2muchpain

We all have to deal with both the good and the not so good with our situations. For me, I have no family nearby or close friends, so my time is mine. I can do what I want with nobody getting in my way. I enjoy this freedom. I used to be surrounded by family and it was very stressful. I don't have to deal with that anymore, but as I get older, having people that care around me is something I miss. Having to deal with prostrate cancer on my own was a real wakeup call. Luckily I was taught at a very young age to take care of myself so that helps. I know the day will come where I will have to connect with facilities that can take care of my needs, but it would of been nice to have other people to help me with that. Having others opinions with this major change would of helped. But enough of my self pity.
I know what it's like to be surrounded be a family that is controlling and won't let you be who you are, and I think that's much worse. I moved away from that situation so that I could be me, but like all choices there is always a downside. I miss all the get togethers. I miss the barbeques, holiday get togethers, the fun time we had. But I was drowning. I was so happy when my mother moved to California to be close to me. We had a great 5 years until she passed away. I'll never regret moving from my family but I do miss getting together for Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc, I just wish they praised me for my accomplishments and not focus on my faults. John

Anna

John, I'm sorry you feel alone as you're dealing with prostate cancer. Maybe you could work on developing some friendships so that you had someone in your corner. And, you might give or receive an invitation for Thanksgiving or Christmas. And, you have lots of friends here at SR who care about you.

Steely

I understand the feeling 2muchpain.

I'm sorry you had to go through prostate cancer on your own. That's a lonely experience. Did you not receive help from community health services? Not the same as family and friends, I know.

I've just had to get out there and 'do it', John. I'm not doing a lot, but starting to become engaged. There really is no other way. No one is going to do it for me.

Art galleries and stuff have group get togethers. Coffee and talk. Look at art.

Many things similar.

It's miserable being on own all of the time. Branch out. Reach out.

Dee74

Always good to hear from you John tho I'm sorry you're a bit low.

Are you still involved in AA? I seem to recall they have lots of BBQs and get togethers, tho maybe COVID has changed that.
Getting into areas of interest or hobbies may help too.

Hopefully there will be more opportunities for social occasions in the post COVID world.

least

Sending you a

advbike

Sorry you are lonely John. I understand, having been on my own a good part of my life. I definitely can relate to the difficulties with family, probably one reason I first started moving around and have lived in so many locations. For the most part I have enjoyed it, but it does get lonely during the times when there isn't a special person in the picture. That must have been very difficult with the cancer.

As suggested by others, try to make some close friends. I have found it easiest with shared hobbies and interests. Some places this is easier than others though. Have you considered dating to find a long term partner?

Jillian2563

As Dee suggested, AA might be a great outlet! The meetings near me have all kinds of get togethers! I think it would be a great place for you to connect with people and also open up about how lonely you are. I’m so sorry you are going through all these things alone. It sounds like you’ve kicked cancers ass?

dustyfox

Hi 2muchpain - sorry things feel bleak at the moment - have you tried looking around at any groups that meet in your area, I don't know how old you are but you mentioned 'getting older' there may be groups for older people to join, I don't know of you have a faith but Church or other place of worship can be a good way to meet people. Or just maybe post a bit more about yourself here - it's a nice place full of good people.

2muchpain

I've tried coming up with a hobby but can't find anything that sticks. Haven't been to an AA meeting in a long time. Tried really hard to connect with the people at the meetings, but it never worked out. Was really hoping it would work. Don't know why it didn't. Finally after many years, just gave up. Was just too painful to keep failing. Just made me feel lonlier. Never understood why people at those meetings wouldn't accept me. Just couldn't deal with the rejection anymore. John

dustyfox

John, what do you enjoy, walking, reading, sport, art, nature...it's sometimes hard just to pick a hobby but try and think about what you enjoy, or used to..it's just helpful to put some structure into a day to help combat cravings.

2muchpain

I looked up a meetups site for boomers that travel. Turns out it is very expensive. I thought if people travel together that the cost would go down but it doesn't. I really love live performances. Doesn't matter the venue but there's not much going on in my area. Looked into senior activities in my area, but there's not much there. Love to join a group of people my e my age but it's difficult to find. I can't be the only one in my situation so go figure. That's why I've been looking into senior communities. They offer many social activities. They even offer community lunches and dinners. This is what I'm looking at when I completely retire. John

dustyfox

John, Why don't you just go anything at all, if you don't like it you could just leave - but at least you will be getting out there!

Aellyce

Could you maybe initiate such ideas for shared activities? E.g. come up with something you would enjoy and post on meetup, looking for mates for it. See if others show up when you initiate, instead of trying to find and/or follow? Especially if you are open to traveling - it would indeed be surprising if there weren't other seniors with similar interests. Could even look for sober seniors that way, if that's important.

The cost of transportation and entertainment may not be cheaper for groups than individuals, but surely some shared accommodations can be? If you are adventurous enough to take risks with people you don't know well...

Berrybean

I remember feeling very lonely when I moved to a new area coming up to a year sober. In the end I looked at things I could volunteer for that helped me feel a bit more connected to people in the community. I also went to church and got involved there, although I know that's not for everyone.

Is there any local meetups in your area for walking or similar. Im not sure where in the world you are but in the UK there is a meetup website via www.meetup.com
Book groups, walking groups etc.

BB

Boondock

Around here they have activities for boomers at the community center, they have social clubs, dances, cards and they also rent charter buses and go on trips....Just an idea

kittencat

Keep doing it don't give up. Okay, I have a different view on what I will do when I retire, but I am currently living in a retirement community, 55+. I think that would be an ideal place for you to retire. Why not retire now? Life is way too short to wait. So short.
I'll add again tomorrow John, I'm very tired now. x

MythOfSisyphus

I can sympathize. While I've had some good friends in my life and a good relationship with my family things change as I get older. Now I live 1,000 miles from my nearest family member. The pandemic was a bit rough, with pretty much zero social contact with people for nearly a year. And as I get older, old friends and family members are passing away. In the back of my mind I always knew they were there for me even if I didn't really take the time to interact with them like I should have. Increasingly they're dying off.

Once my shoulder is healed and I can get back to work it should help. Work has always been my social outlet. I'm also thinking about trying to start a new gaming group locally, running an old-school D&D or AD&D game.

2muchpain

Great advice!! I've looked into several retire communities a few years ago. They all were nice, but I noticed that most of the people there were much older than me. When I went to one place, the lady actually told me she thought I was checking the place out for my parents!! Most of the people there were in their 80's. Most had a lot of social activities, including eating at a dining hall. I'm hoping that in a few more years, I'll feel like I fit in more. John

2muchpain

I will look into it. John

BeABetterMan

I too live a pretty solitary life, with few people that care about me. The only ones that care are 13 years old or younger. But like you, the option of spending time with family, in my case a toxic one, is an even worse option. I guess you could say I'm spiritual though because I have faith that God will put the right people in my life in the right time. Though that is going on about 3 years since having a support system. Kind of sucks. But I will play these cards I'm dealt and cope the best way I can. I wish you the best.