Dee74

I think beating yourself up and calling yourself names only makes it easier to drink again KTB.

If you think you're not worth saving it makes your addictions job that much easier.

Like Hev's signature says you (me, all of us) are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done.

There's the corrupted drinking version of us, but there's also the good honest pure us as well - the real self we can get back.

You have to put your faith in a process where that can happen, and the first step in that process, or that journey, is not drinking anymore.

How do you utlise support? at its very simplest, you ask for help - several times a day if you need to

D

Nonsensical

Go through all the threads of the people who are struggling right now and post that comment to them. "You aren't worth a bucket of warm ****."
Tell them how useless and weak you think they are.
You'd never do it, would you?
But you didn't even think twice about telling yourself the exact same thing.

I used to chastise myself in my car on the way to work. I would turn the mirror so I could see myself in it and berate myself for my drinking.
It did not buy me 1 minute of sobriety. Most of those days I drank again.

Go point at the person in the mirror and tell them you are going to stay sober for them today. You are going to do it because you love them and they deserve a better life.

katlin

KTB,
How are you doing today? I've been thinking so much about your posts. I know it's elementary but maybe you should spend some time thinking (writing?) about some good qualities you have and try to thoughtfully and methodically focus on one of them at a time when you feel the negative thoughts creeping in. We beat ourselves up for being human so many times. We are all flawed. Alcohol lies to us and tells us it is the magic antidote for our all our insecurities and all our imperfections. A day sober facing the harsh realities of our lives is better than a fogged-in drunk day any day. I'm pulling for you!

VikingGF

EXACTLY what Nonsensical said. Give yourself the break you'd give anyone else.

KTB5000

I have been working tirelessly at being kinder to myself - all day everyday. Let me explain how desperately kind Ive been to myself. I literally fall asleep to self-love meditation videos and spend every moment that I have listening to Eastern or Christian self-help. I took on sponsors. I cheered in AA meetings. Now all the info has become so jumbled that I find that am in some way leaning towards accepting myself for just who I am - - yet I do not identify with it. I'm just so confused. I really am. I feel neither free nor bound to anything. I appreciate the feedback, it really feels good to be engaged with others and that is a truth within me.

KTB5000

I will try to focus on writing Ms. Kat. I need new habits and I am undeniably not geared towards self-destruction. I can do this. I just have a hard time getting and staying in that space. I have a hard time reconciling the prospect of a better way. To be firm in this new way. It's truly deprecating.

KTB5000

Thank you Viking, I know that my excuses do a disservice to me and my family. I will reach out to find some support groups, at this point, any change is better than no change. I am sick and tired, of blah blah blah...

I have to be creative but keep it simple. Be mindful and open-minded.

KTB5000

I love all of you. Truly.

Dee74

It took me several months of not drinking to let go the confusion of 20 years drinking.
It was like my brain was stillsodden with alcohol, my brain was foggy.
This is not the best things will get KTB- I do believe you are on the right track

D

KTB5000

Yes Dee I will carry, carry on. Thank you. It feels my heart is going to attack. But I will control my idea of who I am with great effort. And I will move towards change against my active belief system and conditioning.

least

Save a little love for yourself.

KTB5000

Love is quantifiable, it's relative my dearest Least

KTB5000

I do love your hugs Least. ....question: if I believe that I am incurable, is it possible to be healed?

KTB5000

Can a delusioned person be spontaneously free from a delusion?

least

You are NOT incurable. You just feel that way. Stay sober and gradually your outlook will improve from dark to light. Believe me. As one who once believed I was worthless, I'm telling you, you're going to get better if you just stay sober. You can't heal if you keep doing damage to yourself.

Nonsensical

I waited 25 years for the lightening bolt of sobriety to hit me in the backside as I slept off another binge. I was just certain that one day I would wake up and be cured. The thirst would be gone.
My delusion was that I thought it was going to be easy.
That it would happen spontaneously.

I've never met another person on this forum in real life. But I could tell by the way they wrote that they understood the crushing weight of addiction better than my wife and mother. These strangers told me if I just kept swimming (stayed sober) I would get to the other side. Despite every delusional thing my brain was telling me, it would get better if I stayed sober.
They were right.

Just keep swimming KTB. Just keep swimming!

katlin

I couldn't love your comment more! In just 30 days of my personal sobriety the support I've gotten from SR whether from replies to posts I've made or just reading what others have or are going through on their own journeys has given me such hope that there is a path to success here with sustained effort. As long as there is life, there is hope ... even for the delusional .