JustJohn

Lots on my mind. The state of the nation. Family and neighbors hating on each other. **** that happened to me and others in the military decades ago. Found out through Ancestry DNA I'm the bastard child of an affair my mother had in 1963. So much stuff swirling around in my head. I feel paralyzed. No motivation. It takes what feels like a major expenditure of energy just to run a simple errand. It's no 1 thing - it's everything. Went to a boat show Saturday and all I could think about was getting back home ASAP.

27 days sober. Gotta get my head straight. Gonna make an appointment with the VA to talk to a head shrinker - but that's probably gonna take weeks to set up.

Any advice for getting out of this funk?

doggonecarl

No advice, but at 27 days sober an emotional low should be almost expected.

Not that long term sobriety is a shield against depression. I have over 10 years sober and I'm just about at a breaking point. The pandemic, the political climate, the crappy winter weather... I think if one more bad things happens, the cart may topple. What am I going to do? Accept that the many joys I've had are bound to be tempered by many lows and that everything evens out in the end.

least

Depression hit me in early sobriety. It's kind of normal to feel depressed when you've just quit drinking and your brain chemistry is still adjusting to normal functioning. I hope your appointment with the VA doesn't take too long.

The one thing I do (and did in early recovery) was to take lots of walks. The sunshine, fresh air, and exercise helps me feel better.

Dee74

I'm sorry all that is hitting you at once John.

I do simple things to try and help - I go for walks or ride my stationary bike...I watch TV shows I like, read books I enjoy, or listen to music that helps me stay happy.

I try to eat well, keep the house tidy, basic self care.

Like others have said emotional swings are very common - you might very well feel better tomorrow - but its probably not going to It to see a psych doc.

I hope the delay won't be too long for you.

D

Suzieq17

I felt the same way, for different reasons of course.

I made the appt with my doc. She diagnosed me after I told her the truth about being an alcoholic and I’m now on antidepressants. This small step in my sobriety has been an enormous help in me feeling better and sorting my thoughts out properly. So hopefully your appt at the VA will help!

Until then—get some sunshine ☀️, drink lots of water 💦, get good sleep 😴, take walks outside 🌳 and try to look at yourself in the mirror and simply smile 😊—you’re sober, and that’s awesome 👏

advbike

Hi John, I feel for you and am really amazed how strong you are. We all have a lot piled on right now with all the election-related events, pandemic news, restrictions and new mutations,, it's enough to take anyone down the rabbit hole, and I think all of us are fatigued and overwhelmed. To be in early recovery and also to have found out something that challenges your whole identity must be really, really rough. I can only admire you for holding onto your sobriety after all that.

My suggestions are to try and get away from the barrage of news, especially social media and partisan sources, which amplifiy and distort everything, thus increasing our anger. Ignore your neighbors if you have to. I have gone back to just the standard broadcast news at night and a couple middle of the road newspapers in the morning to try and keep a relatively balanced perspective on things. Take walks or workout to help improve your mood and sleep, and try to let go of anger. Gratitude for all we have is important right now.

I would also suggest you try and have empathy for your mom if you are holding a resentment about it - you can't know all she was going through at that time. Just sit with your emotions for now. Not saying you have to forgive - just keep an open mind. And seeing a counselor is a great idea. Have you considered seeing a private counselor to get in right away? You could probably get in much quicker. Might be worth it to pay for a couple sessions.

Hang in there my friend, you're really doing a great job.

D122y

First off, a Dr. could very well be the absolutely correct answer.

If you take advice from a recovering addict although I prefer born again non drinker, e.g. me, you could end up in very bad shape or something horrible.

In my experience, 27 days was just the beginning of the hell on earth.

At about 90 days clean, I wanted a drink pretty bad, I googled insanity. I had it. It was off and on. That is probably a symptom too.

I had an 8 month sober run about 20 years ago, and off and on runs of about 1 week to 3 months my whole life. Basically, heavily kindled.

In this last and final stretch of clean time, I found relief during certain quite times. Some examples were: at the gym lifting weights, grappling, and aerobics, roller coasters and other adrenaline causing adventures, binge watching tv shows, lots of sweets, tasty foods, etc etc. Basically, urge surfing.

The exercise is the main new high. The deal is, it is all about dopamine etc. Booze alters this. It takes years to normalize (in my case). The whole time the crave lurks.

My internally created happy juice is at an all time high. I have to be careful not to act too happy sometimes because folks can't take it. I have to keep it in and let it bubble out here and there. Exercise, big bursts of energy especially, cause excellent feelings that last well over 24 hours.

More and more things are beginning to make me content/serene as well. I laugh at the silly TV shows and commercials like I was a 5 year old sometimes.

I believe AA refers to this as a miracle. I am a bit more about the science.

The anxiety/stress/obsessing/depression etc were soooooo bad. I didn't go to the Dr., because in my job, you can be a drunk, but you can't be a "diagnosed alky." Seeing a Dr, disqualifies me, so does DUI or any sort of alky related other incident.

So I went "cold turkey." The internet and SR made me away and, without a doubt, saved my life most importantly. They also saved my cool job before I screwed it up.

SR taught me I was heavily kindled and had PAWS.

As far as I know or care, regular Dr.'s don't acknowledge this stuff. They call it depression or insanity and treat it with appropriate meds for that disease. I think addiction specialists get it, but since I have never been to one, I won't go there.

My expertise is in getting 5 years clean, and the rest of my life as a born again non drinker, using the internet.

One never knows if they are depressed or insane really, so the most conservative/correct advice is see a Dr.

I humbly offer my experience for the sake of your consideration and my therapy.

Thanks.

Obladi

After D122's picture of suffering, I feel compelled to offer my own + a dose of hope.

At 27 days, I was bent out of shape in every which way. But I knew that was what I'd signed up for, if you will. I made a commitment to just keep on doing what needed to be done to keep myself sober. When I made that choice, I didn't bust out Singing in the Rain; things continued to be really difficult for a time.

But I did slowly learn to see that the problem wasn't with me or with anyone else for that matter. The problem was within me. Because I'd made the choice to stay sober, I had to learn to somehow accept and "process" all of that stuff that was getting me bent out of shape. Drinking obliterated it; removing that anesthetic laid it bare. I was looking for reasons to be hurt, and let me tell you, they were everywhere I turned. Like, legitimate reasons! I know people who could testify to the fact that there was some bogus stuff going on all around me. At some point, it got so ridiculous that I don't know... I came to the conclusion there was no way all of that could be about me. And then things started getting better. I started to learn how to accept things. Didn't have to like em, but I sure could learn how to accept them.

I did a fair amount of trial and error to find my doctor. She's actually an NP in family medicine, and she is wonderful. She prescribes my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication (which I take religiously now) and has a good grasp of addiction as well. There are good doctors out there - sometimes you have to look to find them, but wow is it ever worth it. Same goes for therapists.

So my advice, John, is to hang in there. Stay away from social media and limit your exposure to the "news" and other aggravating communication as much as you can. There is every chance in the world things will improve if you stay sober and slim to zero chance they will get better if you don't. And also, the word "bastard" doesn't apply to you due to circumstances of your birth. That's a title that needs to be earned nowadays, and you don't strike me as one of those guys.

O

Obladi

Oops - double post

Mizz

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low. We understand this.

From what you shared, it makes sense as to why you are in this space. There is a lot going on in the world, in your personal life and all around. I think I would be feeling the same way even if I had long term sobriety. Sometimes life can get real ******. There is a lot for you to sort out but you don't have to tackle it all at once. What is one thing that can be accomplished that will make you feel a bit better? For me, I take runs or go for walks. I turn on a podcast or clean an area in my house or I find a good series to watch on one of the streaming apps. I call a friend...

You are doing really well. Hopefully that appointment with the VA has been set. Keep posting and let us know how it is going.

advbike

Hi John, how are you doing today? Thinking about you man.

anxiousrock

Hey John,
I'm at 25 days sober and I'm also at a low.
Early sobriety isn't easy

I hope you're able to combat it, and it doesn't last too long.

awuh1

Been there done that. One of the hardest things for you to do right now will be to exercise, yet it is the one thing that will do the most to improve your mood until you can see a mental health professional. Don't lose hope. Depression makes things look impossible when they are not. Like I said, been there done that.

JustJohn

A little better today - thanks. Still sober!

Steely

Hey, I read of a legit study that went to show people's depression lifted if they watched a string of comedies. I never got around to doing it, but thought it interesting.

I guess it would depend a lot on how deep the depression.

Glad you are feeling a little better John. Still sober! Well done under such trying circumstances. It must have been a real shock to learn of your birth mother. Enough to throw anyone's head into a spin. You will emerge victorious, just needs time.

EndGameNYC

The first step is the hardest. I've read that it takes something like ten to twelve minutes of walking before we notice that our moods have improved. Which seems reason enough to keep walking.

I had an extended and severe episode of major depressive disorder when I was eleven-years sober, during and following two traumatic losses. Before that, since I was child, there was usually some kind of vague but pressing emptiness in the background of my chaotic inner life; as though something had been taken away and that something else was about to be taken away. Something like despair but in more of a hurry.

Keep on reaching out for help. I was never good at it. I very rarely reached out that way in my life until I no longer had a choice. Allowing people to help us is, for me, part of the process of healing.

Keep a depression/suicide hotline number close by. Things sometimes get worse quickly. Keep talking about what it is that you're going through.

https://telehealth.va.gov/

Sammy1980

Take a look at this web-site it helped me, actually it saved my life.
https://excelatlife.com/

Surrendered19

Hi JJ. How are you feeling today? I don't know how your physical health and mobility is, but I am a big believer in walking. Miles and miles and miles if I have the time. I live on the cold northern tundra so I have gear for all seasons. No matter what is going on, I get out and walk every day. On a busy day a half-mile. On a day where I am feeling down or stressed, or have some extra time I might walk 10 miles or more. Get your shoes and gear on and get out the door if you can JJ.

BeABetterMan

Hey John, it sounds like depression maybe mixed with a little anxiety. For me, something that helps is to make a list of things you want to accomplish and try to get at least one thing done every day. It feels good to make progress even if a small thing feels like moving a mountain. Also physical exercise. Finally, if you like to watch TV, turn off the news. About 4 months ago I detached from social media and stopped watching my favorite news/opinion shows because it was so frustrating and depressing - it has really helped.

BayouMan

Hi JustJohn, I’m at 27 days and been retired from military for 5 years. Good luck with the VA. I didn’t have much withdrawal to speak of. I work a retirement job as a gov’t contractor, so that occupies significant time. I cope by walking the 10 mo. old pup and my old dog a few times a day. I cancelled my tweeter acct in Dec and deactivated Fakebook three weeks ago and I dare not watch the depressing MSM. AAMOF- I installed a TV antenna in my attic, subscribed to an IPTV Svcs provider and cut the cable (saved $150/mo too!). I do projects around the house that have been left undone for ages. But, you know, some days or afternoons I just feel like I want to relax and concentrate on being sober and write stuff on this wonderful forum. And that’s perfectly okay cause I know how freakin great I’m gonna sleep tonight, which is important at almost 60. Later and keep in touch.