Where do you begin…
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
Do what's right for you, no matter what your friends say about it. You've got to put yourself and your needs first. I hope you'll find the support here useful and will use it to get and stay sober for good. 
Do what's right for you, no matter what your friends say about it. You've got to put yourself and your needs first. I hope you'll find the support here useful and will use it to get and stay sober for good. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Hi Wel17,
Are you carrying this burden alone or do others know you have a problem with alcohol. It starts to become easier when we make our intentions clear to those around us. Not everyone, but people we are close to. If anything like me, everyone knew already.
Action is the first step Wel, how do you think you'd go in declining the invitation? Make excuse? Ever thought of going to an AA meeting to start? I used to attend in early sobriety and it helped a lot. People who understand and support. Now, feeling more comfortable in my sobriety, only use SR. Adiictions counsellor a good idea too. I've done that too. Anything that worked towards sobriety. Sanity.
Guess all I'm saying is that making positive steps, any steps towards sobriety is the way to go. Also being open and honest with those closest to us removes the awful burden. Generally you will receive support.
If you're unable at present time to take up on any of the suggestions, keep coming here, no matter what.
Sober is so much better.
Welcome to SR.
Action stations!
Are you carrying this burden alone or do others know you have a problem with alcohol. It starts to become easier when we make our intentions clear to those around us. Not everyone, but people we are close to. If anything like me, everyone knew already.
Action is the first step Wel, how do you think you'd go in declining the invitation? Make excuse? Ever thought of going to an AA meeting to start? I used to attend in early sobriety and it helped a lot. People who understand and support. Now, feeling more comfortable in my sobriety, only use SR. Adiictions counsellor a good idea too. I've done that too. Anything that worked towards sobriety. Sanity.
Guess all I'm saying is that making positive steps, any steps towards sobriety is the way to go. Also being open and honest with those closest to us removes the awful burden. Generally you will receive support.
If you're unable at present time to take up on any of the suggestions, keep coming here, no matter what.
Sober is so much better.
Welcome to SR.
Action stations!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 1,599
Hi Wei17.
Definitely tell your friend you are under the weather and can't make it. Being a people pleaser was part of why I drank in the first place so I hear you on this. Your friend might get mad or have a negative reaction. There isn't anything you can do about that. Sometimes our friendships are built on drinking. That's a tough one. If Friday/Saturday's trigger days for you, plan some alternate activities ahead of time, whether by yourself at home or with friends/family who aren't centered on drinking. There are 24/7 AA zoom meetings, including one just for women. You can zoom in at any time of the day or night and just sit and listen to how people are living without alcohol. There are all kinds of recovery systems and groups out there. Maybe try a few out and see what you think. There is also "quit lit" if you like to read, and shows like Intervention. I consumed those at a great rate when I first started trying to get sober. It gave me something to occupy myself with instead of drinking after work every day. At the very least, keep checking in here with us and let us know how you are going. There is always someone here!
Definitely tell your friend you are under the weather and can't make it. Being a people pleaser was part of why I drank in the first place so I hear you on this. Your friend might get mad or have a negative reaction. There isn't anything you can do about that. Sometimes our friendships are built on drinking. That's a tough one. If Friday/Saturday's trigger days for you, plan some alternate activities ahead of time, whether by yourself at home or with friends/family who aren't centered on drinking. There are 24/7 AA zoom meetings, including one just for women. You can zoom in at any time of the day or night and just sit and listen to how people are living without alcohol. There are all kinds of recovery systems and groups out there. Maybe try a few out and see what you think. There is also "quit lit" if you like to read, and shows like Intervention. I consumed those at a great rate when I first started trying to get sober. It gave me something to occupy myself with instead of drinking after work every day. At the very least, keep checking in here with us and let us know how you are going. There is always someone here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
This is amazing advice, the voice is already there starting it’s nonsense! I just want it to stop - for it to leave me to enjoy my life with my family instead of ruining free weekends that I could spend with my daughter laughing than lying on the couch rough!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
I began the same way you are.
By posting here.
Now just read, ask questions, rant about what's bothering you, listen to others who have been there and have succeeded in getting out of the cycle of addiction, and most important, do not drink no matter what.
The voice does get much easier with time and a firm resolve to stay alcohol free.
Just let it know you don't drink anymore and trying to convince you to take a drink is a waste of time.
We are always here
By posting here.
Now just read, ask questions, rant about what's bothering you, listen to others who have been there and have succeeded in getting out of the cycle of addiction, and most important, do not drink no matter what.
The voice does get much easier with time and a firm resolve to stay alcohol free.
Just let it know you don't drink anymore and trying to convince you to take a drink is a waste of time.
We are always here
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Wel17 
Where to start… I want to begin my sobriety journey but there is always a excuse to put it off and before you know it you are awaiting the start of the journey for over a year…. Can someone advise first steps in breaking the habit and breaking plans that were made with friends that include drinking alcohol…
There are 11 clear steps thereafter.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Wel17
This is amazing advice, the voice is already there starting it’s nonsense! I just want it to stop - for it to leave me to enjoy my life with my family instead of ruining free weekends that I could spend with my daughter laughing than lying on the couch rough!
That is the truth and it is my reality. Thinking it was going to go away after years of making alcohol my go-to choice for everything I did? No, that wasn't a reasonable desire. I drank for years. All my activities were laced with alcohol. Every vacation, season change, day off, Happy Hour, party, get-togethers at restaurants. Cooking, cleaning, camping. Happy, sad, frustrated, mad, celebrations, disasters. You name it, I drank during it. Everything was infused.
It took time for those thoughts to disentangle. Time to break habits and associations. A lot of time. Longer than I wanted. Heck, I'm over seven years sober and I still have a thought of drinking every now and then. It is very easy to dismiss the thought now - I've had a lot of practice.
I kept saying, "No. I don't drink." over and over. That works, the thought passes and each time I get that success it's a little bit stronger.
Keep it going. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Getting sober for me required fully realizing how bad my problem was and what it was doing to me. I thought I was well read on the subject, but I didn't know enough. I started going through counselors. This was somewhat helpful. I started reading more. Some of what I read resonated, and some while interesting didn't offer me much. I was sifting through a lot of reading and advice.
My biggest mistake was holding onto the idea that I could learn to moderate my intake like normal people; Maybe only for very special occasions like maybe once or twice a year and do it with grace like others. When I finally accepted that I could never have another drink for the rest of my life was what I consider the beginning of my recovery. I embraced that fully and I began the process.
In desperation, I went to AA. The people were friendly, and quite open about their problem. Unlike my peers who seemed to reassure me that I could get better if I just slowed down drinking as much as I did, the AA group talked about the problem, and they offered solutions that went beyond the program's philosophy. The philosophy and the religion part I ignored. But the nightly meetings seemed to get me through the cravings, and gave me an alternative environment to the bars and liquor stores. I went every night for the next year.
The worst part is getting through the cravings. That was a nightmare at first, but without alcohol, those cravings quickly diminish to manageable levels, eventually becoming laughable ideas from a two year old. After that, recovery became fun. I had to give up a few friends, but not all of them. Some understood my situation and accepted it, but most didn't understand recovery at all. They were happy I was sober, but still couldn't understand why I couldn't just modify my drinking habits. That seems hard for outsiders to get.
People in my AA group did understand, although many of them still struggled and could not manage to quit for long periods. Some had actually quit, and never drank again, and if they appeared sincerely happy to me, I paid attention. But I also picked up helpful information from those that could not succeed. I could never predict where those rare actually helpful tidbits would come from.
Recovery requires more than just what I mention here. It's an ongoing process, but you asked where to start. You have to start somewhere, but in my experience, there doesn't seem to be an end. I am still learning after 25 years. My opinion is that recovery ends when you get drunk, not when you reach some particular level of perfection, you can only keep getting better.
Perhaps there is something in this response that is helpful. Not all of it will be. Most of your recovery will come from inside you, not from outside sources, although those outside sources were indispensable (for me).
My biggest mistake was holding onto the idea that I could learn to moderate my intake like normal people; Maybe only for very special occasions like maybe once or twice a year and do it with grace like others. When I finally accepted that I could never have another drink for the rest of my life was what I consider the beginning of my recovery. I embraced that fully and I began the process.
In desperation, I went to AA. The people were friendly, and quite open about their problem. Unlike my peers who seemed to reassure me that I could get better if I just slowed down drinking as much as I did, the AA group talked about the problem, and they offered solutions that went beyond the program's philosophy. The philosophy and the religion part I ignored. But the nightly meetings seemed to get me through the cravings, and gave me an alternative environment to the bars and liquor stores. I went every night for the next year.
The worst part is getting through the cravings. That was a nightmare at first, but without alcohol, those cravings quickly diminish to manageable levels, eventually becoming laughable ideas from a two year old. After that, recovery became fun. I had to give up a few friends, but not all of them. Some understood my situation and accepted it, but most didn't understand recovery at all. They were happy I was sober, but still couldn't understand why I couldn't just modify my drinking habits. That seems hard for outsiders to get.
People in my AA group did understand, although many of them still struggled and could not manage to quit for long periods. Some had actually quit, and never drank again, and if they appeared sincerely happy to me, I paid attention. But I also picked up helpful information from those that could not succeed. I could never predict where those rare actually helpful tidbits would come from.
Recovery requires more than just what I mention here. It's an ongoing process, but you asked where to start. You have to start somewhere, but in my experience, there doesn't seem to be an end. I am still learning after 25 years. My opinion is that recovery ends when you get drunk, not when you reach some particular level of perfection, you can only keep getting better.
Perhaps there is something in this response that is helpful. Not all of it will be. Most of your recovery will come from inside you, not from outside sources, although those outside sources were indispensable (for me).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
Thank you all so much for the advice! Honestly means the world to me, tonight was a test I returned to work after being signed off for 4 weeks and the pressure was unreal which normally in the evening I would have a drink to relax but this evening I reached for a cup of tea
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I bet you were pleased with yourself when waking next morning Wel17. Its a great feeling knowing we got through another 'test' It becomes much easier with time. A way of life we want. Not sacrifice or loss as we believed in the beginnng. Who needs it! Ugh!
I think tea is terribly refined, don't you?
It becomes much easier with time. A way of life we want. Not sacrifice or loss as we believed in the beginnng. Who needs it! Ugh!I think tea is terribly refined, don't you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 42
Honestly cannot express the gratitude that I have for each and every single person that has taken the time to reply to me and share with me their own coping mechanisms and teaching me that recovery is a process and a way of life not just reaching a milestone - day 3 and feel nervous all the time! At work today it took my mind off the bottle but the minute ur in ur own home surroundings where the devil voice is all to comfy in jibing u to pick up the bottle it gets harder - I have finally mentioned to my husband about my choice and decision and he agrees and will be supportive here’s to day 4
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,508
We do not. We are grateful that you are reaching out to the community....
Yes, it is very normal in my experience. Takes some days for the alcohol to leave our systems....and our entire body/mind is trying to adjust. xx
Yes, it is very normal in my experience. Takes some days for the alcohol to leave our systems....and our entire body/mind is trying to adjust. xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,508
It sure isn't fun though.
But it is indeed a part of the process.....we can't move forward until we let go of the booze.
You are cleansing your body and soul.....so yes, that is pretty darn positive. ❤️
But it is indeed a part of the process.....we can't move forward until we let go of the booze.
You are cleansing your body and soul.....so yes, that is pretty darn positive.
❤️
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Withdrawal symptoms take many forms. The pit in your stomach could be a mild symptom. Whatever form they come in, you can get to other side of the feeling. Only you can know what your body is doing, but one guess might be some nerves that your AV is sending over the wire because you have deprived it of its favorite daily fuel of choice - booze. Usually you would already be experiencing some pretty intense physical withdrawal symptoms on Day 3 if that was going to happen to you, so that is encouraging.
It is so great that your spouse knows about this and is supportive. That built-in accountability is really helpful.
It is so great that your spouse knows about this and is supportive. That built-in accountability is really helpful.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
