Are people that horrible or is it really me?
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,966
For me, it was a matter of self-worth. My childhood trauma took away many good feeling I used to have about myself as a person worthy of being loved. People appeared cruel and hateful towards me. I internalized that hurt and thought very little of myself.
With a recovery practice I feel wonderful about who I am. I learned to let-go of those things that drag me down and gravitate to people/places and things that lift me up. As a result the opinions of others that hate no longer effect me negatively.
With a recovery practice I feel wonderful about who I am. I learned to let-go of those things that drag me down and gravitate to people/places and things that lift me up. As a result the opinions of others that hate no longer effect me negatively.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Hi Suzie,
I have read your post quite a few times and my mind has been all over the place with this.
First of all I think that unfortunately many people are just horrible. That's the first thing that comes to mind when I read the thread topic.
Is it just my personality or is it something to do with the alcohol that caused people to treat me badly? But people were treating me horribly my whole life so which came first?
And yes you make sense I have experienced situations where I have not responded to someone's attacks for years and as soon as I retaliate then I am the *******. Of course I was usually drunk at the time that I let my true feelings be known. So that is there for them to attack as well.
I think that everyone has good and bad in them. I think I do. I put so much of my bad characteristics out there in the universe during my drinking career I just hope I can balance it out.
I know a few people that seem to be so pure and perfect and good, and I try to focus on learning from them. I found that I can learn from the bad though too so it's all an opportunity.
I don't think that it's okay for people to use you, and I'm sorry that you have been hurt. I got hurt too and then I decided to hurt myself because of it. Today I have a chance not to do that again and for that I am grateful. If we discover that there's people in our sober lives that are not bringing us joy or positive learning experiences then maybe we have to distance ourselves from them?
I have read your post quite a few times and my mind has been all over the place with this.
First of all I think that unfortunately many people are just horrible. That's the first thing that comes to mind when I read the thread topic.
Is it just my personality or is it something to do with the alcohol that caused people to treat me badly? But people were treating me horribly my whole life so which came first?
And yes you make sense I have experienced situations where I have not responded to someone's attacks for years and as soon as I retaliate then I am the *******. Of course I was usually drunk at the time that I let my true feelings be known. So that is there for them to attack as well.
I think that everyone has good and bad in them. I think I do. I put so much of my bad characteristics out there in the universe during my drinking career I just hope I can balance it out.
I know a few people that seem to be so pure and perfect and good, and I try to focus on learning from them. I found that I can learn from the bad though too so it's all an opportunity.
I don't think that it's okay for people to use you, and I'm sorry that you have been hurt. I got hurt too and then I decided to hurt myself because of it. Today I have a chance not to do that again and for that I am grateful. If we discover that there's people in our sober lives that are not bringing us joy or positive learning experiences then maybe we have to distance ourselves from them?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
Thank you to everyone who responded. Your words are so important to me and my recovery.
Today has been very hard, lots of cravings but I still have not had a drink. Today I’m thankful for all of you and SR. Thank you.
Today has been very hard, lots of cravings but I still have not had a drink. Today I’m thankful for all of you and SR. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Great Lakes
Posts: 139
I have been S*** on everyday my whole life .
That is why I am so kind to people .
When you stop drinking you need to find new friends , because you are no longer of any use to the people whom were taking advantage of you .
You can get through this !
Just my thoughts .
That is why I am so kind to people .
When you stop drinking you need to find new friends , because you are no longer of any use to the people whom were taking advantage of you .
You can get through this !
Just my thoughts .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
Rethinking this sentiment today....maybe it was me. I am honest, and a “tell you to your face” kind of person. To the world, I am an odd entity. Really thinking today, I’ve pissed off every person Ive ever met by being honest....drunk and honest....
I guess the next step is to go out in the world and be honest—sober—and see if I get the same response.
Feeling very alone today, no one to talk to who understands, but I won’t drink over it. Just trying to get thru and hoping it gets better or tomorrow is another day...
I guess the next step is to go out in the world and be honest—sober—and see if I get the same response.
Feeling very alone today, no one to talk to who understands, but I won’t drink over it. Just trying to get thru and hoping it gets better or tomorrow is another day...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Suzie - I also had a lot of issues with being too direct and alienating people with it in the past. Thinking it's always a good idea to share observations, facts, telling people naked truths... while frequently indulging in the opposite. Very hypocritical. I would not describe mine as honesty as it wasn't motivated by honesty and I told many lies, too. More just directness that is sometimes too insensitive. For me, this isn't just associated with my drinking, more a personality feature I need to work on.
I believe being honest (after so many years of frequent, dense, elaborate lies) is a main factor making me successful with abstinence now and feeling very satisfied with it. It's not always easy but very healing for sure, and a much more satisfying way to connect with others as well. Active addiction was often quite lonely for me even though I knew I wasn't alone with my problem.
I personally wouldn't ruminate too much on whether you were the problem or others while you were drinking, I think doing it differently now and in the future can be a much more forward approach. And establishing better boundaries with both self and others, if that was an issue.
I hope the day gets better for you soon
I believe being honest (after so many years of frequent, dense, elaborate lies) is a main factor making me successful with abstinence now and feeling very satisfied with it. It's not always easy but very healing for sure, and a much more satisfying way to connect with others as well. Active addiction was often quite lonely for me even though I knew I wasn't alone with my problem.
I personally wouldn't ruminate too much on whether you were the problem or others while you were drinking, I think doing it differently now and in the future can be a much more forward approach. And establishing better boundaries with both self and others, if that was an issue.
I hope the day gets better for you soon
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
A wise person once taught me that honesty is a gift. When you give someone a gift you set it on the table. When they are ready for it, they will open it.
If you throw it at them, they will not see it as a gift. And they will not receive it.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
If you throw it at them, they will not see it as a gift. And they will not receive it.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
A wise person once taught me that honesty is a gift. When you give someone a gift you set it on the table. When they are ready for it, they will open it.
If you throw it at them, they will not see it as a gift. And they will not receive it.
If you throw it at them, they will not see it as a gift. And they will not receive it.
This was exactly what I needed to read this morning. It is helping to center me in the maelstrom of my thoughts that are occurring around a relationship I am experiencing with a fellow alcoholic in my home group at the moment. As long as I suit up and show up in places where recovery is taking place...I have faith that help is on the way!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 112
Personally, within reason, I generally don't care what people think of me outside of my friends and family. Being Mr. Nice Guy in the past has gotten me nowhere expect people taking advantage of me. That said I'm always polite to everyone and treat everyone with respect. You do that and chances most people are going to like you but you can't live for other people. You got to be yourself. If you are a nerd, you're a nerd, if you're a jock, you're a jock, if you are a punk rocker then be a punk rocker etc...
No matter who you are people are always going to talk trash so don't sweat it. Just be yourself and be nice and kind to everyone and things will work themselves out.
As others have mentioned stay away from people who have bad morals and do questionable things they will bring you down and if you hang out with them people will associate their behaviors with you.
No matter who you are people are always going to talk trash so don't sweat it. Just be yourself and be nice and kind to everyone and things will work themselves out.
As others have mentioned stay away from people who have bad morals and do questionable things they will bring you down and if you hang out with them people will associate their behaviors with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I take the approach of:
Its none of my business what anyone thinks of me.
Its also not anyone's business what I think of them.
Staying in my own lane is really how I am trying to live my life. This is my side. That is your side. Lets stay on our sides. You do you, kind of thing.
Its none of my business what anyone thinks of me.
Its also not anyone's business what I think of them.
Staying in my own lane is really how I am trying to live my life. This is my side. That is your side. Lets stay on our sides. You do you, kind of thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Suzieq17 
Night of sober Day 3 ponderings...
Is it my disease that made me a target for people to always make me the butt of the joke? I never retaliated, because if I did, then I would be labeled the troublemaker—does that even make sense?
And are “normal” people (those without alcoholism) really good moral beings, and I’m just clouded by my disease and that’s why I’m social garbage to them and I feel like they are horrible people?
In this era of social media, and the desperation to “show” the world how great your life is—I never bit on it and see how it affects so many people negatively BUT somehow my disease makes me less than even though I am a good moral person with a genuine problem?
And was it ok for people to be nice to me and use me for my kindness when it suited their agenda but then be ashamed of me when I didn’t fit their needs anymore? I’m not talking about other addicts here—people in general....
These are my thoughts. Just getting them out of my head. I’ve been told addicts are completely self centered and self absorbed and Im
just trying to understand.,The thoughts make sense to me, it’s the answers I’m looking for and have been for a while....off to my meeting
Is it my disease that made me a target for people to always make me the butt of the joke? I never retaliated, because if I did, then I would be labeled the troublemaker—does that even make sense?
And are “normal” people (those without alcoholism) really good moral beings, and I’m just clouded by my disease and that’s why I’m social garbage to them and I feel like they are horrible people?
In this era of social media, and the desperation to “show” the world how great your life is—I never bit on it and see how it affects so many people negatively BUT somehow my disease makes me less than even though I am a good moral person with a genuine problem?
And was it ok for people to be nice to me and use me for my kindness when it suited their agenda but then be ashamed of me when I didn’t fit their needs anymore? I’m not talking about other addicts here—people in general....
These are my thoughts. Just getting them out of my head. I’ve been told addicts are completely self centered and self absorbed and Im
just trying to understand.,The thoughts make sense to me, it’s the answers I’m looking for and have been for a while....off to my meeting
While I don't recall ever really reflecting the same overtly "people are against me" thoughts... what I can definitely relate to is how for many years I felt "not good enough", quietly judged, comparing myself to others..... maybe that's still with me a bit.
However, I feel a LOT more comfortable in my own skin these days and a thousand times less apt to really pay much concern in the direction of what others may be thinking or how their comments about me may reflect on me. I focused a lot in my sobriety on just working on being the person I want to be, beginning to consciously sort out my values, working to honor those values, and generally being less hard on myself. It turns out.... I was my own worst enemy and critic and most of the time, when I felt any sort of horrible - when I plumbed the depths of that the issues didn't rest with other people. They rested in my own self talk, self beliefs, fears and pain.
I think that's pretty common amongst us alcoholics and addicts.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
This helped me so much I pass it along whenever I can.
The Taoists have a famous teaching about an empty boat that rams into your boat in the middle of a river. While you probably wouldn’t be angry at an empty boat, you might well become enraged if someone were at its helm.
The point of the story is that the parents who didn’t see you, the other kids who teased you as a child, the driver who aggressively tailgated you yesterday – are all in fact empty, rudderless boats. They were compulsively driven to act as they did by their own unexamined wounds, therefore they did not know what they were doing and had little control over it.Just as an empty boat that rams into us isn’t targeting us, so too people who act unkindly are driven along by the unconscious force of their own wounding and pain.
Until we realize this, we will remain prisoners of our grievance, our past, and our victim identity, all of which keep us from opening to the more powerful currents of life and love that are always flowing through the present moment.
https://thoughtcatalog.com/claudia-a...ortant-truths/
The Taoists have a famous teaching about an empty boat that rams into your boat in the middle of a river. While you probably wouldn’t be angry at an empty boat, you might well become enraged if someone were at its helm.
The point of the story is that the parents who didn’t see you, the other kids who teased you as a child, the driver who aggressively tailgated you yesterday – are all in fact empty, rudderless boats. They were compulsively driven to act as they did by their own unexamined wounds, therefore they did not know what they were doing and had little control over it.Just as an empty boat that rams into us isn’t targeting us, so too people who act unkindly are driven along by the unconscious force of their own wounding and pain.
Until we realize this, we will remain prisoners of our grievance, our past, and our victim identity, all of which keep us from opening to the more powerful currents of life and love that are always flowing through the present moment.
https://thoughtcatalog.com/claudia-a...ortant-truths/
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