LeadHatter

Hi Lenno here on day 6.

the first four days of sobriety were bliss.

yesterday I made the mistake of discussing religion with someone on a mental health forum. It did my head in.

Something else did my head in yesterday so that was twice in one day.

So after 4 days of bliss day 5 was challenging and disappointing.

Since large parts of my day were dedicated to managing my mood (walking and posting on forums online) I didn’t get to enjoy what I like, and what I had looked forward too all week (in my case soccer and formula one) so as I say that was disappointing.

I think that idea of bliss is called a pink cloud or purple cloud or something isn’t it in recovery circles, so I know it doesn’t last forever.

anyhow (quite possibly because yesterday was difficult) today I’m feeling tired and sad.

i tried contact with a higher power, cooking myself a nice meal and have taken myself on a walk.

two people advised me yesterday to “drop the stone” which I guess is something to do when someone gives you poop, but I’m not sure that idea is going to work for me.

no danger of picking up. Just frustrated. My mental health situation is challenging in and of itself so low mood and anxiety really not helping.

biminiblue

Just don't drink, that's the main thing.

Since you did that, you got it right.

The mental health stuff is very challenging in early days - it gets ten thousand percent better and I learned that, "this too shall pass,"
just hang in there. It takes Time. Good times and bad times both pass.

Learning to sit with the low moods isn't that easy for people like me who always applied alcohol to any mood I didn't like (or any mood I really really liked a lot and wanted to enhance.)

VikingGF

LH, I think a common mistake so many of us make, myself included, is that we are supposed to be happy all the time. Life is hard hard hard and it gets easier because we take alcohol out of the equation but it doesn't mean it's easy overall. Our own expectations of being in a better mood or not feeling sad or anxious can actually make us more anxious or angry even, here we made this giant effort of stopping this thing that we really were pretty committed to and our lives didn't get better instantaneously, or hey, it even got harder or a little worse in spots and well, that's not fair and I'm tired of this. At least this is what I have been in and out of all weekend, and the low times are not even related to the hard work I've been doing. Bimini is right about sitting with the low moods and working through them because we are not skilled at that- right? My only words of encouragement to you are BRAVO for not drinking and THANK YOU for this post because I just used it to work through some stuff and now I have some insight to my own behaviors. And thanks to you, too, biminiblue. Together, we WILL get through this all.

Anna

There are always going to be tough days, but you will get better at negotiating those. You're doing great.

KAD65

In early sobriety, I was a wreck! My moods were all over the place. I'd wake up all hours of the night and go out walking in the dark. It was the only thing to alleviate the anxiety and the nagging feelings of impending doom and suicidal ideations. I called my sponsor every morning as soon as I thought he was up in the hopes he could talk me down from the ledge. One of those mornings he asked me something that stuck with me ever since. "What is the worst thing that could happen TODAY?" Usually, nothing in particular was going to happen, at least nothing that would warrant the daily anxiety attacks. Recovery is a challenge, but you can only move forward so long as you do not drink. Keep attending those meetings if they're helping you. Reach out to people. You will likely find many who can relate to what you're going through. There are plenty of them here on SR, too. You're not alone.

LeadHatter

Please can a mod delete this I posted by mistake

LeadHatter

Thankyou again for all the kind replies

biminiblue :- the idea that mental health stuff gets thousands of percentage points better is encouraging Thankyou. Also re sitting with low moods and accepting them is something my therapist has been trying to teach me. I do find it hard though.

VikingGF :- again what you say about not having to be happy all the time is something my therapist told me. I didn’t see her for months though so I forgot some of it. My therapist tells me “happiness is not a feeling but the result of a deep full and meaningful life”. Yeagh. Maybe I will need to sit with sadness for a bit and just accept it and maybe it will pass idk. Im sorry to hear you have had some difficulties yourself this weekend but I’m glad my post helped you.

Anna :- thanks for the encouragement I guess it is what it is but I do hope someday to have many more peaceful serene days (I like that and my first few days were like that) than sad or overly difficult ones. I’m going to stay sober but have felt a small amount of temptation today. I won’t pickup though.

CAD65 :- thanks for the encouragement. I goto AA online and yes find the meetings help. I didn’t go yesterday but will go later today I think. I hope your doing much better now than your early sobriety.

Everyone:- I’m going to mop my floor, it’s been irritating and/or annoying me for days and then I’m going for another walk.

Obladi

One of the things I suffer from is this tendency to think that I know The Truth and so feel obligated to 'help' other people to see The Truth.

That's very painful for me. Doing things like arguing very contentious points at any time is pretty much useless, and usually causes some form of harm as well. People think what they think and it is not my job or right to straighten them out. Even if I do think that I'm trying to do a good and laudable thing by enlightening other people, it's not good for me. (Debate, discussion, where both parties really want to hash something out together - that's different... but not my point at the moment.)

Those AA folks would put other people's religious beliefs squarely in the box of "Things I cannot change." I've used that box to also store, "Things that maybe I could change, but it's better for me if I don't even attempt to change them." I put a whole lot of conflict and especially one trauma in that box when I got sober last time. I realized that if I were to have a prayer at staying sober, there were some things that were so upsetting to me that I couldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. So I didn't. It took a good year and a half before I could even start to think about unpacking that box, and I have done so just a little bit at a time.

If you truly want to stay sober, my advice is to stay away from anything that causes emotional upheaval for you. Not forever, but just for now, while you get your self in order. I promise, you'll find enough challenge just living life without embroiling yourself in voluntary drama.

O

Dee74

I think you are doing great LH. Learning to negotiate the tough days and staying sober is so important
Dropping the stone sounds like what they talk about in the serenity prayer D

LeadHatter

Thanks Obladi and Dee