gerry53

I am a 51 year old male. I have been an alcoholic since 15 years old. My wife has left me, my oldest son can stand me and my 12 year old is confused why dad gets so mean and punches holes in the wall. My work is on their last chance with me and I am holding on by a this string. Rest of my family has given up on me. All I can think of right now is how do i end this nightmare? This probably sound all to familiar but I need someone to help me.

freedomfries

We've all been there. But life can get better. First step is putting the bottle down.

Hevyn

Welcome to you, gerry. I hope you'll stay with us - keep reading & posting. Believe me, you're in good company - we all understand like no one else can.
I was older too when I found myself drinking every day - completely dependent on it. What had once been fun & relaxing was now a necessity. My personality changed each time I drank - no one knew what to make of me. Being here turned my life around. I was no longer alone. Please stay. You can get free.

gerry53

Yes, I have hit the full blown stage. I have not had a hangover in about 8 years. I black out almost every night. Drink about 1 to 1 1/2 pints of Kessler's. I have just hurt and frustrated my family. They are now gone. I hate myself and have so much anxiety. I hope I learn to beat this or I will end up drinking myself to death and I don't want to do that.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Gerry. I was at that point too - the drinking was merely to stave off the withdrawals and I got no pleasure out of it at all. My anxiety was through the roof too and in the end the alcohol didn't even help with that anymore.

I can tell you from experience though that there is a way out, and you can indeed reclaim a life without alcohol. There is no sugar coating the fact though that the initial stages of quitting aren't very pleasant. Considering the volume you are drinking you may want to consult with a doctor or a rehab first before quitting on your own.

There are no guarantees of course as far as gaining back those things that you lost after you quit, but you do have a chance to make things better at least. Continuing to drink of course is a 100% guarantee that things will never get better. Why not give yourself a chance at the former?

Hevyn

Please don't hate yourself, gerry. None of us sets out to sabotage our life with alcohol. I ended up doing things I swore would never happen. It changed me into a different person. We can get ourselves back & rebuild our lives.

Dee74

Hi Gerry
when I found this place I had been an all day everyday drinker for years.
That was 2007 - sober since then.

If you have the desire to quit, the support here to help you through the tough bits is phenomenal

D

least

(((Gerry))) It's hard at first, but the process gets easier a little at a time. Alcohol made me more depressed than ever and gave me despair, not hope. It was a few months after I got sober before the cloud of depression started to lift. But it got better and now I have almost 11 and a half years sober. My life is so much better. Simpler. More peaceful. I feel content with my life, not depressed and suicidal.

Lean on us until you can stand on your own. We've been there. We understand.

Anna

Gerry, I was desperate too, at the end of my drinking days. Alcohol made my depression and anxiety so much worse, but I couldn't even see that while I was drinking. I know it seems overwhelming right now, but you can do this. Get rid of the alcohol you have. Make a plan for how you will get through a day without drinking. You can be the person you want to be.

BarbieKen

[QUOTE=Hevyn;7643092]Welcome to you, gerry. I hope you'll stay with us - keep reading & posting. Believe me, you're in good company - we all understand like no one else can.
I was older too when I found myself drinking every day - completely dependent on it.

Thanks Hevyn, I thought I’d add my comment on ...

Hi Gerry,
I’m also one who took decades of drinking to finally get to that desperate place where I finally sought help! My story ... very concerned about what stopping cold turkey woukd do to my body. My husband and son took to our health care provider. By very late that night I was inside a hospital Detox Center.

3 days later I was admitted to a women’s rehab, where I stayed for 1 month. I have been attending regular AA Meetings since Rehab. I have stayed the path if recovery since November 12, 2012 (at 55 years old).

I found this site ...my SR Family ... 6 months after quitting. I come everyday.❤️❤️
We’ here and as stated ... we understand ...

Keep coming back here to SR. You don’t have to do this alone Gerry.

Bobbi

Steely

Hi Gerry. Welcome.

Can't add much to what others have said, but wondered if this was the first time you have tried to get sober?

If not, what have you tried?

It can be done Gerry.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, @gerry53! I'm glad you found us here. Most of us have been in a similar position. The good news is that there's hope! You can make the change that will save your life, and you'll find support and understanding here to help you through.

Delilah1

Great advice already, posting here tells me you want to do this, I promise you that you can. It is simple, not easy, but simple. SR is an excellent support. You may want to join one of the monthly classes. The June of 2021 class should be starting soon, it helps to have others at the same point in theor recovery journey. Also, join us on the 24 hour thread, it isn’t a great place to check in each day and commit to the next 24 hours sober.

Hodd

Hi Gerry, sounds like you really want this to work. I’m exactly the same age and turned things around. You’ve got plenty of time. Can you start by seeing your doctor to get help quitting for good?

sugarbear1

I got sober at 50 after over 25+ years of drinking....it can be done. A person can rebuild a life at that age, too.

When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, you can do this!!

Dropsie

You got a lot of good years left my friend -- my last for good stop was at about 55 and for the most part stopped about 48ish.

A big motivator for me was getting my relationship back with my eldest, who was about 18 then. It worked, we are now close, never thought I would say that again. Most importantly, she trusts me -- crazy right.

For me, the key was to take a firm decision, and then never to quit the decision.

Its not easy, but it is simple.

C0ntr0ls

Sounds very familiar and I even went and paid for my down and dirty cheap ass funeral so no one had to deal with it..
But I had been tired of my drink for a long long time and one night drunker then a skunk I decided I wanted my life back and that's when I stopped.
Replaced my beer with water, I would just walk to the end of the block just to be moving/active/doing effing something and kept adding to that. I would eat sweets [Oreos] some here will encourage other things but they don't know what they are taking about.
Just keep building on your victories now and by now I mean just don't drink now and you're golden. Also, don't effing debate with your AV. That's the addictive voice that you hear encouraging you that it's okay after a few days, weeks, months and years [This weekend my AV paid a visit but lost] that it's okay to drink or even moderation is okay, IT'S NOT or not for me.
Fast forward almost two years and things are way better then I could have imagined if I would have thought this far down the road [I couldn't think past now]. My ex is best friend now and I share everything with her. I'm enjoying life without a complaint in the world and that is the truth.
Thanks for letting me ramble.

It can be done and is worth every bit of energy it takes.

PhoenixJ

Welcome Gerry. I am a57yo male in Australia. My story is pretty radical as to extremes-and this is about you. I lost everything, everyone- homeless on 5L of rotgut a day.
My advice is ask for help. Go to an AA meeting, I did and do.. Talk to a doctor, look at detox- at rehab programs, join lots of SR threads, see a counsellor..remember to eat and drink water.
Support to you.

Mizz

All of this can be turned around.
The suggestions above about meetings and rehab are a solution to your problem.
Quitting alcohol is not easy but once you get past the initial stages the sky is the limit!
You can do this. Believe in yourself.

fishkiller

Welcome gerry!

You can stop.
I stopped at 50. Started drinking around 13,14 so very similar timelines.

Just don't drink today.
Say, I don't drink anymore. Zero, none.
Repeat as long as necessary.

You definitely have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Sounds like you are there.
Take advantage of that and make today Day1.