LoveHateWhine

I did that at my last work conference, too! Did not attend a single session. And I would get quite upset if I forgot the wine bottle openers in my luggage and had to go buy one. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

biminiblue

LHW, I hope you don't drink at these retirement get togethers. I think it would be a fantastic way to be remembered, "She said she quit drinking - good for her!!" They've all known about your problem.

I never lied to anyone about why I quit. What's the point in lying? Medications? Why lie? Then they'll ask about the medications or, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" ugh. One lie begets another.

"I don't like how it makes me feel any more."
"I've stopped drinking."
"I've already had my fair share."
"It's not on my food plan."
"Not today."
"I'm taking time off from drinking."
"I'm driving."

If someone asks me a question after I've said, "No thanks," I might answer in any of the above ways but if I feel like they're being manipulative or mean-spirited about it, I'll do what least said above, "Why does it bother you?" I've yet to have anyone have an answer to that.

MLD51

Congratulations on retirement, LHW. I agree with Bim, I don't think you need to justify not drinking with anything other than something close to the truth. I mean yeah, the Whole 30 doesn't allow alcohol, but that's not REALLY why you won't be drinking. When I quit, only a couple of people asked me why. I told them the truth, that it was a problem for me and that I decided it was time to hang it up. Just like that. Only one person asked any more questions, and that was a friend who I used to drink with and he was genuinely curious to know if I was planning on making it permanent. I told him that was the plan. "Good for you" was his response. I was surprised that more people didn't question it, they either already knew I had a big problem with it, so there was no need to ask why, or they figured it was none of their business, or they just really didn't care. Anyway, my point is, don't worry too much about what other people think. Enjoy yourself, have your club soda or whatever, politely but firmly turn down offers of drinks, answer questions about why with a simple, "I'm not drinking today, thanks." True, and if you say that every day for the rest of your life, you will be a non-drinker!

And someone else said to make your life in retirement a life of purpose. I am thinking about retiring in a coupe of years myself, if things align the way I hope. I am already figuring out what my purpose(s) will be. I'm so excited to explore some things I've never really had time to do. Volunteering, starting a complicated hobby (woodworking is the current idea), spending a lot more time with my grandchild, a fitness routine that I can really dive into. Also travel - that's my passion. If you can come up with a list of things that really excite you and figure out how to incorporate them into retirement, you'll be so occupied with good stuff that you won't even want to drink.

SoberLeigh

LHW, you’ve got this. Fantastic advice and wisdom in the previous posts.

For me, “No thanks” works 99% of the time. If asked again, “No thanks; I don’t drink” always seals the deal.

Thinking of you, Reid.

Mags1

Bim, you’re right but for me meds worked and wasn’t quizzed. I’m more my own person nowadays and don’t bother so much about what they think…

biminiblue

I just have a problem with a recovery community suggesting that a lie is an acceptable way to deal with my Truth. I mean, sure, if you actually ARE taking a medication that interacts with alcohol, that's a different issue.

There is no shame in quitting drinking. It is a Life-Affirming decision and no one's business.

At one point (unrelated to drinking or medication...) I lost a lot of weight in a fairly short amount of time. Some people who I barely knew asked me if I was okay, with that pitying-nosey attitude. It was none of their business and I found that extremely rude and intrusive. With some people it felt more gossipy than compassionate. You can tell the difference, and that's more about them than me.

Mags1

I was actually taking meds to be honest. But that had never stopped me drinking before. And yeah, I’m proud I quit.

Cityboy

I've had several people ask if I was ready for one as they made their way to grab a beer, glass of wine, or mix a drink, but can't say I've had anyone ask why I didn't want one. They mostly just drop it or maybe begin rationalizing their drinking like I used to do. At a family get together once my niece asked what I was looking at on my phone and I told her it was a chat site for alcohol recovery, so how's that for being honest.

Cityboy

Bimini, "lost a lot of weight." . I gained weight at first from benging on unhealthy food, but did drop a few pounds eventually. Could stand to drop a few more.

biminiblue

Yeah, Mags, sorry if what I said seemed like an attack. I just see that suggestion all the time in the main forums, "Just tell them you're on medication." That's fine if you're actually ON medication...those suggesting it usually don't have that kind of information when making the suggestion. Alcoholics already have two million layers of denial and dishonesty to overcome.

I hope you know I wasn't attacking you.

theVman31

Thanks Bim for the good OP.

I'm in for another too.

I'm on hols this evening, no more work for 4 weeks

See you all over te weekend

Mags1

No it didn’t feel like an attack. I wasn’t thinking what I was saying. To be honest it was only family meals we went out with when I first quit and they wasn’t bothered either way. I think the problem was more in my head.

Mags1

Vinny enjoy your time off.

biminiblue

Cityboy, I lost nearly 100 pounds in a little over a year - but I was still drinking when I did it. It was well over a decade ago.

venuscat

When I was a kid, up to around 12 or 13, I spent a lot of time helping my mum at her parties.....she had a ton of dinner parties, and card nights and family dinners.

I would take around the hors d'oeuvres (and I loved making them with my mum) and I would ask people if they would like a drink.
What this meant was would they like anything to drink....my parents always had soft drinks and soda and tonic water available.
So yes please I would like a lemonade or ginger ale were common responses. And those drinks I would make and serve.
If the person I asked wanted alcohol, I would take those orders to my dad and he would make them and distribute them.

Only two of my uncles (family friends) ever got drunk at our house.....ok, maybe 3 of them. And when that happened my dad would take their car keys and make sure someone else drove them home.

I grew up seeing people have a wonderful time (many of them) with little or no alcohol.

The only alcoholic in my immediate family is me.
Once I stopped, my family all knew so I was never offered alcohol.
I remember once....at my sisters house, one of her friends asked I wanted some wine, and before I could answer my youngest nephew shot up from his chair and said loudly: Suzie doesn't drink. And the friend said OK, bout time, and poured me some cranberry juice.

I liked the honesty very much. I liked the accountability.

venuscat

Enjoy dear Vinny! ❤️

SoberLeigh

What a cute nephew, Suze. He must have been very proud of you.

Mags1

Suze, sounds like you mum and dad had some lovely get together evenings.

venuscat

Hundreds of them I think....my mum lived to cook and entertain.

MLD51

Any and all gatherings in my home when I was growing up (family or not) involved ridiculous amounts of drinking. No wonder I grew up thinking that's just what grownups do! After I started recovery, my mo once said "shake the family tree hard enough, and a bunch of alcoholics will fall out." I'm the only one (that I know of) who actually stopped drinking and admitted to having a problem.