owen90

I got drunk yesterday evening and emotionally hurt those around me. Called in sick today and I'm starting to feel like I should just give up. I'm tired of this cycle and can't stop it. I'm getting tired of fighting this fight.

Delilah1

You can stop, and you obviously want to or you would t be here tonight. Getting sober is simple, but it’s not easy, it is however worth it.

Can you think about what happened last night right before you drank, and what you can do differently if in that same situation? What supports besides SR do you have in place?

BeABetterMan

The bad news my friend is that you can’t actually give up. I mean...you can keep drinking but it will only get worse. You will always return to day 1.

So how many more “day 1”s do you have in you my friend?

Steely

It's a really great feeling when the fight goes. And all I had to do was stop drinking, and accept my 'alcoholism.'

The magic pudding.

Dee74

When you feel you should give up is the exact moment you need to turn it around and commit to not drinking Owen

No one says this is easy but it is achievable

I don't know what made you think drinking was a good idea but you can look at what happened and make plans to do better next time.

One thing I know that does work for the vast majority of folks is posting here before you drink not after.

If you don't want to drink, you don't have to.
If you do want to drink we can still talk you through it and give you support and advice for help find support beyond SR.

D

owen90

I came home from work and felt unappreciated so I decided to have "a few beers" in the sun somewhere else while listening to music. Ended up drinking heavily for hours on an empty stomach and came home hammered

owen90

None. I didn't have any left last time either my friend. I feel like I'm in an endlessly looping horror film. Just when I feel great and I finally feel some happiness in my miserable life...bam off I go drinking again.

Sammy1980

A sunny day was a big trigger for me. On those days I just had to really fight the AV and do other things. I would just take a long walk for hours then just go home, eat and go to bed. I would say that it lasted the first whole year of my recovery. I am working on year two. The new spring days of sunny weather has no affect on my any longer.
Funny I don't even think about a drink except to think thank god I don't do that anymore, what a waste of time.
You can do it Owen90 but it isn't easy. Just keep trying and don't give up so easy. I know easier said then done.
Good luck.

fuster

Hello, there. Have you considered getting a professional substance use disorder assessment (preferably in person) to find out exactly how far along you are in your disease? That might be a step in a positive direction for you.

Dee74

Challenge those thoughts - we can often think things that may not be facts.
Also challenge the idea that drinking is any kind of solution - it's simply not.

D

fishkiller

I think you have at least one left. Make it today and make it the last time you need a day 1

That feeling of being unappreciated is just the addiction calling out to you begging you to come back. "They don't love you! Only I love you! Come with me and we will be happy together forever!" All a bunch of B-------.
I've been there. We all have. The evil siren calling you to the rocks. Set your course and do not veer from it no matter what you hear in the distance.

It takes time man. You know where you want to be. Right your ship and sail on. It is straight ahead.

Hodd

Sorry to hear this, Owen. It sucks to feel unappreciated anywhere.

But it shows you care enough about your work - a lot of people wouldn’t care. Now you’ve identified a definite trigger, what’ll you do next time? There’ll be other crap days at work, so list what went well - there must be positives in there too - and more importantly how are you not going to drink?

I know it’s the worst time for activities with lockdown, but is there an activity you could be doing to replace the drinking time? If you could say “I’ve had a crap day, but I’ve now go to go for basket weaving, origami or whatever...”, you’d forget about the day you’d just had.

Also, I’m not a naturally positive person, but I’m way more so since I quit a couple of years back. You’ll feel more positive with more sober time. Don’t say you’ve got no “day 1s” left as from what you’ve written, you’re worth a lot more than that.

Take it easy

biminiblue

Oh, man. Have I been there, Owen.

HOW DARE THEY!!?!?!?


Yeah.


So, I'll go self-sabotage and blow up my life.

Yeah.

That'll show 'em.



The problem with it is that people will endlessly disappoint me. Endlessly say the "wrong" thing. Endlessly be selfish and self-serving. Kinda like I am, especially when I was drinking. Resentments will kill an alcoholic, Owen.

I can't change others, so I have to change my reaction to them.

kinzoku

You made the step in coming here and reaching out, I hope the next step can be a sober 24 hours. After that, another. You can do it.

Mizz

I also felt like I was in an endless horror film loop. I understand that for sure. I think most of us understand the cycle and its torment.

Feeling unappreciated really sucks. Ill acknowledge that feeling of yours. It sucks.

Its okay to "feel" that way. Our feelings are not going to kill us. What we do when we feel can kill us though. You are now in a different place of "feeling" and its probably worse due to abusing yourself with alcohol. Compounded bad feelings. That is a really bad place to be. I have been there more times than I care to admit or even think about.

You know what to do to get sober. Remaining sober is where the growth happens.

I appreciate that you have come here to tell us what happened. I appreciate that you are continuing to fight alcoholism. I know you will get to a better place. One foot in front of the other.

Sending you hugs and support and all the "positive" vibes I can.

lessgravity

I'm sorry brother. What a painful, brutal cycle. A better life is just waiting for you.

Rather than see your cycle of trying to get sober and then failing, I think it helps to recognize that in fact it's the sober part of you that keeps reemerging. You want, in your core, to give that better life to yourself. It's there. You can see it and you can even know it now and then. But you have to accept the finality of never drinking again. And then you have to do the work - by day, by hour, even within the minutes, to keep yourself sober until it becomes second nature. So many of us have been where you are now. It's not a lost battle. But it is definitely a battle to be fought. Keep fighting.

ScottFromWI

That's not entirely true. Just a few minutes prior to posting that, you posted this

You....decided....of course is the most important part of that statement. You say that you are tired of this cycle and wonder if it's time to give up or not, and you wonder how many times you'll need to endure it - the answer is that you get to decide when it ends.

Within the recovery community, we talk about having a plan. That is very important - and there are many plans to choose from ( structured recovery programs, meetings, therapy, CBT, books, etc ). Just about every one of those plans is effective if you accept the premise and follow through - but in ever single case, the individual needs to make an absolute commitment and want the desired result. And that can only come from within you - no one else can "force" you to get sober.

That's the silver lining about addiction in my view - with any other life threatening/altering condition you are not really in a position to fully control the outcome. If you get cancer there are a lot of things you can do to help improve the outcome, but even with the most advanced methods a lot of people who get cancer still die from it. With addiction, there is a 100% guaranteed effective solution to the problem - and it's right there for anyone to choose. That's not to say that its an EASY solution, or that you will enjoy every part of the process. But all of the things that you just wrote about that happened last night can be eliminated from ever happening again - you just have to decide that it's what you want.

owen90

I am still sober today. Thanks for taking the time to help. I feel a little more hopeful about giving this one more shot.

Anna

That's great, Owen. I think it's so important, but hard, to challenge those negative thoughts that our brains can produce so easily. We don't have to buy into the thoughts. I'm glad you're here.

Zebra1275

Drinking poison (alcohol for you) because you are upset with someone's else's behavior is pretty ridiculous when you stop and think about it.

I know this from experience, it never worked for me.

And if you feel that someone else doesn't appreciate you, getting drunk is not likely to raise their viewpoint of you.

The good news is that you never have to experience this again. Have you tried attending AA? It gave me a jump start on getting sober when I was in your shoes, and next week I will mark my 11th year of sobriety. You can do this to.