DWI all over again
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
So... not sure if you are aware of this... but judges often (most) use sentencing 'guidelines.' You can think of it (and sometimes they are quite literally) a grid of sentencing severity that moves along two axis- minor to aggravated on one, mitigating to non-mitigating on the other.
The baseline sentence - the max or minimum you can receive - are typically defined by statute. Usually objective factors - such as # of offenses, BAC level, crash or no, etc. - will land you in your initial 'square'. The judge then applies circumstances from the night of the event all the way up to the time you are convicted to move you around on that grid.
So, you want (and already are) to present as many 'mitigating' factors as you possibly can - enroll in AA, enroll in state recognized treatment, get letters of character, etc., accept responsibility. All of these things helped reduce me from an aggravated sentence to a lesser sentence. Of course, the judge didn't tell me that at the time, but I knew b/c I knew what the guidelines were.
The prosecutor in the case will at some point make a recommendation based on prosecutorial guidelines that function in a similar way (though are different from the guidelines a judge has - if slight.) While I was able to find my local prosecutorial guidelines by just doing a few google searches, I was not able to find the actual guidelines used by my districts judges. Nonetheless, I found it very useful in understanding where I was, what factors directly contribute to mitigating circumstances, etc.
A sharp attorney will understand these things and look to attack any objective issues that can lessen the place you land on the grid... in addition to whatever other options in the law they can find. In the case of multiple DUIs - especially if they have accrued over a number of years (mine happened over 20 years in 2 different states) there may be either jurisdictional & procedural developments that a sharp attorney may be able to use to disqualify a previous conviction to reduce what you are facing (3rd to 2nd.)
I found that some attorneys know and consider these details in their approaches, others fly a bit more loose and less technical. Whatever the case I don't recommend you just put it in the hands of an attorney without simultaneously doing your own homework to ask smart questions to your attorney and prepare yourself for as favorable an outcome as you can manage.
For example - had I left it up to my attorney and not done my homework I could likely have missed important details that could've disqualified me or at the very least significantly delayed how long it took to get me transferred and put on home arrest vs. sitting in a rotting jail for a month or much more. I was pissed at my attorney at the time, but learned through the process that the responsibility is on me to do as much as I can to educate myself.
Good luck!
-B
The baseline sentence - the max or minimum you can receive - are typically defined by statute. Usually objective factors - such as # of offenses, BAC level, crash or no, etc. - will land you in your initial 'square'. The judge then applies circumstances from the night of the event all the way up to the time you are convicted to move you around on that grid.
So, you want (and already are) to present as many 'mitigating' factors as you possibly can - enroll in AA, enroll in state recognized treatment, get letters of character, etc., accept responsibility. All of these things helped reduce me from an aggravated sentence to a lesser sentence. Of course, the judge didn't tell me that at the time, but I knew b/c I knew what the guidelines were.
The prosecutor in the case will at some point make a recommendation based on prosecutorial guidelines that function in a similar way (though are different from the guidelines a judge has - if slight.) While I was able to find my local prosecutorial guidelines by just doing a few google searches, I was not able to find the actual guidelines used by my districts judges. Nonetheless, I found it very useful in understanding where I was, what factors directly contribute to mitigating circumstances, etc.
A sharp attorney will understand these things and look to attack any objective issues that can lessen the place you land on the grid... in addition to whatever other options in the law they can find. In the case of multiple DUIs - especially if they have accrued over a number of years (mine happened over 20 years in 2 different states) there may be either jurisdictional & procedural developments that a sharp attorney may be able to use to disqualify a previous conviction to reduce what you are facing (3rd to 2nd.)
I found that some attorneys know and consider these details in their approaches, others fly a bit more loose and less technical. Whatever the case I don't recommend you just put it in the hands of an attorney without simultaneously doing your own homework to ask smart questions to your attorney and prepare yourself for as favorable an outcome as you can manage.
For example - had I left it up to my attorney and not done my homework I could likely have missed important details that could've disqualified me or at the very least significantly delayed how long it took to get me transferred and put on home arrest vs. sitting in a rotting jail for a month or much more. I was pissed at my attorney at the time, but learned through the process that the responsibility is on me to do as much as I can to educate myself.
Good luck!
-B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Sorry for double posting, but wanted to add a quick disclaimer to both you and any readers of this.
I am by no means advocating that obtaining a preferred outcome or finding a way to reduce punishment on things like DUIs is the primary issue or whatever. But I do believe that there's no reason to inflict more punishment on ourselves than what we deserve, and if our actions, education, and responsibility can help us navigate to more favorable outcomes in ANY situation than so be it.
I believe it should go without saying that it looks to me like there's enough track record in your relationship with booze that regardless of how well you navigate the legal stuff it will eventually create problems for you that are insurmountable.
I think this is a proactive means to head off any voices that may think I'm promoting navigating a favorable outcome legally as a means to deflect responsibility for both what landed you here in the first place and the root causes of that path. I see the two things as related but distinct.
No reason to suffer if you don't have to. Today is a great day to not drink. It smells like spring outside. That makes me happy.
-B
I am by no means advocating that obtaining a preferred outcome or finding a way to reduce punishment on things like DUIs is the primary issue or whatever. But I do believe that there's no reason to inflict more punishment on ourselves than what we deserve, and if our actions, education, and responsibility can help us navigate to more favorable outcomes in ANY situation than so be it.
I believe it should go without saying that it looks to me like there's enough track record in your relationship with booze that regardless of how well you navigate the legal stuff it will eventually create problems for you that are insurmountable.
I think this is a proactive means to head off any voices that may think I'm promoting navigating a favorable outcome legally as a means to deflect responsibility for both what landed you here in the first place and the root causes of that path. I see the two things as related but distinct.
No reason to suffer if you don't have to. Today is a great day to not drink. It smells like spring outside. That makes me happy.
-B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
Hello everyone, I am feeling a lot different today then the past few days. I was often irritated through the day by the slightest things. I still don’t want a drink but I remember previous times when I would feel this way after some short sobriety that I would be agitated. Just walking around the store for groceries was bothering me today. I think it gets back to my own character flaws. Just over three weeks sober and I do feel well. Looking forward to my first 30 day chip at my brick and motor meeting in a few days. I hope to have a better day tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
This isn’t alcohol but now I’m finding myself dipping a lot of tobacco most of the day. I need to kick that too!! Guess I’m looking for a way to feel better about myself. I need to get back in the gym like I normally am but I gotta find my motivation again. I will get in there because it’s always been a good place for me. This was random, hope everyone is getting another 24 hr sobriety day. They all count one day at a time
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Regarding the party - I remember the first day I felt that way Toughroad. I was so relieved. I knew I was going to make it, that there was life after alcohol. I'm so glad you had success refusing the beers.
Congratulations on your 21 sober days. So proud of you!
There are going to be those days when you won't feel quite as optimistic & hopeful - but thankfully they happen less often with more sober time.
Congratulations on your 21 sober days. So proud of you!
There are going to be those days when you won't feel quite as optimistic & hopeful - but thankfully they happen less often with more sober time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 6
Congrats Toughroad on the sobriety and keep up the good work. I am actually going through a similar situation right now, as I picked up a DUI charge about a month ago and this is my third one. Its not easy but this is something that can be overcome through hard work and dedication.
Thanks for posting to share your experience and I wish you the best.
Thanks for posting to share your experience and I wish you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
Here again, along with leaving alcohol alone. I’m tired of tobacco too. It’s a nasty habit. Spoke of it before but I’m not gonna go and buy another can again. I read on how that can give esophagus cancer or gum disease and that’s not something I want either. I’m just running through a total life change right now...No booze, no dip. I hope I can reap the benefits of these decisions as time goes on. Have a blessed day everyone on SR!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great job Toughroad, you have really stepped up to the plate and faced your situation head on, and with eyes open.
I have respect for the way you have done that.
Keep up the good work!
I have respect for the way you have done that.
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Toughroad,
I got a DUI 27 years ago. At the time, though it bothered me, i was still to young and stupid to learn from it. A year and a half ago I got another one. It was devastating to me and I barely got through it. Besides the shame and embarrassment the legal process, and aftermath, was a daunting process when I had never felt more vulnerable. If it weren't for the incredible support, from my close friends, I don't know how I would have handled it.
Last year I managed to quit, in three different stints, for a total of six months. But then I was drinking again and now, finally, I know I need to quit forever. I have to. You have to. Besides the fact that you are on your third, and the mounting consequences of that situation, I completely know what you are going through. Stay strong, my friend, and seek the support of those who love you.
I got a DUI 27 years ago. At the time, though it bothered me, i was still to young and stupid to learn from it. A year and a half ago I got another one. It was devastating to me and I barely got through it. Besides the shame and embarrassment the legal process, and aftermath, was a daunting process when I had never felt more vulnerable. If it weren't for the incredible support, from my close friends, I don't know how I would have handled it.
Last year I managed to quit, in three different stints, for a total of six months. But then I was drinking again and now, finally, I know I need to quit forever. I have to. You have to. Besides the fact that you are on your third, and the mounting consequences of that situation, I completely know what you are going through. Stay strong, my friend, and seek the support of those who love you.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by Buckley3 
Sorry for double posting, but wanted to add a quick disclaimer to both you and any readers of this.
I am by no means advocating that obtaining a preferred outcome or finding a way to reduce punishment on things like DUIs is the primary issue or whatever. But I do believe that there's no reason to inflict more punishment on ourselves than what we deserve, and if our actions, education, and responsibility can help us navigate to more favorable outcomes in ANY situation than so be it.
I believe it should go without saying that it looks to me like there's enough track record in your relationship with booze that regardless of how well you navigate the legal stuff it will eventually create problems for you that are insurmountable.
-B
I am by no means advocating that obtaining a preferred outcome or finding a way to reduce punishment on things like DUIs is the primary issue or whatever. But I do believe that there's no reason to inflict more punishment on ourselves than what we deserve, and if our actions, education, and responsibility can help us navigate to more favorable outcomes in ANY situation than so be it.
I believe it should go without saying that it looks to me like there's enough track record in your relationship with booze that regardless of how well you navigate the legal stuff it will eventually create problems for you that are insurmountable.
-B
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
There are only 3 reasons that we quit drinking. We are dead, we have lost our freedom, or we are in recovery on our own terms. Unfortunately you seem to be flirting with the dead option and the loss of freedom option. Let's step back from those two outcomes, ok?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
Thanks troubleafoot, honestly, right now I’m having trouble sleeping. I feel like such a piece of ****. The question keeps popping in my head of “ how can I do this again “, “ why didn’t I get my life together after all I had to do for the first two”!!! I’m so angry at myself. I spend the whole day agitated. I’m sure I’m not very nice to be around for a my family. I can’t sleep or anything and this is going to be my reality until everything is resolved and that could take the rest of the year since dwi cases take a long time. The unknown is also stressing me. I don’t know what exactly is going to happen with me and the law. The suicidal thoughts creep back into my head especially at night. But I got a wife and 2 kids that depend on me especially since my wife has been a homemaker since I met her when she was 21 years old and she depends on me. My kids depend on me, and I continue to **** up. I’m so trash. As they are all sleep, I really need to breath and take this one day at a time but it is hard. I’m typically a mentally strong person when I have adversity but my strength is definitely being tested. Alcohol can really ruin things.
I know I will get through this. I’m just pissed at the guy in the mirror. He’s really not a respectable man till this point of his life but this all can change. I’m 30 days sober today. That’s what I can hang my hat on as of now.
I know I will get through this. I’m just pissed at the guy in the mirror. He’s really not a respectable man till this point of his life but this all can change. I’m 30 days sober today. That’s what I can hang my hat on as of now.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
I think its important to work towards something Tough Road - like making absolutely certain you can never drink again.
Change your life, change your goals...I know it's hard to stop thinking about what happened, but I really recommend you put your energy into positive change rather than kicking your own butt over and over again.
Make this a really new start
D
Change your life, change your goals...I know it's hard to stop thinking about what happened, but I really recommend you put your energy into positive change rather than kicking your own butt over and over again.
Make this a really new start
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
Thanks Dee, yes I was just beating myself up last night...I woke up today 30 days sober...I get my 30 day chip at my AA meeting today and I have no hangover or new regrets from drinking. Just dropped my kids off at school. Furthermore, I get to go to work afterwards to further support myself and my family. Today will be a good day!
just all my regrets in life hits me like a pile of bricks at night once my days over.
just all my regrets in life hits me like a pile of bricks at night once my days over.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Shame and regret are two things that can most certainly weigh us down.
I've spent a lot of time in those two.... Shame and regret.
The opportunity that you have today is wonderful. Going to work. Dropping your kids off at school. Doing the next best thing. Congratulations on 30 days of sobriety! You are doing amazing work. Keep doing that!
I think it is important for you to treat yourself like you would a friend or a family member. You would not continually beat them down over a mistake that they made. You would encourage them to move forward and to grow from the experience. You would try to elevate their concerns knowing how awful they felt. So, be a healthy friend to yourself and be gentle with you. Just keep moving forward and with this forward motion and actions this situation will be resolved in time.
I've spent a lot of time in those two.... Shame and regret.
The opportunity that you have today is wonderful. Going to work. Dropping your kids off at school. Doing the next best thing. Congratulations on 30 days of sobriety! You are doing amazing work. Keep doing that!
I think it is important for you to treat yourself like you would a friend or a family member. You would not continually beat them down over a mistake that they made. You would encourage them to move forward and to grow from the experience. You would try to elevate their concerns knowing how awful they felt. So, be a healthy friend to yourself and be gentle with you. Just keep moving forward and with this forward motion and actions this situation will be resolved in time.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by Toughroad1209
Thanks troubleafoot, honestly, right now I’m having trouble sleeping. I feel like such a piece of ****. The question keeps popping in my head of “ how can I do this again “, “ why didn’t I get my life together after all I had to do for the first two”!!! I’m so angry at myself. I spend the whole day agitated. I’m sure I’m not very nice to be around for a my family. I can’t sleep or anything and this is going to be my reality until everything is resolved and that could take the rest of the year since dwi cases take a long time. The unknown is also stressing me. I don’t know what exactly is going to happen with me and the law. The suicidal thoughts creep back into my head especially at night. But I got a wife and 2 kids that depend on me especially since my wife has been a homemaker since I met her when she was 21 years old and she depends on me. My kids depend on me, and I continue to **** up. I’m so trash. As they are all sleep, I really need to breath and take this one day at a time but it is hard. I’m typically a mentally strong person when I have adversity but my strength is definitely being tested. Alcohol can really ruin things.
I know I will get through this. I’m just pissed at the guy in the mirror. He’s really not a respectable man till this point of his life but this all can change. I’m 30 days sober today. That’s what I can hang my hat on as of now.
I know I will get through this. I’m just pissed at the guy in the mirror. He’s really not a respectable man till this point of his life but this all can change. I’m 30 days sober today. That’s what I can hang my hat on as of now.
Oh really? How?
I didn't stop drinking, right away (a couple of months later I did put 3 months of sobriety together before relapsing), so I could still drink myself to sleep but, for the first month or so, waking up was excruciating. The first thing I would think about was the DUI and, as you said, the fear of the uncertainty of what would happen, and I wished I didn't have to get up for the day, that I could fall asleep forever into the peaceful oblivion of nothingness. That anxiety would follow me all day. My attorneys extended the case over and over again (for good reasons) and it took almost 7 months for the resolution to arrive. Yeah -- the waiting and waiting and waiting. The uncertainty. . .
Yet here I am and somehow I made it through. I managed to avoid jail. I did two days of public service, which was practically nothing. I worked for the local parks service weed whacking, mowing, picking up trash, and cleaning bathrooms. I had to do 15 classes too.
You are ashamed of what you have done. As am I for what I have done. And we, most certainly should be. But don't be ashamed of who you are. What you have done is not who you are. It is who you were, while gripped in the fog of alcohol, which is one of the best drugs you can take if you want to make bad decisions. If anything your family needs you more than ever even if it's because of a problem that is of your own doing. Families face hurdles together and this is truly your chance, even if it's been a bumpy road, to really show them you love them. They still love you.
I don't know if you read or not but, if you do, check out a book called Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins. It is probably one of the best books I've ever read for getting motivated. You can watch also him on the Joe Rogan podcast (which is what I saw first before getting the book) here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tSTk1083VY
Stay strong man!
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