Drunkwoman

Day 8 and I'm really struggling to forgive myself for things I did when I was drunk. For one, I started an argument with my partner for not telling me he was having a drink after work after looking up his location. That was the last mistake I made while drunk, there were many before that too. I always brushed them off as drunken mistakes and carried on drinking as always but now I'm not drinking those mistakes are feeling worse. Probably because I have to face reality now, I can't just go and have a drink and make another mistake to forget about the last one.

How did people get past these feelings? Any advise? Coping methods? How to forgive myself?

Thank you on advance.

Cityboy

I think we all went through that. I certainly did. With a little sober time, those feelings will become less intense.

Anna

Welcome! Great job on Day 8.

Yes, I think this is the hardest part of early recovery. All those incidents that I didn't really pay attention to when I was drinking, were now staring me in the face. But, what I can tell you is this - you must begin to forgive yourself or the negative thoughts will lead you back to drinking. For me, the forgiveness didn't happen all at once. It was more bit by bit and it was hard. Journalling helped me. Maya Angelou's words helped me too - 'I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better.'

Boondock

Hi, Give yourself some time for your emotions to get back to normal as in the early days they have a tendency to be heightened and somewhat all over the place. Try not to beat yourself up over things you can't change. The serenity prayer can help if you know it and apply it to your life. Congrats on 8 days....hang in there it gets better

Sober45

As you build up your sober time, the guilt fades. I'm almost 18 months sober and that it how it's happening for me. I still have some regrets but that self-loathing guilty feeling I lived with in the early days is gone. Why? Because I have a new 18 month old sober history to look back on and feel good about. Keep stacking up your days.

Sobriety has allowed me to make many good choices. It's crazy because at least once or twice a week I'm saying to myself "wow, If I were drinking now, I wouldn't have done it this way (a better way). "

I drank daily for many years. I lost interest in so many things. But today, I can take a nice meal and fall back on the couch after a days work and feel good, like I'm not missing out on anything, because I'm not!

Sending comforting, self-loving vibes your way!

Boondock

Oh yeah...Welcome, stick around for a while

Alysheba

Cityboy said it very well! And Boondock. I think those of us who do feel the remorse that a lot of us feel when we first get sober at some of the things we may have done to hurt people/situations or visa versa. As you learn to process those feelings either through AA or maybe therapy, sometimes we need some help with some of this stuff, you'll eventually learn to forgive, not forget, but to forgive yourself for your addiction, esp now that you're doing what you can to get sober. AA talks a lot about repairing the past and making amends. All positive stuff, but you need to be stronger and ready, a support system when you start that. Sometimes they don't always turn out how we may think they will. You'll likely need support, sounds like you could use some now.
Best of luck. Sending prayers and good vibes for your recovery!

Drunkwoman

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words! It's really comforting hearing that everyone has been in the same position as I am right now and how far you have all come since then. It's motivating and gives me hope. Well done to all of you for getting this far - hope I can join you one day

Boondock

You can if you stick to a recovery plan and don't continue the familiar cycle of ....Get **** faced, self flagellate, feel better, repeat.
I'm guessing that's where your at I might be wrong..

Steely

Hi Drunkwoman,

Congratulations on 8 days.

No, you can't go have another drink to forget about that last mistake, that's the biggest mistake you could make. A never ending accumulation of mistakes and regret. You don't have to do that anymore, even if it's painful and difficult to absorb it's the very path you need to be travelling. Just as you know.

I still make mistakes, but they are human, not drunken, mistakes. I have choice now. Mistakes just like everyone else, and as we go we learn. And it gets better.

As your sober time builds and your feelings of self worth improve (it'll happen), forgiveness will happen. An important step in nurturing your new found sobriety would to find and keep connection with others who have been through same. Coming here is a first step, and I hope you continue to post. We care. All of us have been there.

Soon your username will change

fishkiller

Welcome
Good work on Day8!

Been there.
For me realizing I was on the path to no longer make stupid drunken mistakes helped..

Can't change who I was but I can change who I am.

Dee74

Welcome aboard DW

The more I lived a sober life the less my old drinking life gnawed at me - you'll be OK.

D

LadyBug66

Congrats on 8 days! The anxiety over the things you've done in the drunken past will get better! Gosh! I remember just breaking out in a sweat thinking of the stuff I did while drunk! Now, I really don't think about it much except when I'm tempted to drink because I am remembering that first couple of drinks buzz... I force myself to remember the day after and how awful I felt. Hang in there, it does get better! I'm 3 1/2 years sober.

Wastinglife

I can relate. I ruminate constantly about my drunken misdeeds. Often I will be doing something benign like brushing my teeth and a memory pops into my head out of nowhere. It's never a happy memory. Always something regrettable that happened when I was drunk. I often don't have a clear memory after a night of drinking so I tend to catastrophize things that may not have been a big deal.

Surrendered19

Hi Drunkwoman. Tough stuff for sure. The bad news is that those memories will always bother you. They still bother me. But the good news is that as you heal and your mental and physical health continue to improve, those memories will take their proper place in your life. They'll eventually be like a scar that will always be a part of you, but the scar fades and just becomes something special about you. In time you will even use those memories to support others and to remember from whence you came. Our futures are bright but we will always be people with histories. Everyone is. Not just us addicts. But as with all people, including our heroes, we either use our past to learn and grow, or we wallow in it.

D122y

When I used to drink my problems melted away. After a few drinks, things that were bothering me didn't bother me anymore.

I would wake up in the morning and then I had problems again and now I was hungover.

Since I work out as much as my body can stand, I get a solid amount of dopamine and adrenaline. These natural drugs get me high. My problems melt away. The next day the only hangover I have is sore muscles, but instead of feeling like a drunk, I feel like a winner.

It all starts with day 1. Then the work out days add up. The body gets stronger and stronger. The booze addiction fades away.

I still crave off and on, but I love love love being a clean man.

My energy is solid. I emmit good vibes and get them back.

Thanks.

Mizz

Treat yourself like you would your best friend. Would you want your best friend to feel such guilt and remorse? Would you forgive your best friend of their mistake? I would. I think you would. You are okay. Did your partner forgive you? I think they probably did.

One thing I am able to do is make a living amends to those I have hurt. This sober road is to show myself and those I love that I am not that drunken mess of a person. I felt the weight of that messy person for awhile and then I moved forward. Allow yourself to move forward. We all make mistakes.

Time does heal wounds. Truly.

least

It took me a few months before the depressive effects of my drinking began to fade. When I was newly sober, I was horrified to think of what I had done and the risks I had taken.

One thing I would suggest, to help with your sobriety and also your whole life, is to practice gratitude every day. I found that it strengthened my sobriety and made me happier all around. Give it a try. It helped me a great deal.

DriGuy

I still remember many of my drunk mistakes, but so much of that stuff I must have buried. It seems like there's a dumpster full of them, and I can still see so many that I realize there are too many to count. Now psych experts tell us we are not supposed to bury this stuff, but that we should dredge it up and confront it and fix it. Well, that would be great if I lived another 200 years, but I'm not going to live that long, and I've got better things to do. I'll let much of it go. It's my past. I'll just confess to myself that I was immature, sometimes a loser, sometimes a jerk, unaware, and most of all a stupid drunk.

If some memory comes up and slams me in the face, I'll deal with it if it won't go away, so that I can continue to move on and enjoy new friends and my sober life. I can still meditate on the moment and move forward while I forget and forgive my past. I screwed up my life, and I suffered for it each time I did. There's still work to be done in my personal growth, and I'll put most of my energy into that.

I can't tell others what to do with their past. There are probably many ways to deal with it, but I don't believe beating yourself up does a lot of good.

Cityboy

I feel that it is in order to clarify that, speaking for me at least, I can't put off all the poor choices and stupid or hurtful things I've done on alcohol. But either way, drinking was definitely a coping mechanism. Then came additional things done or said that would lead to more guilt.

After a year and a half of being sober and thinking more clearly about things, I can see how there were often factors other than my poor choices and actions. Of course other factors don't get me off the hook, but it helps to process the past and try to turn it into positives moving forward.