Toughroad1209

I’m ok, been sober since my initial post of 4-4-21. I know I shouldn’t have driven in the first place but anger has got to me as well. The Uber driver that I had take me to my car that night is the one who called the cops on me when I pulled off. I know this from the police report and my Uber records that night. Again, I know I’m wrong for drinking in the first place because it’s not good for me to drink, then to drive is bad. But every thing I have going on all stems from that night. Just angry. But at the end of the day. I’m just mad at myself.

Billymacintosh

I hear you, I have not had a DWI but I can remember countless near misses where I perceived that through other drivers negligence, I nearly crashed and so on. The truth being of course that I was terrified off being pulled over or breathalysed, had I been sober it would just have been another day on the road.
Your anger is natural, I think we automatically process the coulda woulda shouldas , first blaming others and then turning it in on ourselves. I guess long term the key is to take that anger and just transform it into accountability.
I'm sure BABM said so earlier but this DWI could be a fantastic turning point, sure it might be messy and painful but nobody got physically hurt or killed.
This is your chance
Wishing all the success
Rooting for you
love Billy x

Dee74

Yeah you may not see it now but it could be said that Uber guy did you a real favour - a chance at a take two


D

Buckley3

Hey there - noticed this thread and it struck a personal note. I'm 3 years into my quit - one that was triggered by receiving a third DUI. It's going to suck for a bit but it can get better and there are things you can do to help yourself even during the legal stuff.

I did my time, paid my fines. Life is immeasurably better now. I do recommend you start letting go a bit - the ride you are about to go through is going to leave you with a bit of road rash and you may as well start embracing it. Embrace the suck, but use it to fuel the future and set yourself up for a better life.

Reach out (PM) if you'd like - I'm quite familiar with the ins and outs of the situation you are facing. And yes, we are both very lucky that our actions didn't hurt anyone or ourselves. In fact, I told the judge on the day of my sentencing that I was there to take responsibility and accept whatever sentence he thought appropriate. And that no sentence could be worse than the potential of me hurting someone else as a result of my actions - and that for that I was grateful to be done with it all.

Don't walk alone. I blew up my keyboard in this place quite a bit those first months or so.

-B

PS - As for the Uber driver, it's good that you are honest about what you are feeling. Seriously good. That said, at some point to get clear of what landed you in the situation you are in you'll want to start accepting rather than looking for ways to deflect what happened. I recommend taking full on responsibility. It's liberating. Dee is right - he did you a favor. If you weren't in this situation you wouldn't be thinking of getting sober. And I suspect that the overall damage that alcohol is doing to your life - physically, legally, spiritually, etc. - is far greater punishment than even what you are about to be dealt as a result of a dui. What I mean is - problems from booze are much bigger and more serious than any one nasty event.

Toughroad1209

Thanks guys, as I’ve got up this morning. I’m just going to work at accepting everything I did. I’m driving myself up a wall with pain by replaying everything over my dwi’s over the years in my mind. I have to live in my reality that is now and today. I am disgusted by drink so I have no desire for that. I’m gonna continue going to my in person and online AA meetings and iop that I also attend right now. Besides that, I’m living day to day. I can’t go back in my life and change anything I’ve done. I can’t decide exactly what happens with my case going forward either. Just living for today and living for my family. One day, by living sober, I will have peace again. Just hard to imagine that at this time.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a reasonable plan TR - accepting things for what they are is difficult indeed, but it's the only way forward. Not sure if you journal or not but keeping a gratitude list of things that went well can be powerful in helping you see your progress. For example, your realization today would go on my list...a lot of people get stuck in that loop of negative self-talk/self-pity and never get out of it. You are on your way so give yourself some credit for doing so.

Anna

Yes, accepting what has happened, up to this point, is essential. I think it will help your anger decrease and enable you to focus on your recovery and move forward.

Buckley3

This is very sound thinking. The waiting for the court dates and sentencing and what not are, in many ways, the hardest part. At least it was for me - I continually felt like I was stuck in quicksand or cement with no ability to move forward until I got that behind me.

It sounds cliche, but yea you just have to take it a day at a time and be patient. You might think about making a list of must-do's at some point soon. Not sure what your situation is but my dilemma forced my hand into selling my house, moving, etc. Sometimes it helped me deal with the anxiety by focusing on 1 must do for the day - even if that was as simple as buying groceries. Sometimes the 'must do' was lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. You'll have those days likely. It's ok. What you are dealing with is hard and will be for a bit. So...nurture yourself as best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.

As soon as you get thru all the legal stuff and are on ground to start enjoying your sobriety fully you'll find that all those experiences in the past aren't worth changing! They made you who you are and hard as it may seem to believe the experiences you are going through are not all negative. We find who we really are in crisis, in chaos. As long as you just don't drink - own your **** - and walk through this one step at a time you'll find your self confidence much improved in the future. You can definitely build on all this.

Hang in there and if need be feel free to come in here and blow the keyboard up. God knows I dumped a lot of stress and venting here for a decent period of time.

Best to you. Be good to yourself. Today's a great day to not drink.

-B

PS - a few questions - feel free to ignore if you don't want to answer.

1. Where you live - do you know the sentencing guidelines? Are you facing a misdemeanor or felony?
2. If misdemeanor can you find out if electronic monitoring programs are available? I did 1 week in county followed by 6 months at home under electronic monitoring - but I had to do some leg work up front to position myself for it.
3. Are there any programs available via the court where you get a probation-like treatment option in exchange for reduced jail time? My county offered me 2 years of a highly supervised substance abuse program in exchange for reducing jail time to 3 days. I ultimately decided not to take it but only b/c I had better than even odds at getting on electronic monitoring and serving my time at home. If that wasn't an option and I was looking at 5-6 months or more in county I would have taken the supervised treatment program for sure.
4. Do you have an attorney?
5. Do you have any influential people in the community (bosses, former bosses, friends, etc.) that can write character letters for you when the time comes for judgement and sentencing? I had three written for me by a boss and a former boss and the judge told me they influenced his sentencing greatly.

Sorry if you've already addressed these in your posts. And if you are more comfortable discussing these kinds of things feel free to PM me. I'll share whatever experience and insights I'm able.

Toughroad1209

It’s a felony charge but can be reduced to a misdemeanor. I volunteered to wear a alcohol scram device on my ankle. Tracks any alcohol on me every 30 mins. I will wear it during the duration of a verdict. This could keep me out of jail since I may have it on through the rest of the year, or even longer. It should be thought highly of to show my sobriety. I have an attorney as well working to help me. Going to AA every day as well.

Toughroad1209

I’m hoping for other options besides jail, but I have to accept if my best option is to go to jail. I also know if I get probation, it may be for some years and supervised, in which you can’t miss anything or it’s a violation and harsher penalty if I did. I will have to weigh my options when the time comes.

Buckley3, it’s been nice to have your responses since you’ve been where I am.

Jim1958

I never got a DUI but I certainly could have, easily. Be thankful that nobody was hurt. I think that is the biggest thing. Keep coming here and posting, it helps. Best wishes on your recovery.

Zebra1275

Some day you may look back at this and realize that the Uber driver may have saved your life.

RecklessDrunk

I had some bitterness toward the police at first after I got busted. I knew i had drugs and knew I smelled like alcohol and the drugs had me wide awake. I wasn't doing anything I should get pulled over for. Late at night on a weekend in a rich town where the cops need something to do. Came around an exit ramp with a slightly modified V8 exhaust, pop pop pop, crackle. Got the cops attention. I was doing just a few mph over, a bit slower then normal. I will never forget the moment the cop hit his lights and I knew it was game over. Total shock and suprise. I'm so proud to be an American and free and felt this was an absolute abuse of probable cause to pull me over!

Even sitting in jail that night it did cross my mind how lucky I am to be in jail here then if I would have gotten busted in the inner city. What if I had not gotten popped that night? How much worse could it have gotten? I would have continued to just live with my alcoholism. I would have continued to smoke crack and snort or even inject dope or do whatever pills to come down easier. Spending stupid money, taking stupid chances and tightening the screws on my anxiety and depression. If you had a roulette wheel of ways my drinking could've ended I would hate to have to spin it and expect a less worse result.

In recovery i learned that I had to keep my side of the street clean. Not what did the cop do wrong but what did I do wrong. What did I do to put myself in that position?

I have nothing against the police today.

Abraham

alcohol is not for anyone. Either you use it very moderately or like the rest of us, you have to quit as you get older. You/we can not continue to use every day our whole lives. One has to eventually stop or die. You just have to stop at some point, period. Its time to grow up and become a responsible wise ol adult and live the rest of your life in peace, with out alcohol. Its alot nicer actually. Sorry about the dui, been there done that. Good reason to quit.

Aellyce

I never had any conflict with the law but, like others, do think this can be used as a turning point. I think it's not even a bad thing for us addicts to be forced to finally recognize and respect normal limits and rules. I definitely had a lot of problems with that even though what I did didn't conflict with the law per se - just had an impaired sense of limits in many ways and holes on my understanding or morality. The most important thing is not do add more those charges from now on. I have seen numerous people who had various (sometimes very serious) criminal charges due to their addictions and eventually found a way to stay sober for good and developed an amazing life with the long-term limitations their behaviors generated. There are some nice Youtube channels run by such people that you might find inspiring.

Toughroad1209

Thanks everyone for your shares. I’m living one day at a time sober. That’s the best for me. Just want some peace.

Toughroad1209

Here I am tonight, 21 days sober. The day was interesting as I took my kids to a birthday party. As the kids were enjoying the party, the father of the event started passing beers around to the adults. When he passed me a beer I told him “ I don’t drink”. As time past he came back with the second round of beers and again I said “I don’t drink”. The third time around he didn’t ask me again or try to hand me a beer. As the time went on I felt fine. I watched them drink but it didn’t bother me. I knew when we left I was able to deny drinks and leave to go home sober with no issues. No regrets, no wonders of if I embarrassed myself. No thoughts of how I would have been the guy running back to his beer stash more than everyone else. It felt good!! It was a day of feeling that I don’t need a drink around people. I don’t need the drink! Sobriety is everything to me. Nothings going to get in my way. I spent some time tonight reading some of the personal stories in the back of the AA book. It reminds me of how I felt while drinking. I don’t want to be back in that position. Being sober keeps me out of that position from those stories. I hope my day today can help someone else.

BeABetterMan

4 DUIs for me. The last two within 4 months of eachother. One totaled a car. One with injury. While on probation. Two more charges in the months following that - assault and criminal damage. Lots and lots of fun in the past years.

That was 2018-2020. And oh man have I spent some money on lawyers, and jail and driving an a suspended license and so on and so on.

Some observations and lessons learned.

1. There is some **** headed your way and you have very little control over it so stressing it is not only pointless but also detrimental.

2. The only thing, the best thing, the hardest thing you can do to ensure the best possible outcome is to not drink.

It is time to put on your big boy pants. You’ve tried and tried to figure out a way to drink without consequences. DUIs are nothing but chances, eye openers...opportunities to get your life together.

All of my court dates have come and gone. The fines paid. The time served. Still on probation and still have a suspended license but I survived it all. One day at a time.

Part of my anxiety of dealing with it was the feeling almost the knowledge that I would drink again. I knew in my heart I didn’t have what it takes.Today I feel that I am ready to keep the bottle put down. Picking it up just has too many consequences.

If you met me in the periods of my life where I’m sober you would think “he’s kind of out there, but this guy has it together.” If you met me when I was drinking you’d think “this guy doesn’t have long to live”. I’m talking drugs, booze, guns, women, jail, fights, overdoses. I touched all the bases. I tried and tried to live that life by in the end I failed. So I’ve surrendered. I will become whatever I was scared to become for my whole life. I will become me. The man unpolluted by drugs and alcohol. I will feel feelings. I will be sad, lonely, scared, anxious and I will not run to my medicine. I will ask for help. I will have faith in the words of the people who have recovered, that life will improve if I stay straight. That it takes some time and some suffering to extract ourselves from this pit we’ve dug ourselves.

Today I won’t drink. Today I’ll give myself a chance to
live and to succeed. To overcome the obstacles that my addiction to alcohol has placed in my way. Today I will share my story with someone starting the journey of recovery to let them know what I was like, and what I am like today.

I stay sober with the help from my higher power (God), the fellowship of AA, AA meetings, medicine, exercise, the SR boards, filling my time with good activities and diligence.

Get a program. Stick with it. Don’t get lazy, don’t get complacent. You have to work. What work looked like for me is living through tough emotions sober. That is the work that I do. Your work will probably be similar.

MLD51

Sounds like you are doing well, Toughroad. Getting through those first few social events sober can be hard, but it strengthens those muscles. I was the same as you when I finally got sober for good - the thought of drinking disgusted me. For a good long time. It doesn't exactly disgust me now, but it holds zero appeal. If I think about it hard enough, I can bring up some of the disgust, mostly I just don't even think about it.

The trauma of my third DUI and all of the consequences that followed was really tough. I spent a TON of time beating myself up and feeling like a pretty bad person. People kept telling me to take it easier on myself, but I felt like I needed to feel that way for a while. I had a lot to be remorseful about. Not jut the DUI, but all of the other crap I pulled over the years. It was the first time I REALLY had to face up to all that and start making amends. The first two+ years of sobriety were spent dealing with the wreckage. I still have opportunities now to make amends, and I still have some pretty awful flashbacks of various drunken antics, but mostly, life is pretty "normal" these days. It really will all be in the past at some point. As long as you keep your side of the street clean and stay sober, the messes will get cleaned up.

Toughroad1209

Thanks for your replies MLD and BeABetter Man. This is a day to day process and I’m here for it.