stickyone

Like the title says. I've been working so hard in sobriety. My alcohol and opiate use has always been to numb the feelings and emotions that I did not want to deal with. I was never a violent user. I'm still clean with 235 days off opiates and 8 years no alcohol. Here's the thing since the covid-19 I have worked around going to the gym. I have always used martial arts to release my anger when using and when not using. Since I haven't been doing sparring and just weight training and training on my own. I have gotten alot bigger. Back to the point I snapped and ended up breaking something luckily not a person. But it felt good like euphoria. But afterwards came the fear that I could hurt someone. I'm clouded right now.

Surrendered19

If you feel like you are a danger to yourself or others, you can check yourself in to a psychiatric facility for a 72-hour evaluation. Perhaps you need some intensive help? What did you break? Was it yours? As long as it wasn't a person I'm not so sure your feelings are that crazy. Just don't get yourself into legal trouble. You are doing so well with your sobriety stickyone. But if you assault another person or damage someone else's property, you could go to jail or prison. I'm sure you do not want that. If I'm picking up your vibe right and you have already decided that if would feel really good and satisfying to assault another person, check yourself in for a 3-day evaluation and get some help. Nothing is inevitable and you can get things figured out a different way.

ScottFromWI

235 days is great Sticky. A lot of the isolation we've all felt over the past year has really been detrimental in many ways. You mention anger issues...have you ever addressed those with counseling or other non-physical means to this point? It might not be a bad idea to just talk to someone. I think it's a very positive sign that you have reached out for guidance and have awareness of the potential before anything happened.

stickyone

I broke my own property. Ive been doing so well about controlling my anger. That anger has saved my life in fight or flight situation. But I work so hard to not let that person out. If he comes out then hell is coming with him. I will contact my doctor regarding my situation.

ScottFromWI

I think speaking with someone is a great idea. And to reiterate I think it's a very positive sign that you are also self-aware of the situation and potential. Are you phyiscially OK or did you injure yourself at all when the incident happened?

Mizz

Okay, you broke your own belongings. You didn't break a person.

What am I missing? You let your anger out on an inanimate object and felt some relief from that. Do you have a punching bag?

stickyone

I'm alright no injuries just a broken cabinet. No punching bag here lol . The clouds are clearing. Now I realize there is alot of stuff still in the basement causing this anger. Anyone have that feeling when getting sober and going through withdrawal then it starts to fade. Then the motivation to do so many things you want to accomplish kicks in. Right now I feel as if it was a warning flare getting me to work on this emotion that was buried and not treated.

stickyone

I'm alright no injuries just a broken cabinet. No punching bag here lol . The clouds are clearing. Now I realize there is alot of stuff still in the basement causing this anger. Anyone have that feeling when getting sober and going through withdrawal then it starts to fade. Then the motivation to do so many things you want to accomplish kicks in. Right now I feel as if it was a warning flare getting me to work on this emotion that was buried and not treated.

ScottFromWI

I had a lot of stuff buried under 2+ decades of heavy drinking. My issues were rooted in anxiety, but we all have someting down there. The best news of all is that you already did the first 2 ( and hardest in my opinion ) steps: You quit drinking, and you have now also idendified the issues. It's amazing what we can overcome if we put our minds to it and seek help along the way.

Mizz

Anger. We all have it.
I dont necessarily find that hitting/ breaking an inanimate object is unhealthy. You now have to fix that cabinet of yours and that will cost some money. You probably wont be ripping up your other cabinets any time soon so that is good. They are your cabinets and you can do whatever you want with them...

A lot has changed for you. Martial arts is not on the table and you said the sparring was a way for you to release your emotion of anger. How are you able to get the same "release" of emotion now?

I guess I am wondering why you don't own a punching bag? I am wondering how you can get all of this out without ripping apart your house?

nez

Stickyone, I can relate and think you are exactly right about the warning flare.
Yeah, I know this one. In recovery, I learned to pay attention to warning flares and because of that have worked on issues. That hell guy is no longer an issue and poses no threat or danger to myself or others. It is nice not to have be on guard for his appearance. At times it is down right peaceful. Who woulda thunk?

stickyone

I have a back area of my house no bigger than 6x4 feet. I have weights so Iift weights no room for a punching bag. So I just shadow box in the area for cardio along side with kettle bells. I train with a select few people for martial arts. But with the covid19 I can't risk bringing it to my family. I just need to mix it up again along with my mental health.

Kaily

I don't know your situation but could you go out running? Many people get so much pleasure and stress relief running, not to mention the cardiac workout.

nez

While punching bags were a healthy release for me, I still found that somehow weeds grow back unless you get them by the roots.

Surrendered19

"If he comes out then hell is coming with him."

Sounds VERY dramatic stickyone. Claiming there is an Incredible Hulk inside of you that you lack control over is not a good defense in court. I hope you continue to feel better today and can check yourself and seek professional help if you feel a tantrum coming on. I am going to suggest to you that describing how tough you are and that we're all in danger if your inner demons are unleashed makes it far more difficult for you to control your emotions in a mature way and stay at peace.

advbike

I think you're on the right track to investigate where the anger is coming from. Who or what are you angry at?

I can't imagine having a bunch of anger pent-up inside me waiting to be triggered. Very toxic.

I also think running would be very helpful.

stickyone

I'm feeling better today .

stickyone

Thank you everyone for the great responses. Yes running sounds good. Forrest Gump ain't got nothing on me. Lol have a great day

EndGameNYC

I made an association between weightlifting, your having gotten "a lot bigger," your seemingly fragile control over rage, and steroids. So I'm asking.

SweatyHands

it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job of using your resources to stay clean and to stay sane during Covid. And the fact that you’re aware that you could cause harm and you’re concerned about it sounds lime your self awareness is great too. I have thoughts, and if these aren’t helpful for you, dump them in the trash. Could you find one person you trust to maintain the same covid safety protocol that you could spar with while maintaining safe covid precautions? And also, if you think talking to a therapist might be a good thing to add to your toolbox right now. I am a Psychotherapist, and I am seeing a lot of people who just need extra support as this pandemic drags on and exhausts our coping skills. If you would like help finding referrals for therapists in your area, I am happy to help. Send me a PM if that feels helpful and I can get you some resources for finding a therapist. And if not, keep doing what you’re doing—it’s worked so far.