Vik88

Feels weird to post on this thread.nearly a year ago but i'm working hard and i've been sober for a while. still working on it though. so glad i got people like you around. some people might seem it weird that i'm 33 years old and a virgin but i can't push that on a partner. It's really great that i can turn here for help and not being judged.

Dee74

I truly believe there is someone for everyone Vik

D

Sasha4

Never think it's weird. It's not weird it's just how things have worked out for you so far. Anyone who thinks it's weird is not worth it.

I have been thinking a lot about relationships recently as I am not in one and would like to be.

I know that I present a set obstacles relating to me before I even given someone a chance or tried to find a partner.
It's like I go through a mental tick list to confirm there is probably no point, it would never work before we have even gone on a date or meet up.

I think
Will he think I'm boring because I don't drink?
What if going out for drinks is a big part of his life and he feels its not the same atmosphere he wants if I am sat there with a diet coke?
What if the conversation goes stale because I'm not tipsy and he is? Would I just go home or would I stay and sit and try to engage him in interesting stuff to keep the conversation going?
Where would our first day be? Most first dates are out for a meal or meet in a bar. What could we do that does not revolve around drinking? It's not like you would go play a round of call for a first date or go swimming or go hiking?

My the time I have got through all those considerations, I get to the conclusion its not worth it. It won't work longtime so there is no point meeting or trying to have any relationship in the future.

The ridiculous thing is, I have never asked any of these questions to a potential date, so I am guilty of creating all these obstacles. It's me assuming his answers. I never move forward with dating because I make it difficult for myself. I have scenarios in my head I run through that are probably not true and may never happen.

Maybe this is another way our AV works - telling us you can't have a relationship because you don't drink. You need to start drinking.
No-one will want to be with you when they find out you don't drink and you will never find a soulmate.

I'm glad you are posting here and never ever feel like you will be judged.

Leshar

My husband used to say to me, "you are a prize" because flaws and all he loved me. I think we can all be a prize if we love and respect ourselves first.
Sasha, a guy might think you're boring, he's tipsy and you're not? Such a fellow would be a dud imo. Best to meet in a nice coffee shop anyway for a first date, I think.
if a relationship is really what you would like, set the bar high and don't give up!

Steely

It used to hate it when drinking and meeting new people. Filled with fear that I would make a complete idiot of myself one more time, but doing it at anyrate. All hope of new people finding me interesting, lost.

It's great (now) to be able to meet new people and feel perfectly at ease with not drinking. It will be same for you Vik. Give it time, it'll happen.

Sounds like I know about 'dating' and stuff. I don't. . I do know about meeting new people, and it's the same really. No one wants to be friends with a chronic 'alcohol substance abuse disordered person.' 😬

Vik88

Thank you Sasha, it feels great that i can say these things and know that the people here won't judge me or think less of me. Guess the same goes for me Leshar

Vik88

Thank you as well Steely, That is so true, i will meet that person sometime when i havent been drinking for a long while . Thank you all

Vik88

Still doing good. wanted to tell you all. I will meet that person some day.

Anna

I'm glad to hear you're doing well, Vik.

nez

My wife and I have been together for 35 years. When we met neither one of us was looking for nor trying to have/make a relationship. We both lived in a small ski resort and so knew of each other from across the room type of thing. The mutual attraction was present, but we both were taking a break from looking/having/making a relationship.

We met first as people, then became friends, then became a couple. I believe it worked for us because we got out of our own way and let the universe take care of putting us together. At any rate , that is my story and I am sticking to it!
:~)

Dee74

good to hear from you Vik

D