cusper

Hi SR! I am back again after years of stopping and starting. I am just over 3 months sober. I would love to say everything is perfect but true to form I reach about Day 30 of sobriety and then I just have a ton of anxiety. I am not sure what is PAWs, I have had all normal bloodwork. But I do have health anxiety which works sort of to my advantage since drinking is so terrible for my health. I keep wanting to go get more tests at the Dr.s but I think that is just my anxiety speaking and because we are still in lockdown it is ramping it up a bit.
I knew I had to quit. The last straw was Christmas eve I had too much to drink and I was hung over on Christmas. I faked it for my son that day but I am not interested in faking it. I just wanted alcohol out of my life. I know that the first year is not easy since I have been through it before. Just wanted to reach out and say Hi to everyone. It's been a long time since I have posted. I am happy to see there are so many sober online supports these days. Much more than even 8 years ago. There are so many people these days sharing their sobriety on youtube, facebook, Zoom AA meetings. All of these have been so helpful in staying sober so far. Especially because of the pandemic I am blown away by all the great things recovering alcoholics are doing to help one another.

I am happy to be back. I know I am struggling these days but it's better than being where I was.

Steely

Congratulations Cusper.

advbike

Good job on 98 days, Cusper. Fine work all 'round.

Anna

98 days of recovery is great. I'm glad you decided to post, and you'll find lots of support here.

Zebra1275

Welcome back!

DriGuy

Congratulations. I hope you keep it up. I don't think drinking is good for anxiety. When I tried to go without before I finally quit, I could get to day three, and then I would be anxious. Not anxiety attacks, but jittery, irritated, and frazzled anxious.

cusper

Yes, I agree Dri Guy. I think initially drinking will numb out anxiety for a while but then afterwards it gets wayyyyy worse. So as a person that has Generalized Anxiety it is kind of my natural state. Add alcohol = extreme hangover anxiety. Anyhow, I had a chance to go over my old posts and just about this point in my previous sober stint I had similar patterns.

Dee74

Congrats Casper

At some point we have to do things differently than we did in the past, and make recovery ‘stick’.
No matter how many times you’ve gone. Ack to drinking again, this time doesn’t have to end that way

coming back and reading and posting here regularly is a good move.

D

Abraham

Yea, faking it sucks, and so does drinking. Call it a day. Be done with it. You got a great start. My anxiety was FROM drinking. I never knew it till I quit though. Sounds like you know the deal and know what you want. Just stick to it this time. I drank for nearly 30 years and after 1.5 of not drinking I could not miss it less. You dont need booze!

Hevyn

It's so good to see you, cusper. Congratulations on that hard-earned 98 days sober. I felt anxious & disoriented in the early days, but those feelings faded away as I grew stronger. You're doing great.

cusper

Thank you Everyone for reaching out. I really appreciate it. Hi Hevyn! So happy to see you here. How are you these days? Yeah I know my pattern. I had this kind of anxiety way way before I started drinking. Still early days yet. From what I remember, it took me about a year to even out. Maybe a bit longer. I hope you are doing well.xoxo

Hevyn

Doing very well at 13 yrs. sober, thanks cusper. Not sure if that would be the case if I hadn't found SR.

cusper

So glad to hear it. 13 years is fantastic. Yes, this place is incredible for support. I am happy to be back. I had been lurking for a bit on here every time I would quit however I don't know how serious I was before. I think I really had to get serious before I posted again. So now that my new family doctor knows everything and I have told everyone, I have lots of support this time.

least

Glad you're back! To shore up your sobriety, I'd advise practicing gratitude every day. Gratitude can fix lots of problems.

The other advice I'd give you would be to follow your signature. Gandhi is one of my heroes.

cusper

Hi Least! So good to see you too! I am grateful every night I put my head on my pillow and know that I haven't taken a drink. I thank God for letting me get here. Right now I am always trying to focus on right now and not the past or the future. This is where the extreme anxiety kicks in if my mind spirals out of control about both. I love that quote too. It helps center me when I start thinking about what I think others should do. -which is non of my business. it's about being the change. I love your picture. I don't know if I told you that before but, it's brilliant! Thank you for reaching out xoxo