Where do you begin…
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
Where do you begin…
Where to start… I want to begin my sobriety journey but there is always a excuse to put it off and before you know it you are awaiting the start of the journey for over a year…. Can someone advise first steps in breaking the habit and breaking plans that were made with friends that include drinking alcohol…
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Wel17! It's different for everyone, but you'll get some great ideas here. This was an excellent start!
For me the first thing was really thinking about it deeply. I thought about all the things alcohol is taking from me, how I am tired of being sick all the time, the trouble I got into, the relationships I spoiled or let dry up. All that mess. And I realized it was because of drinking, and that I couldn't drink just one or two.
Then, I reached out here first and got some ideas and some hope and support. And acted on them. I realized that it doesn't go away because I want it to, or because I'm tired of it. I have to take action.
I hope you have a magnificent journey. It will be hard sometimes, but so wonderful at other times, and it gets better.
For me the first thing was really thinking about it deeply. I thought about all the things alcohol is taking from me, how I am tired of being sick all the time, the trouble I got into, the relationships I spoiled or let dry up. All that mess. And I realized it was because of drinking, and that I couldn't drink just one or two.
Then, I reached out here first and got some ideas and some hope and support. And acted on them. I realized that it doesn't go away because I want it to, or because I'm tired of it. I have to take action.
I hope you have a magnificent journey. It will be hard sometimes, but so wonderful at other times, and it gets better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
Thank you for your lovely reply, I am arguing whether to break away from the triggers which are closest friends and sort my own self first, I’m already arguing with the devil on my shoulder about this coming weekend as I had arranged a day out which involved drinking a truck load of wine. And worried that if I cancel my friend will be upset with me and that I can’t explain this situation to her as she will not understand how I am feeling and suffering
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Are you interested in the twelve steps? I love them, but some don't. The first step is admitting you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable. Don't make too much of it, it's very important, vitally, but it's also very simple. You are saying that drinking is messing up your life but you can't stop on your own.
Coming here is really a good step. Reach out to your local AA group, too, if your inclined to. Just type in 'AA meetings near me' in your google.
As for the drinking social stuff, I would avoid it completely until I felt more stable. Today is day 6 for me, and I'm staying clear of it. Your friend will understand, or if she gets mad she will get over it. If she's a good friend, she may even support your recovery!
Coming here is really a good step. Reach out to your local AA group, too, if your inclined to. Just type in 'AA meetings near me' in your google.
As for the drinking social stuff, I would avoid it completely until I felt more stable. Today is day 6 for me, and I'm staying clear of it. Your friend will understand, or if she gets mad she will get over it. If she's a good friend, she may even support your recovery!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
Thank you sober365 - even just the interaction is a big help! Makes u feel less lonely - alcohol has and always will have a big impact on all of our lives when we succumb to the dark side of it using all our spare cash getting us in debts etc
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
That is the tough part about being an addict - we put our own health and welfare and future last on the list of importance. When did drinking with pals just to please them become more important than our own health? So maddening all of it, but that is what we eventually become. Subservient to the manufactured happiness of others and to alcohol. Subservient to everything other than our own peace and happiness.
You don't have to go shouting anything from the mountain tops, but you need to tell your drinking crowd that you are having a few health problems and need to abstain from drinking. You don't owe them any more explanation than that and the ones that are true friends still will be and the ones that were not will move on down the drunken road without you.
Then the most important step is to stop drinking today. You can do it. I did it after drinking hard for 30 years, the last 10 at insane levels. If I can do it, by definition, anyone can. I just reached a point at which I wanted to feel healthy again and I knew that would never happen if I had another sip of alcohol the rest of my life.
Welcome to SR.
You don't have to go shouting anything from the mountain tops, but you need to tell your drinking crowd that you are having a few health problems and need to abstain from drinking. You don't owe them any more explanation than that and the ones that are true friends still will be and the ones that were not will move on down the drunken road without you.
Then the most important step is to stop drinking today. You can do it. I did it after drinking hard for 30 years, the last 10 at insane levels. If I can do it, by definition, anyone can. I just reached a point at which I wanted to feel healthy again and I knew that would never happen if I had another sip of alcohol the rest of my life.
Welcome to SR.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Decide you are not going to drink again, even if you want to , it is 100% doable. Anything , thought or feeling, that says otherwise is the addiction talking and trying to stay alive. Starve It out, you got this , rootin for ya.
Reading about RR/AVRT here in the Secular forum on SR is what cemented and clarified this mindset for me, I highly recommend a perusal.
Reading about RR/AVRT here in the Secular forum on SR is what cemented and clarified this mindset for me, I highly recommend a perusal.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think that early recovery is a time to focus on yourself and your sobriety. It's a time to be selfish and to accept that it's okay to break plans with friends when drinking is involved. You can learn to say 'No' and feel okay about it. Learning to say 'No' was a huge thing for me in the early days of recovery.
I'd suggest getting rid of all alcohol in your home. Sit down and make a plan for what you will do in the early days, during the times you would have been drinking. For me, that time was right after supper and early evening. So, I began going outside right after cleaning up and walking a lot.
You can do this!
I'd suggest getting rid of all alcohol in your home. Sit down and make a plan for what you will do in the early days, during the times you would have been drinking. For me, that time was right after supper and early evening. So, I began going outside right after cleaning up and walking a lot.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Welcome Wel17! Glad to have you here. Couple steps to this process.
The first step is understanding and acknowledging there is a problem. It is very important to do that, because all other action rests on that foundation. If in fact we do have a problem, as evidenced primarily by an inability to control the amount we drink once we start, then the answer is simple - we have to stop. Moderation will simply not work. Ask me how I know that. And if we acknowledge it is a problem, and causing us bad consequences, then it is easier to stick with it when the going gets tough. And it will for awhile.
The second step is simple, but will take some effort. It will be well worth it though. You simply have to quit. I remember how terrifying it seemed to do that, but it was not as bad as I imagined. There are some physical withdrawal symptoms, depending on how much and how long you've been drinking, but that only lasts for a week at most. Then it is a matter of not slipping back, which is the difficult part. The tendency is to think "oh I didn't really have a problem", which is why the first step becomes so important.
It is also very important to put yourself first. This addiction can kill you. Take it seriously. Read the stories of other's experience on here. Tell your "friends" you have decided to put your health and your life first. Then do it.
We are here to help you.
The first step is understanding and acknowledging there is a problem. It is very important to do that, because all other action rests on that foundation. If in fact we do have a problem, as evidenced primarily by an inability to control the amount we drink once we start, then the answer is simple - we have to stop. Moderation will simply not work. Ask me how I know that. And if we acknowledge it is a problem, and causing us bad consequences, then it is easier to stick with it when the going gets tough. And it will for awhile.
The second step is simple, but will take some effort. It will be well worth it though. You simply have to quit. I remember how terrifying it seemed to do that, but it was not as bad as I imagined. There are some physical withdrawal symptoms, depending on how much and how long you've been drinking, but that only lasts for a week at most. Then it is a matter of not slipping back, which is the difficult part. The tendency is to think "oh I didn't really have a problem", which is why the first step becomes so important.
It is also very important to put yourself first. This addiction can kill you. Take it seriously. Read the stories of other's experience on here. Tell your "friends" you have decided to put your health and your life first. Then do it.
We are here to help you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
Reading your positive posts and responses to my cry for help, have brought a very emotional tear to my eye. Thank you all so much for taking time out ur day to help a complete stranger! First day nearly done it’s the breaking of plans with friends and the learning to say NO and not feel guilty that I am going to find very hard, with my drinking comes the not being able to stop then the next few days after the dark thoughts the money wasted etc it’s a horrible cycle to get urself into
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I don't think it would be awful of you if you tell your friends that you are not feeling well and need to cancel this weekend.
Honesty is super important, but looking after you needs to be your no 1 priority right now.
xx
Honesty is super important, but looking after you needs to be your no 1 priority right now.
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
This is definitely long overdue breaking the habit and becoming the best version of myself but the dark side and thoughts take over and the alcohol helped mask a lot of pain and grief I was enduring, I need to put big girl pants on and get on with moving forward day by day
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Think the best of your friends. Believe that they care about you and want what’s best for you. Tell them you’re going to try to cut back on drinking as you need to focus on that because it’s an important goal in your life. If they love you, they’ll support you. If not, well at least you learned something about them.
But either way, you have to do what’s best for you since you’re the only one that can. Getting sober can be kind of lonely, but it is also a period of tremendous growth.
Very smart of you to start here. You will hear wide and varying input, but I would say that most of us here on the SR board cherish the sobriety and sanity found by removing the scourge of alcohol from our lives.
But either way, you have to do what’s best for you since you’re the only one that can. Getting sober can be kind of lonely, but it is also a period of tremendous growth.
Very smart of you to start here. You will hear wide and varying input, but I would say that most of us here on the SR board cherish the sobriety and sanity found by removing the scourge of alcohol from our lives.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
I do feel good that my first step of ever reaching out has been on here and do believe I can do it, my partner works away with work so it’s weekend binging I find difficult … saying no and wanting to concentrate on my health and wealth is good but it’s the devil on ur shoulder when it comes to the Friday habit and then Saturday habit
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
So, what you can do is plan, plan, plan. Make plans for this weekend doing things that will keep you away from alcohol. Spend time with family/friends who don't drink. Meet up with them for coffee. Go for a hike and reconnect with nature. These are things that will help you get through the weekend. We do understand how hard this is.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Welcome aboard
I may not know you personally, but as far as drinking does, I'd say we know each other pretty well
Your putting your intentions in writing and reaching out, that's an awesome start.
A few things that helped me personally:
-I gave up on trying to moderate my intake. Thinking I will be able to moderate was the thought that almost always occurred before I relapsed into drinking. I decided that moderation will never work, because after the first drink, my good intentions go out the window.
-I looked at myself as if I was a toddler. I had to put on my big girl pants, like you say, and speak to the little girl inside who was still having tantrums.
-I learned about what the Addictive Voice (AV) is. I separated it from the REAL me.
-I was on SR constantly, absorbing information from others who've been down this road. There are some extremely wise people on here who know how to do Sober in a very positive way.
-I took (and still take) the time to make note of the positive things that are happening because I'm sober. They can easily be missed when the AV is trying to get out of it's cage.
-I binge watched TV and ate tons of sugar for the first 6 months. For me, it worked, because low sugar plays a role in keeping the urges at bay.
Most of all, I had to stay connected to the way I felt on day one of my quit. So being sober is like a full time job at first. The most important job you will ever do.
I drank daily for many years thinking I could never be quit as happy without my fix...that thought kept me in the loop. It's false. I'm much happier and emotionally stable without alcohol.
Stay close!
I may not know you personally, but as far as drinking does, I'd say we know each other pretty well Your putting your intentions in writing and reaching out, that's an awesome start.
A few things that helped me personally:
-I gave up on trying to moderate my intake. Thinking I will be able to moderate was the thought that almost always occurred before I relapsed into drinking. I decided that moderation will never work, because after the first drink, my good intentions go out the window.
-I looked at myself as if I was a toddler. I had to put on my big girl pants, like you say, and speak to the little girl inside who was still having tantrums.
-I learned about what the Addictive Voice (AV) is. I separated it from the REAL me.
-I was on SR constantly, absorbing information from others who've been down this road. There are some extremely wise people on here who know how to do Sober in a very positive way.
-I took (and still take) the time to make note of the positive things that are happening because I'm sober. They can easily be missed when the AV is trying to get out of it's cage.
-I binge watched TV and ate tons of sugar for the first 6 months. For me, it worked, because low sugar plays a role in keeping the urges at bay.
Most of all, I had to stay connected to the way I felt on day one of my quit. So being sober is like a full time job at first. The most important job you will ever do.
I drank daily for many years thinking I could never be quit as happy without my fix...that thought kept me in the loop. It's false. I'm much happier and emotionally stable without alcohol.
Stay close!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
I guess i would liken it to starting a diet, i would look to set a start date and have a plan of action. For me i could not just stop drinking and sit back and twiddle my thumbs so i needed to change my routine. I went to AA for support and to be in contact with people in some way, i told my friends that i had decided to go on a health kick (get fit, lose weight, body detox...you choose) which gave me an excellent reason to bow out of social events for a while, started exercise with walking as i was quite unfit (or lazy i can't tell in hindsight!) but quickly built that up, treated myself gently and with compassion, went to see a counsellor, etc.
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