I messed up
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by boondock 
i'm guessing the glass was a regular serving of wine. I used to date a lady who would tell people " yeah i had a couple glasses of wine last night and relaxed" and i'd be sitting there thinking those weren't glasses they were goblets each containing about half a bottle!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by novips
I posted the below in response to someone else who relapsed. Reposting here in case it helps.
Your experience is very common. As the Big Book describes it:
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
And yet:
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.
I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic whose only hope is Alcoholics Anonymous -- and I am one of those alcoholics. PM me if you want to chat more about that.
Your experience is very common. As the Big Book describes it:
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
And yet:
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.
I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic whose only hope is Alcoholics Anonymous -- and I am one of those alcoholics. PM me if you want to chat more about that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Steely
Might have to soften my language. 
I don't think he was being Machiavellian bim , probably does just like to share a drink. But why wine? Again, not Machiavellian, just doesn't want to lose a drinking partner. Selfish maybe? Agree clueless.
Onwards, ever onwards.
I don't think he was being Machiavellian bim , probably does just like to share a drink. But why wine? Again, not Machiavellian, just doesn't want to lose a drinking partner. Selfish maybe? Agree clueless.
Onwards, ever onwards.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by freedomfries
Well done on stopping at two glasses. You made a mistake but didn't let it completely derail you. And you came back here and posted. Good for you.
I confess immediately when I’ve made a mistake. I can’t deal with the guilt of knowing I’ve done something wrong
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Kitten. Living with/dating a drinker is very challenging. My husband drinks pretty much every night. It does make sobriety very challenging. I posted to you in May thread before seeing this one. I’m glad you stopped drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by kittencat
Thank you, bimini.
I don’t count days. I will stay in my May class. x
I don’t count days. I will stay in my May class. x
I know you can do this, because you did it before. Wishing you strength and courage Kittencat.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,627
Kittencat, I'm sorry you feel so bad right now. But, you can't afford self-hate. I know, from experience, where that will take you. Be kind to yourself today.
I think your partner is perhaps clueless, perhaps selfish, and likely doesn't want to lose his drinking partner. Of course, he can't make you drink, but his attitude is concerning.
Anyways, you're here and we're here for you.
I think your partner is perhaps clueless, perhaps selfish, and likely doesn't want to lose his drinking partner. Of course, he can't make you drink, but his attitude is concerning.
Anyways, you're here and we're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,769
Thanks kitencat.
I just get sus about people's motives, agendas. The mightn't be d/heads, but often think there's a disguised self interest at play.
Like, why wine?
Anyrate, it's in the past and you got your marbles back.
I just get sus about people's motives, agendas. The mightn't be d/heads, but often think there's a disguised self interest at play.
Like, why wine?
Anyrate, it's in the past and you got your marbles back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by advbike
HI Kittencat. I'm sorry you drank, but you can start over. Please don't beat yourself up! Do it now before the withdrawal will become difficult. I have relapsed many times, however I always found it helpful to get back on track by counting days at first. Each day I felt better, and counting helped me to resist having more. And also posting regularly here on SR. I know your personal situation is tough there, and also with your Mom, but it is still possible to set the boundaries like you did before. Ask your guy for support, as he clearly doesn't understand the risk you are facing. Once you get a month or two of sobriety, your possibilities will open up again, and having specific, measurable goals like a week, then a month, really helps this process.
I know you can do this, because you did it before. Wishing you strength and courage Kittencat.
I know you can do this, because you did it before. Wishing you strength and courage Kittencat.
Counting doesn’t work for me but I might try.. not sure. Having months sober makes me feel good about myself. I try to focus on the positive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Anna
Kittencat, I'm sorry you feel so bad right now. But, you can't afford self-hate. I know, from experience, where that will take you. Be kind to yourself today.
I think your partner is perhaps clueless, perhaps selfish, and likely doesn't want to lose his drinking partner. Of course, he can't make you drink, but his attitude is concerning.
Anyways, you're here and we're here for you.
I think your partner is perhaps clueless, perhaps selfish, and likely doesn't want to lose his drinking partner. Of course, he can't make you drink, but his attitude is concerning.
Anyways, you're here and we're here for you.
Thank you! x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
My belief is that we are all selfish to an extent and/or we approach others the way we want to be treated.
Kitten doesn't want to "take care" of the BF. The BF wants to "take care" of Kitten by bringing her favorite drink. They are both trying their best and not probably living up to the other's expectation(s.)
I don't know that it's any more complicated than that, and certainly doesn't warrant assigning nefarious motives.
Expect nothing, Appreciate everything.
^^
(some saying I posted in my bathroom for a while...)
Kitten doesn't want to "take care" of the BF. The BF wants to "take care" of Kitten by bringing her favorite drink. They are both trying their best and not probably living up to the other's expectation(s.)
I don't know that it's any more complicated than that, and certainly doesn't warrant assigning nefarious motives.
Expect nothing, Appreciate everything.
^^
(some saying I posted in my bathroom for a while...)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
Next time, if the opportunity presents itself, pour it all right down the drain untouched while he is watching. You need to show him that you don't drink anymore.
I'm not sure I could do that without feeling cruel. I’d have to give it away to a neighbor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by biminiblue
My belief is that we are all selfish to an extent and/or we approach others the way we want to be treated.
Kitten doesn't want to "take care" of the BF. The BF wants to "take care" of Kitten by bringing her favorite drink. They are both trying their best and not probably living up to the other's expectation(s.)
I don't know that it's any more complicated than that, and certainly doesn't warrant assigning nefarious motives.
Expect nothing, Appreciate everything.
^^
(some saying I posted in my bathroom for a while...)
Kitten doesn't want to "take care" of the BF. The BF wants to "take care" of Kitten by bringing her favorite drink. They are both trying their best and not probably living up to the other's expectation(s.)
I don't know that it's any more complicated than that, and certainly doesn't warrant assigning nefarious motives.
Expect nothing, Appreciate everything.
^^
(some saying I posted in my bathroom for a while...)
I must be selfish 😔
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,262
You can be strong, confident and responsible not only
for you but also for your own recovery life. This belongs
to you and no one else.
Follow those whom have what you want. Their actions
in recovery and life will speak volumes to you. Read
all you can to educate yourself about addiction and recovery.
Be prepared to do what it takes, especially the very
first yr of your recovery journey. Hold on tight to your
recovery lifelines, like SR, and don't let go.
You can add to it with other help that is available to
you, just by asking for guidance and direction.
Go get your recovery life one day sober at a time.
for you but also for your own recovery life. This belongs
to you and no one else.
Follow those whom have what you want. Their actions
in recovery and life will speak volumes to you. Read
all you can to educate yourself about addiction and recovery.
Be prepared to do what it takes, especially the very
first yr of your recovery journey. Hold on tight to your
recovery lifelines, like SR, and don't let go.
You can add to it with other help that is available to
you, just by asking for guidance and direction.
Go get your recovery life one day sober at a time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
