tell me I have to taper owing to my consumption level but they do err on the side of caution and almost have to say that. Still not taking my chances with a cold Turkey attempt. Will probably be able to get to zero safely within a few days though rather than making it a long drawn affair. Had no physical effects a couple of months ago but never did go to zero completely and maxed out at 3 completely alcohol days in row followed by some low alcohol ones

fishkiller

You can quit anytime. Hopefully before too much damage is done.

Amazingly even though I drank and drugged heavy for 3 decades I am perfectly healthy.
Held a career which I retired from. Have had 2 successful businesses and raised a beautiful daughter.

All that and I was still a miserable mess for years.
ALL because of my drinking.
Finally gave it up and now I can actually see all the good in my life.

Do it know man. Don't overanalyze it.
What harm could come from being sober?

Wish I would have done it sooner but I am glad I finally did.

Dee74

The waiting to leap is the fear-filled part, but I’m glad I made the leap Dionysos
You really can get off the crazy train anytime you like…you don’t have to wait until it leaves the tracks and derails.

I realised I could continue to drink…or have the better life I dreamed of…but not both.

One or the other - but not both.

D

Hevyn

I'm so glad you came here, Dionysos. I'd been drinking 30 yrs. & had a ruined life when I found SR. After reading & posting I was able to find the courage to get free. You absolutely can do it. It feels strange at first, but things get so much better - a bit at a time. Be proud of yourself for wanting to reclaim your life.

RecklessDrunk

I think if you go to AA you may be surprised how much you have in common with others. Once you go you might get a jolt of hope. Hope is one of those things that can be more powerful then the ease and comfort of those first few drinks.

Anxiety and depression is what alcohol does. Alcohol is a depressant. Alcohol is supposed to be processed by the body at like one drink per hour or something like that. Once we pile up all those drinks at a time the alcohol spends quite a bit of time in our system. We alcoholics tend to think in the short term. The ease and comfort is only the beginning and only accounts for a fraction of the time alcohol spends in the body. The rest of the time its causing anxiety and depression. Its a trade off of little ease and comfort for much anxiety and depression. It didn't start out that way but over time the ratio gets worse and worse. Less ease and comfort, more anxiety and depression as the years of drinking go on.

Mags1

Hi Dionysos, welcome to SR.

Stopping drinking sounds terrifying at first. I couldn’t think of not having a drink forever, never. How wrong I was.

As biminiblue mentioned, ‘just don’t drink’. You can learn how to stay stopped here on SR.

Mags1

Hi Dionysos, welcome to SR.

Stopping drinking sounds terrifying at first. I couldn’t think of not having a drink forever, never. How wrong I was.

As biminiblue mentioned, ‘just don’t drink’. You can learn how to stay stopped here on SR.

Dionysos

Just to give an update, I haven’t drunk for 3 days and had no real urge to do so. I have been staying with my parents though and have always found it easy so the test will be when I return home. Would be interesting to know how many people live alone. I’m already doubting whether I’m an alcoholic or it’s just circumstances but either way going to try and keep it up as can’t see a downside to not drinking compared to drinking. Just need to fill my time with stuff apart from the pub because once I have one big session the anxiety response just sends me into a cycle I can’t get out of without running away

DriGuy

I live alone apart from a couple of relationships along the way where someone else was always in the house, but I never feel lonely, because I have friends who I can depend on. In fact, I like being alone, because I feel less distracted. I suppose there are two sides to that issue, and many people are actually distracted by alone-ness.

I've wondered if I'm really an alcoholic too, and I know others who wonder the same thing, even though there is no doubt in my mind that they are alcoholics. It's probably a more common thought than we realize, because being alcoholics is nothing we ever planned or aspired to.

I've decided the question is mostly academic and irrelevant. Just wondering about it is enough cause for concern and there is no need to go out getting plastered to prove it one way or the other. That question is more likely our AV trying to insert drinking ideas into our vulnerable minds.

biminiblue

You titled your thread, "I'm an alcoholic"

Here is what you said just four days ago:
We call that the Addictive Voice (AV) when the rationalizing starts about drinking at some point in the future. Your addiction will use any and all arguments to get you to drink again.

It's a liar and it is trying to kill you.

Ignore it. I just kept telling myself, "I don't drink, no matter what." Those thoughts and urges do fade away, but it takes a bit longer than four days.

Dionysos

Like I said I fit the definition of one in almost every way. Well I score about 95%.

I just hate being alone. Hate my flat which is either freezing or boiling. First things first is to move as even trying to plan alternative activities there are going to be times when I should be happy to watch TV and never do.

I only drink in pubs. Often for the company. Often on my own. I actually feel safe there. There are health anxiety issues also like if I have a heart attack there’ll be someone to call an ambulance

Dionysos

I do feel infinitely better even after only 3 days though. Hardly any anxiety but I have company so that might have something to do with it.

I’m going to give abstinence a whirl which will be difficult because of my love of pubs. Going to the rugby in a few weeks which always has involved drinking historically. Not cancelling it as want to watch it and alternative would be to go to the pub. Don’t have the sports package to stay in

dickensen

My opinion on stopping: Everyone is different. To be on the safe side, go see your doctor and ask him to recommend a withdrawal method. I drank for 40 years, was in the hospital for 10 days for a non-alcohol issue, and after being discharged just continued not drinking with few withdrawal issues. I am now over 8 months and have not looked back. In recovery I read SR every day.

Dionysos

I’m 4 days sober with no I’ll effects and confident I’ll make it to 11 days until I return home alone next week. So got 7 days to make a plan as to how to keep myself busy, get the flat cleaned so I can give notice to move somewhere else.

It’s going to be freezing there this winter even with the hearing on as has zero insulation. I’m not kidding it’s colder inside than outside sometimes and I am going to have to stay in sometimes. I can’t be out all the time. Would usually be in the pub

Dionysos

Going to go the gym 3 days a week. Cinema once a week but then leaves the long weekends

fishkiller

The only way I can remain successful is to take the drinking option away completely

I don't drink
No mater what

Cold
Hot
Alone
Socializing
Watching rugby
In a bar
At a party like I was last night

Does not matter the circumstances
I Do Not Drink

I could care less if I am an alcoholic. I am someone who cannot control their alcohol intake once it is in my system so I do not put it in there.
No label or definition necessary.

You can do everything you do now sober.
No need to poison yourself to "enjoy" life.
Takes a while but you will get the hang of it.

Lots of AV talk in your posts which is perfectly normal early on so work on recognizing it and it will get easier.

fishkiller

Glad to see you making a plan!

Steely

You can do anything in the world you want, (within reason), except drink.

I think that's a great deal.

Dee74

There will come a time when you can go anywhere anytime but ... yeah early recovery is a time of tough choices.
make decisions based on your desire to be sober and you can't go far wrong
D

Dionysos

I think it’s obvious that I’m toying with the moderation route but don’t think this is the right course this time. I successfully did it for 6 months (averaged 20 units per week) but was fake as was with my parents and mainly through lockdown and don’t drink at home. It was being like in a zoo but not being able to survive in the wild. Moderation sounds like too much effort and torture counting drinks. I’m also certain that I’ll likely end up how I was when I first posted if not worse so going to attend a few AA meetings when I get back.