Day Five
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Day Five
So this is the fifth day since I promised my wife I'd quit drinking and I've done really well, I had one evening where I let myself down but in total out of the five days I've done four alcohol free. Today will make it five out of six, I've wrote down a list of positive outcomes that result from not drinking alcohol and I read them each night when I return from work to keep me motivated to keep this up.
One thing I will say is the evenings are so boring, I need something to focus on each night to kill the boredom as I just hate sitting about watching TV. Tonight we're going out for a walk with the dog, going to make it a long one because I know once I get past the 9pm mark my body and mind accepts the day is over, there is no point in getting a drink now because you need to be up early for work.
It's this fact that makes the drinking I was doing all the more crazy, I was trying to fit it into a window of time that meant I'd be able to get up for work. In truth where is the pleasure in that?
Why has this happened to me, why can't I be one of the people that enjoy a drink at a weekend and are used to normal lazy evenings with a cup of coffee or tea. Why am I having to quit drinking full stop, I know why I'm doing it but the question is why has alcohol forced me to make this decision.
I just want a normal life, work through the week, relax in the evenings and have social scene weekend but now I don't feel I can drink at a weekend because I know it will spiral me back into the path of drinking Vodka every night. So I'm being forced into a life of boredom and denial.
I think the depression of not drinking again is pushing me into a minor depression.
One thing I will say is the evenings are so boring, I need something to focus on each night to kill the boredom as I just hate sitting about watching TV. Tonight we're going out for a walk with the dog, going to make it a long one because I know once I get past the 9pm mark my body and mind accepts the day is over, there is no point in getting a drink now because you need to be up early for work.
It's this fact that makes the drinking I was doing all the more crazy, I was trying to fit it into a window of time that meant I'd be able to get up for work. In truth where is the pleasure in that?
Why has this happened to me, why can't I be one of the people that enjoy a drink at a weekend and are used to normal lazy evenings with a cup of coffee or tea. Why am I having to quit drinking full stop, I know why I'm doing it but the question is why has alcohol forced me to make this decision.
I just want a normal life, work through the week, relax in the evenings and have social scene weekend but now I don't feel I can drink at a weekend because I know it will spiral me back into the path of drinking Vodka every night. So I'm being forced into a life of boredom and denial.
I think the depression of not drinking again is pushing me into a minor depression.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 11
I was in the same boat, and with the same poison (Vodka). My problem is that my spouse is also a heavy drinker herself, and still is. That makes it difficult because we bonded over drinking together. Now that I've quit, it's a little harder to find that bond, though in the end I think my quitting will inspire her to also think about doing the same. It would be nice to have that support for each other, but right now I'm going at it alone, with support from those on here, and doing the same things you're doing. Nearing 40, I've had problematic drinking for 13-14 years now. It takes my body longer to recover, especially Monday's after a guilty weekend of binge drinking heavily. I started to notice familiar patterns returning that I said would never happen again 8 years ago. Now is the time to put up or shutup for me. I'm only a few weeks in after a short relapse around the 4th of July.. but, I'm a few weeks in, and that's something. Each day sober is something. I feel better, past few nights I had some great sleep through the night. You can do this! I had pretty much assumed I'd die by 40.. but am giving life a second chance. For my wife, for my family. They rely on me to provide. Alcohol will eventually prevent that. Crazy part is, I've got a fantastic life! Do very well financially, have a wonderful wife, have all the cars/toys... but still drink excessively. When I don't drink, I truly enjoy life. When I do drink, I truly enjoy life. However, one of them is going to kill me faster than the other. Today I choose to be sober. Stay strong, KingEric!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by m00t 
I was in the same boat, and with the same poison (Vodka). My problem is that my spouse is also a heavy drinker herself, and still is. That makes it difficult because we bonded over drinking together. Now that I've quit, it's a little harder to find that bond, though in the end I think my quitting will inspire her to also think about doing the same. It would be nice to have that support for each other, but right now I'm going at it alone, with support from those on here, and doing the same things you're doing. Nearing 40, I've had problematic drinking for 13-14 years now. It takes my body longer to recover, especially Monday's after a guilty weekend of binge drinking heavily. I started to notice familiar patterns returning that I said would never happen again 8 years ago. Now is the time to put up or shutup for me. I'm only a few weeks in after a short relapse around the 4th of July.. but, I'm a few weeks in, and that's something. Each day sober is something. I feel better, past few nights I had some great sleep through the night. You can do this! I had pretty much assumed I'd die by 40.. but am giving life a second chance. For my wife, for my family. They rely on me to provide. Alcohol will eventually prevent that. Crazy part is, I've got a fantastic life! Do very well financially, have a wonderful wife, have all the cars/toys... but still drink excessively. When I don't drink, I truly enjoy life. When I do drink, I truly enjoy life. However, one of them is going to kill me faster than the other. Today I choose to be sober. Stay strong, KingEric!
I've got a great life myself, but without drink seems to leave a huge hole that I can't fill. Suppose this is what true addiction really is, we've spent 20 years or more drinking for our own entertainment and when it stops you leave a big gapping hole of time to fill.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I am not going to tell you both or anyone else to read around to learn the addiction world according to D122y.
You are not asking me for help so my input can be considered just some guy talking on an airplane. You are sitting one row up.
Drugs, booze included, alters our brain so that we need it to feel normal. When we quit drinking there is healing/normalization process.
The physical healing happens fairly fast. The mental normalization takes years. It is no mystery or magic.
Understanding the addiction will take any form including depression, happiness, bored, neutral etc etc. is the foundation of the defense against relapse.
Allowing the body to begin to create natural drugs, and getting used to the amount of good feeling we get feels like suffering.
The emotional suffering feels like torture. It is analysis vs emotion. Left vs right brain.
Relapse and the damage deepens.
Taking RX meds can help, but that can become another addiction. It might be the only way out. Relapse by mixing booze and meds becomes another level of hell on earth to get out.
That is the essence of addiction to booze.
Thanks for the therapy.
You are not asking me for help so my input can be considered just some guy talking on an airplane. You are sitting one row up.
Drugs, booze included, alters our brain so that we need it to feel normal. When we quit drinking there is healing/normalization process.
The physical healing happens fairly fast. The mental normalization takes years. It is no mystery or magic.
Understanding the addiction will take any form including depression, happiness, bored, neutral etc etc. is the foundation of the defense against relapse.
Allowing the body to begin to create natural drugs, and getting used to the amount of good feeling we get feels like suffering.
The emotional suffering feels like torture. It is analysis vs emotion. Left vs right brain.
Relapse and the damage deepens.
Taking RX meds can help, but that can become another addiction. It might be the only way out. Relapse by mixing booze and meds becomes another level of hell on earth to get out.
That is the essence of addiction to booze.
Thanks for the therapy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by KingEric
Thank you.
I've got a great life myself, but without drink seems to leave a huge hole that I can't fill. Suppose this is what true addiction really is, we've spent 20 years or more drinking for our own entertainment and when it stops you leave a big gapping hole of time to fill.
I've got a great life myself, but without drink seems to leave a huge hole that I can't fill. Suppose this is what true addiction really is, we've spent 20 years or more drinking for our own entertainment and when it stops you leave a big gapping hole of time to fill.
To fill the gap, to get you to 9pm.. Go to a meeting. Or if not interested in person to person there is almost hourly support meetings on the In The Rooms site that I've enjoyed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by D122y
I am not going to tell you both or anyone else to read around to learn the addiction world according to D122y.
You are not asking me for help so my input can be considered just some guy talking on an airplane. You are sitting one row up.
Drugs, booze included, alters our brain so that we need it to feel normal. When we quit drinking there is healing/normalization process.
The physical healing happens fairly fast. The mental normalization takes years. It is no mystery or magic.
Understanding the addiction will take any form including depression, happiness, bored, neutral etc etc. is the foundation of the defense against relapse.
Allowing the body to begin to create natural drugs, and getting used to the amount of good feeling we get feels like suffering.
The emotional suffering feels like torture. It is analysis vs emotion. Left vs right brain.
Relapse and the damage deepens.
Taking RX meds can help, but that can become another addiction. It might be the only way out. Relapse by mixing booze and meds becomes another level of hell on earth to get out.
That is the essence of addiction to booze.
Thanks for the therapy.
You are not asking me for help so my input can be considered just some guy talking on an airplane. You are sitting one row up.
Drugs, booze included, alters our brain so that we need it to feel normal. When we quit drinking there is healing/normalization process.
The physical healing happens fairly fast. The mental normalization takes years. It is no mystery or magic.
Understanding the addiction will take any form including depression, happiness, bored, neutral etc etc. is the foundation of the defense against relapse.
Allowing the body to begin to create natural drugs, and getting used to the amount of good feeling we get feels like suffering.
The emotional suffering feels like torture. It is analysis vs emotion. Left vs right brain.
Relapse and the damage deepens.
Taking RX meds can help, but that can become another addiction. It might be the only way out. Relapse by mixing booze and meds becomes another level of hell on earth to get out.
That is the essence of addiction to booze.
Thanks for the therapy.
It ain't fun and it's getting harder rather than easier, those early days where I wanted to do it for me and my wife have now gone and I'm at the point of why am I taking away something I enjoy!!!
But reality is I don't enjoy it, the next day I regret it and I'm now looking for reasons to drink again!!!!
In all honestly my head is a mess with this, in the morning I'm proud of my achievement but by 3pm I'm looking for reasons to let myself down.
The world wasn't meant to be like this, the world is fun for others. Why can't I find joy in just being me and taking one day at a time, why do I need this poison to feel happy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 11
Not pushing an alternative at all.. but on the extra extra hard days, I've found CBD oil to help bring down the stress/anxiety/depression.. I'm not a doctor, holistic or otherwise, so take it as you will. Maybe talk to your doctor about using it? Just make sure you get a prescribed one that is FDA approved, and no THC.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 269
I know exactly how you feel.
All I will say is that it becomes that little bit easier after each day. You might not feel like it right now, but just finding something else to do really helps. Exercise is a great idea. I always feel better after exercising, and try to remind myself of this all the time because I often don't feel like exercising to begin with.
You just need to guard about becoming complacent too because at some stage that can and will happen. You'll think, I'm alright now. Perhaps after a week, 2 weeks, a month or 5. It's a familiar pattern for lots of us. Best of luck mate.
All I will say is that it becomes that little bit easier after each day. You might not feel like it right now, but just finding something else to do really helps. Exercise is a great idea. I always feel better after exercising, and try to remind myself of this all the time because I often don't feel like exercising to begin with.
You just need to guard about becoming complacent too because at some stage that can and will happen. You'll think, I'm alright now. Perhaps after a week, 2 weeks, a month or 5. It's a familiar pattern for lots of us. Best of luck mate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by m00t
Not pushing an alternative at all.. but on the extra extra hard days, I've found CBD oil to help bring down the stress/anxiety/depression.. I'm not a doctor, holistic or otherwise, so take it as you will. Maybe talk to your doctor about using it? Just make sure you get a prescribed one that is FDA approved, and no THC.
Originally Posted by Mysteryman
I know exactly how you feel.
All I will say is that it becomes that little bit easier after each day. You might not feel like it right now, but just finding something else to do really helps. Exercise is a great idea. I always feel better after exercising, and try to remind myself of this all the time because I often don't feel like exercising to begin with.
You just need to guard about becoming complacent too because at some stage that can and will happen. You'll think, I'm alright now. Perhaps after a week, 2 weeks, a month or 5. It's a familiar pattern for lots of us. Best of luck mate.
All I will say is that it becomes that little bit easier after each day. You might not feel like it right now, but just finding something else to do really helps. Exercise is a great idea. I always feel better after exercising, and try to remind myself of this all the time because I often don't feel like exercising to begin with.
You just need to guard about becoming complacent too because at some stage that can and will happen. You'll think, I'm alright now. Perhaps after a week, 2 weeks, a month or 5. It's a familiar pattern for lots of us. Best of luck mate.
This Covid has done me bad, the lockdown in the UK encouraged binge drinking and I spent a four month period off work, you can imagine the lack of responsibility of getting up for work added to the fact I loved drinking, I was a mess every night. I've never recovered from that point onwards really. It was a bit of a disgrace that the UK government didn't stop alcohol sales during the lockdown pandemic, I've read of so many heavy drinkers slipping into full time alcoholism due to this period in their lives.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by KingEric
I've used CBD in the past and it helped amazingly with my sleep, I will consider this option to be fair. Thanks.
I've always exercised, but the last two years has seen an incredible drop in my fitness levels, in 2019 I was doing regular 5k, 6k, 7k and once a week a 10k run. Now I'm struggling to 3.2k runs, I target myself on that distance because it's 2 miles exactly but it's an incredible struggle.
This Covid has done me bad, the lockdown in the UK encouraged binge drinking and I spent a four month period off work, you can imagine the lack of responsibility of getting up for work added to the fact I loved drinking, I was a mess every night. I've never recovered from that point onwards really. It was a bit of a disgrace that the UK government didn't stop alcohol sales during the lockdown pandemic, I've read of so many heavy drinkers slipping into full time alcoholism due to this period in their lives.
I've always exercised, but the last two years has seen an incredible drop in my fitness levels, in 2019 I was doing regular 5k, 6k, 7k and once a week a 10k run. Now I'm struggling to 3.2k runs, I target myself on that distance because it's 2 miles exactly but it's an incredible struggle.
This Covid has done me bad, the lockdown in the UK encouraged binge drinking and I spent a four month period off work, you can imagine the lack of responsibility of getting up for work added to the fact I loved drinking, I was a mess every night. I've never recovered from that point onwards really. It was a bit of a disgrace that the UK government didn't stop alcohol sales during the lockdown pandemic, I've read of so many heavy drinkers slipping into full time alcoholism due to this period in their lives.
Yes I agree about the lockdowns. I've actually spent half the year sober on 2 occasions over the last 2 years, because I knew as soon as lockdown's began that my drinking could easily escalate at home. The problem is, I went back to drinking after each sober stint, and it quickly became a problem again like I was making up for lost time.
I'm lucky I work from home, and my productivity has been terrible.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Recovery freed me of two things:
I was freed of the actual addiction to alcohol, the substance itself, and the pleasure my brain received from the chemical.
The second thing I was freed of was the thinking that drinking played a vital role in my life, and without it my life was missing something. I wasn't.
Sobriety isn't a punishment.
I was freed of the actual addiction to alcohol, the substance itself, and the pleasure my brain received from the chemical.
The second thing I was freed of was the thinking that drinking played a vital role in my life, and without it my life was missing something. I wasn't.
Sobriety isn't a punishment.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
You're not being forced into a life of boredom and denial. And, if that's what you believe, it's going to be really hard for you to stay sober. Like you, I needed to add things to my life to support my sobriety, and long walks was one of those things. But, I also got back to hobbies I used to follow and I got back to reading a lot, which I love. It's only a life of boredom and denial if that's what you choose. Right now, you believe that alcohol is what brings happiness to your life. I think if you continue in recovery, you will find that there are a lot of things that can bring happiness to your life. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Why?
Because, that's why.
Folks like us can't drink. Period
I personally don't care why anymore.
Sounds to me like your AV is kicking and screaming.
I just mentioned this to someone this morning about denial.
Everyone talks about being alcoholics being in denial of having a problem. I KNEW for decades I had a problem. Never denied it. So why could I not stop?
I believe it was because I was in denial that I could live any other way. In denial I could live without alcohol.
What a crock that was.
I am not only living without it but thriving. Physically I am back. Mentally I am in a much better place. Alcohol is just a rare nuisance thought anymore.
I enjoy my weekends. Sometimes even around others drinking. As long as they are not drunk and obnoxious it doesn't seem to bother me.
I enjoy my evenings much more.
What do I do with all this extra time? Pretty much anything I want.
Actually I find there is stil not enough time in the day.
You are the king! You can do whatever you want! If you want to quit you can do it.
Who cares why we must. We just must. Life ain't always fair but it could be worse.
You ain't missing out buddy. Unless you continue to drink then you are definitely missing out.
Because, that's why.
Folks like us can't drink. Period
I personally don't care why anymore.
Sounds to me like your AV is kicking and screaming.
I just mentioned this to someone this morning about denial.
Everyone talks about being alcoholics being in denial of having a problem. I KNEW for decades I had a problem. Never denied it. So why could I not stop?
I believe it was because I was in denial that I could live any other way. In denial I could live without alcohol.
What a crock that was.
I am not only living without it but thriving. Physically I am back. Mentally I am in a much better place. Alcohol is just a rare nuisance thought anymore.
I enjoy my weekends. Sometimes even around others drinking. As long as they are not drunk and obnoxious it doesn't seem to bother me.
I enjoy my evenings much more.
What do I do with all this extra time? Pretty much anything I want.
Actually I find there is stil not enough time in the day.
You are the king! You can do whatever you want! If you want to quit you can do it.
Who cares why we must. We just must. Life ain't always fair but it could be worse.
You ain't missing out buddy. Unless you continue to drink then you are definitely missing out.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Eric. Congrats on your 5 days.
I agree with what the others have said - you have some excellent responses here. I drank 30 yrs. Could not imagine my life without it. I was sure nothing would be fun or exciting, ever again. In the beginning, the months after getting sober, I was bored & restless too. I had killed so many hours being numb & foggy - in my own little world of oblivion. It was a challenge to find sober activities and thoughts - but eventually it happened. I knew if I tried yet again to be a social drinker I was going to invite chaos into my life. I had to learn to live in a new way. As you heal and grow stronger I predict your resentment will fade. It's early yet - you're still making a huge adjustment. Be patient with yourself.
The thing I was sure I couldn't live without rarely crosses my mind these days. No one could have convinced me that would ever happen.
I agree with what the others have said - you have some excellent responses here. I drank 30 yrs. Could not imagine my life without it. I was sure nothing would be fun or exciting, ever again. In the beginning, the months after getting sober, I was bored & restless too. I had killed so many hours being numb & foggy - in my own little world of oblivion. It was a challenge to find sober activities and thoughts - but eventually it happened. I knew if I tried yet again to be a social drinker I was going to invite chaos into my life. I had to learn to live in a new way. As you heal and grow stronger I predict your resentment will fade. It's early yet - you're still making a huge adjustment. Be patient with yourself.
The thing I was sure I couldn't live without rarely crosses my mind these days. No one could have convinced me that would ever happen.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
The second thing I was freed of was the thinking that drinking played a vital role in my life, and without it my life was missing something. I wasn't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 80
Today is day 21 for me and I am having lots of the same feelings that others have expressed regarding the "hole" in my life being gone regarding drinking. It is actually being filled in if that makes sense. This is a good thread. Lots of insight.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I could’ve written that post my first few months too. I remember reading that it gets better and eventually there comes a point that your weekends are full with so much to do and so little time sober! Well it turns out that is true. Early sobriety is hard. You’re healing your body and it’s screaming for booze and trying to even out. In Early recovery while I enjoyed NOT working on the weekends, I used to dread the weekend because I couldn’t have my drinks. I decided to succeed I couldn’t be around drinking based gatherings either. My witching hour ended about 9 pm, so sometimes…I just went to bed pouting super early. Now things are better! I enjoy getting up earlier than thee rest of the world for hiking, and breakfast. Getting errands done. Actually can book back to back events because I won’t be too drunk or hungover from the last one. During Covid lockdowns I got back into console gaming and actually finished games. One day out of the blue the joy of music came back, just like before when I was a drinker. So hang in there. It’s worth it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Okay, So I'm now on Day Six. Could a Moderator change the title of my thread please as this seems to be doing a lot of good and I'd like to continue the same thread rather than keep making more.
It's 7.50am here in the UK, last night I didn't drink alcohol and at the moment am feeling fantastic about it. Like yesterday I'm aware that this will be short lived and by 3pm onwards my head will start asking questions about why I'm not drinking. This place yesterday was a great help actually so I'm going to pop on throughout the day for that added motivation.
We didn't end up going on that long walk last night because the heavens opened and it rained all evening, instead we had a bit of retail therapy and we went to the UK's equivalent to what you call the mall. Found it pretty easy to whittle away the time in there actually as my wife obviously enjoys browsing in the shops and for the first time in my life I was actually happy for her to take as long as possible in each shop. Drink never even crossed my mind once yet only a week earlier we'd been in the same place and I'd been rushing her out of the door at 7.15pm to get home to start drinking.
I'm thankful I did that last week because it helped my wife see how this poison had a grip of me.
Mods can you please change the thread title to Six days please.
It's 7.50am here in the UK, last night I didn't drink alcohol and at the moment am feeling fantastic about it. Like yesterday I'm aware that this will be short lived and by 3pm onwards my head will start asking questions about why I'm not drinking. This place yesterday was a great help actually so I'm going to pop on throughout the day for that added motivation.
We didn't end up going on that long walk last night because the heavens opened and it rained all evening, instead we had a bit of retail therapy and we went to the UK's equivalent to what you call the mall. Found it pretty easy to whittle away the time in there actually as my wife obviously enjoys browsing in the shops and for the first time in my life I was actually happy for her to take as long as possible in each shop. Drink never even crossed my mind once yet only a week earlier we'd been in the same place and I'd been rushing her out of the door at 7.15pm to get home to start drinking.
I'm thankful I did that last week because it helped my wife see how this poison had a grip of me.
Mods can you please change the thread title to Six days please.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Nooooooo! Evening’s boring? You must find ASAP an activity to fill those evenings. That’s the beauty of not drinking. You now have more time to do something way better.
No one’s ever told me this, nor have I seen it written anywhere, but I don’t believe it’s possible to just quit alcohol and change nothing else. At least one other thing has to change for quitting to stand a chance. I started going to the gym and studying and took it from there. I can’t even watch TV for long anymore.
As for your point about not drinking again, it came as a shock to me too. I’d go as far as heartbreaking. No sugar coating this, you’ve now got two choices. You can either stop drinking totally or be an out of control drinker. Google alcohol and GABA receptors. Our brains have been altered irreversibly by years of drinking. We can’t be occasional drinkers again.
Think about an activity to replace the drinking. You’re saving a load of money now. Spend it on you. Well done.
No one’s ever told me this, nor have I seen it written anywhere, but I don’t believe it’s possible to just quit alcohol and change nothing else. At least one other thing has to change for quitting to stand a chance. I started going to the gym and studying and took it from there. I can’t even watch TV for long anymore.
As for your point about not drinking again, it came as a shock to me too. I’d go as far as heartbreaking. No sugar coating this, you’ve now got two choices. You can either stop drinking totally or be an out of control drinker. Google alcohol and GABA receptors. Our brains have been altered irreversibly by years of drinking. We can’t be occasional drinkers again.
Think about an activity to replace the drinking. You’re saving a load of money now. Spend it on you. Well done.
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