I want to tell you a sober story
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
You absolutely are.
//
And that opened the door back into what the REAL issue has been: my spiritual illness.
Please believe me when I say - YOU CAN be free. YOU CAN lie on your back looking up at the stars telling your son and your daughter about the face of God.
YOU CAN - because you're still breathing. You're reading these words. You're here in this community.
It is not too late.
You have an entire life ahead of you.
And you are loved.
Keep going. and the trick is.... keep going DEEPer.
//
And that opened the door back into what the REAL issue has been: my spiritual illness.
Please believe me when I say - YOU CAN be free. YOU CAN lie on your back looking up at the stars telling your son and your daughter about the face of God.
YOU CAN - because you're still breathing. You're reading these words. You're here in this community.
It is not too late.
You have an entire life ahead of you.
And you are loved.
Keep going. and the trick is.... keep going DEEPer.
Thankyou for these words owl, Thankyou for sharing your view of the face of god. I may not see it yet, but I will. 🙏
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Tanky
I really wish I had read this reply, yesterday. Before I slipped following some intense work/life pressures and found myself at the wrong end of a bottle of vodka and five beers. my sponsor, another AA friend and my beautiful SR class all spoke to me while I was drinking and again today. With their love and care, I have got straight back on the horse, without too much self-loathing . I tipped out the last beer and dregs of vodka this morning. I will go to face to face meeting tonight. So I am here. I am starting again at Day 1. And I will keep coming, I will keep doing the things , until I can find that freedom and look at the stars with my children.
Thankyou for these words owl, Thankyou for sharing your view of the face of god. I may not see it yet, but I will. 🙏
Thankyou for these words owl, Thankyou for sharing your view of the face of god. I may not see it yet, but I will. 🙏
I also struggled with the spiritual connection and the God force... what helped me was to go - every day - to a wide open space. A lake, a field, a mountain.... and watch the sunrise. Attempting to will the sun NOT to rise.... using all my 'power'.
As you might expect, I was never able to keep the world cloaked in darkness.
At first this was a simple 'thought experiment'.
Over time, it began to be an actual test....
Eventually, it revealed to me my Higher Power.
Maybe you could try that.....
Maybe you could bring your kids....
You need not wait.
much love to you. you can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,409
To be truly free and at a place of beautiful contentment can occur only if one is free from all psychoactive chemicals. I’ve never felt more connected to the universe and my ground of being than I do in sobriety. Its a delusion of an addict that chemicals will bring one closer in my experience 🙏
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I'm not sure whether I've shared this with you or whether you've seen me talk about it but.....
I also struggled with the spiritual connection and the God force... what helped me was to go - every day - to a wide open space. A lake, a field, a mountain.... and watch the sunrise. Attempting to will the sun NOT to rise.... using all my 'power'.
As you might expect, I was never able to keep the world cloaked in darkness.
At first this was a simple 'thought experiment'.
Over time, it began to be an actual test....
Eventually, it revealed to me my Higher Power.
Maybe you could try that.....
Maybe you could bring your kids....
You need not wait.
much love to you. you can.
I also struggled with the spiritual connection and the God force... what helped me was to go - every day - to a wide open space. A lake, a field, a mountain.... and watch the sunrise. Attempting to will the sun NOT to rise.... using all my 'power'.
As you might expect, I was never able to keep the world cloaked in darkness.
At first this was a simple 'thought experiment'.
Over time, it began to be an actual test....
Eventually, it revealed to me my Higher Power.
Maybe you could try that.....
Maybe you could bring your kids....
You need not wait.
much love to you. you can.
I struggle a lot with the god thing/spiritual connection. It is foreign. And I still can’t bring myself to even say “god” most of the time or concede to people’s suggestion that I pray or meditate every day. Have taken to sometimes substituting the word “sauce/source” in the serenity prayer. ( as in “HP sauce” and “the source of things”)
Traditionally I don’t really believe in anything and come from a family of unbelievers for several generations - or I just believe in “fucking electrical impulses” as my ex. once spat at me. (Ex. is a devout Christian devoid of much actual Christianity as far as I can tell.) But for first time in my life , I have managed to truly be open. To notice and feel it where I can. However strange or small .
Plus it helps that HP appeared to have other ideas for me, throwing me in the path of a friend I have avoided for years, who has 12 years sobriety, at a time when she says she needed me almost as much as I need her. She is now my temporary sponsor. And I am so grateful for her and for this thing , whatever it is, that is growing between us that seems to be more than the sum of two.
When my kids return from this extended period of absence from me w my ex, I will begin this project with them. I won’t wait
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
Dear Tanky, without wanting to offend anyone, I am an atheist as well and I don't feel anything when it comes to terms like God and higher power. There is however one misconception in your post and it would be a shame to dismiss something based on a wrong assumption.
Spirituality and meditation are two totally different things. Meditation has nothing to do with higher spirits, divinity and what not. You're not trying to make a connection with anyone but yourself. It's simply a way of channeling thoughts, detaching yourself, calming down, reducing stress, becoming aware of things. I am no expert on meditation myself, far from it and so my description might not go well with people who meditate a lot (please correct me if you feel the need). But my girlfriend says she benefits from it greatly and she is also not involved with anything spiritual or divine. She needs it to tackle the hassle of every day living and all that goes with it.
She uses an app (Headspace) for guided meditation and she always stresses (no pun intended) you need to learn to meditate. It might feel awkward at first but you'll get the hang of it. To my surprise I saw that Headspace has something on Netflix, so it might be useful to watch that. What's there to lose? Nothing really. I might give it a try myself
All the best!
Spirituality and meditation are two totally different things. Meditation has nothing to do with higher spirits, divinity and what not. You're not trying to make a connection with anyone but yourself. It's simply a way of channeling thoughts, detaching yourself, calming down, reducing stress, becoming aware of things. I am no expert on meditation myself, far from it and so my description might not go well with people who meditate a lot (please correct me if you feel the need). But my girlfriend says she benefits from it greatly and she is also not involved with anything spiritual or divine. She needs it to tackle the hassle of every day living and all that goes with it.
She uses an app (Headspace) for guided meditation and she always stresses (no pun intended) you need to learn to meditate. It might feel awkward at first but you'll get the hang of it. To my surprise I saw that Headspace has something on Netflix, so it might be useful to watch that. What's there to lose? Nothing really. I might give it a try myself
All the best!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 127
Stunning description of an arc that could have easily gone tragic, FreeOwl. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry things started unraveling so quickly this past year, but glad you identified and finally addressed the problem and have what sounds like incredible support from your family.
My family members all like their drink, and my siblings are "highly functioning" potheads. I am grateful that pot so lobotomizes me, I can't even enjoy it, so stay away. Love and respect my siblings, but their lives would be infinitely tidier without the ganja... alcohol, too, but I can't imagine them quitting both. So impressed by your strength, will and self-understanding.
My family members all like their drink, and my siblings are "highly functioning" potheads. I am grateful that pot so lobotomizes me, I can't even enjoy it, so stay away. Love and respect my siblings, but their lives would be infinitely tidier without the ganja... alcohol, too, but I can't imagine them quitting both. So impressed by your strength, will and self-understanding.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Tanky
This is brilliant. The spiritual/HP has been creeping in quietly for me. No epiphanies. I didn’t think of openly challenging like that. Hold back the sun, turn back the tide. But I really like the idea. And my closest encounters with perhaps glimpsing the face of god are definitely in nature.
I struggle a lot with the god thing/spiritual connection. It is foreign. And I still can’t bring myself to even say “god” most of the time or concede to people’s suggestion that I pray or meditate every day. Have taken to sometimes substituting the word “sauce/source” in the serenity prayer. ( as in “HP sauce” and “the source of things”)
Traditionally I don’t really believe in anything and come from a family of unbelievers for several generations - or I just believe in “fucking electrical impulses” as my ex. once spat at me. (Ex. is a devout Christian devoid of much actual Christianity as far as I can tell.) But for first time in my life , I have managed to truly be open. To notice and feel it where I can. However strange or small .
Plus it helps that HP appeared to have other ideas for me, throwing me in the path of a friend I have avoided for years, who has 12 years sobriety, at a time when she says she needed me almost as much as I need her. She is now my temporary sponsor. And I am so grateful for her and for this thing , whatever it is, that is growing between us that seems to be more than the sum of two.
When my kids return from this extended period of absence from me w my ex, I will begin this project with them. I won’t wait
I struggle a lot with the god thing/spiritual connection. It is foreign. And I still can’t bring myself to even say “god” most of the time or concede to people’s suggestion that I pray or meditate every day. Have taken to sometimes substituting the word “sauce/source” in the serenity prayer. ( as in “HP sauce” and “the source of things”)
Traditionally I don’t really believe in anything and come from a family of unbelievers for several generations - or I just believe in “fucking electrical impulses” as my ex. once spat at me. (Ex. is a devout Christian devoid of much actual Christianity as far as I can tell.) But for first time in my life , I have managed to truly be open. To notice and feel it where I can. However strange or small .
Plus it helps that HP appeared to have other ideas for me, throwing me in the path of a friend I have avoided for years, who has 12 years sobriety, at a time when she says she needed me almost as much as I need her. She is now my temporary sponsor. And I am so grateful for her and for this thing , whatever it is, that is growing between us that seems to be more than the sum of two.
When my kids return from this extended period of absence from me w my ex, I will begin this project with them. I won’t wait
All you need to do is - as the steps suggest - 'become willing'.
Another thing that was pivotal for me along the way was when I was really struggling and resisting the notion of Higher Power, resistant to the word "God" because of the associations I gave it with people, places and hypocrisies I've seen in my life. My good friend, former boss and interim sponsor told me this;
"When you get up in the morning, just say 'please help me'. When you go to bed at night, simply say 'thank you'."
I did it. I started doing it every day. I'd do it at the sunrise and the sunset. I didn't pray, I didn't say the word God.... I diidn't even consciously direct it anywhere. I just.... said it.
You might give it a try for a few weeks. What is there to lose?
Much love to you..... you are on the right path.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by FlyingDutchMan
Dear Tanky, without wanting to offend anyone, I am an atheist as well and I don't feel anything when it comes to terms like God and higher power. There is however one misconception in your post and it would be a shame to dismiss something based on a wrong assumption.
Spirituality and meditation are two totally different things. Meditation has nothing to do with higher spirits, divinity and what not. You're not trying to make a connection with anyone but yourself. It's simply a way of channeling thoughts, detaching yourself, calming down, reducing stress, becoming aware of things. I am no expert on meditation myself, far from it and so my description might not go well with people who meditate a lot (please correct me if you feel the need). But my girlfriend says she benefits from it greatly and she is also not involved with anything spiritual or divine. She needs it to tackle the hassle of every day living and all that goes with it.
She uses an app (Headspace) for guided meditation and she always stresses (no pun intended) you need to learn to meditate. It might feel awkward at first but you'll get the hang of it. To my surprise I saw that Headspace has something on Netflix, so it might be useful to watch that. What's there to lose? Nothing really. I might give it a try myself
All the best!
Spirituality and meditation are two totally different things. Meditation has nothing to do with higher spirits, divinity and what not. You're not trying to make a connection with anyone but yourself. It's simply a way of channeling thoughts, detaching yourself, calming down, reducing stress, becoming aware of things. I am no expert on meditation myself, far from it and so my description might not go well with people who meditate a lot (please correct me if you feel the need). But my girlfriend says she benefits from it greatly and she is also not involved with anything spiritual or divine. She needs it to tackle the hassle of every day living and all that goes with it.
She uses an app (Headspace) for guided meditation and she always stresses (no pun intended) you need to learn to meditate. It might feel awkward at first but you'll get the hang of it. To my surprise I saw that Headspace has something on Netflix, so it might be useful to watch that. What's there to lose? Nothing really. I might give it a try myself
All the best!
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