Suzieq17

Night of sober Day 3 ponderings...

Is it my disease that made me a target for people to always make me the butt of the joke? I never retaliated, because if I did, then I would be labeled the troublemaker—does that even make sense?

And are “normal” people (those without alcoholism) really good moral beings, and I’m just clouded by my disease and that’s why I’m social garbage to them and I feel like they are horrible people?

In this era of social media, and the desperation to “show” the world how great your life is—I never bit on it and see how it affects so many people negatively BUT somehow my disease makes me less than even though I am a good moral person with a genuine problem?

And was it ok for people to be nice to me and use me for my kindness when it suited their agenda but then be ashamed of me when I didn’t fit their needs anymore? I’m not talking about other addicts here—people in general....

These are my thoughts. Just getting them out of my head. I’ve been told addicts are completely self centered and self absorbed and Im
just trying to understand.,The thoughts make sense to me, it’s the answers I’m looking for and have been for a while....off to my meeting

Willbilly

People who have not suffered from AUD have little understanding of it. Hell, I had little understanding until I 'really' tried to quit. Then I started researching. It was quite eye opening.

There are hundreds/thousands/millions/billions of different people. All have their quarks. I've met 'normies' who are jerks and I've met alcoholics who are jerks.

In the end, what they think really doesn't matter. This journey is yours, and we are here to support you.

Mitra

I find as a drinker people seem to get a pass mistreating me especially when veiled as a joke. For example, I mentioned to family members a few years back that I was concerned because I thought I heard sounds coming from my attic. Someone hollered,”just your DTs!” Maybe I earned that reputation but I was still humiliated.

Vincent484

It's not just drinking and it's not just you. People are judgmental and gossip. That's just the nature of people. I've read it has to do with our survival instincts. You could be the perfect person and you'd still have people doing it.

Once you realize that it's easy to just accept it and not take it personally.

PuckLuck

Just one of the examples of how we can be self centered is worrying too much about how the "normies" (I hate that) view us. Who cares how they view us? People have enough going on in their own lives to give a crap about if someone drinks too much. Just my thoughts.

Steely

My eyes were opened wide as soon as I joined FB. The cruelty of people amazed me. I'm ditching it.

I've been butt of jokes too, Suzieq, but as soon as I got some sober time up things changed. I gained the power to never let them get away with it again.

Think too that when I was drinking I somehow deserved it. No longer will that be.

Say something when others do this to you Suzieq, you are deserving of the best. The fact that you posted your ponderings is proof of that. Proof of a good person. ❤️

Joke's over, Suzieq. Remind them of "people who live in glass houses".

nez

What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.

Before recovery, even though I knew that deep down inside I was a good person,
I still thought I was less than...
I still felt less than...
I still imagined I was less than...

In recovery,
I no longer, think, feel, nor imagine that I am less than.
I no longer spend any time on what other people think, feel, or imagine about me.

In recovery, my whole attitude and outlook on life has changed.
I can't be sure and it could be coincidence, but as I got better, so did everybody else.

Suzieq17

Thank you for the responses.

Steely—you have me in tears, they were bound to flow...❤️...I don’t think I’m used to kindness, don’t know how to accept it in my life....

My 3rd meeting is complete, all women’s group tonight, lots of community and connection and understanding in the group. I still just listened. I might listen for a long time, I feel I haven’t been listening for so very long....to bed for tonight.

Dee74

I try always to surround myself with good people.

D

Steely

And now you've got me in tears Suzieq. God love you.

Like you, I'm not used to kindness. Didn't think I deserved any kindness. But we do, just couldn't see it. Feel it deeply. I'm still learning.

We rock!

BeABetterMan

Suzie, I think you just might get this. Keep that butt in meetings and wait for the miracles...patiently.

Velvetee

Suz, just focus on yourself and on "the good". Kindness is getting lost these days, and we can't control what happens around us.

Buttery

I don’t believe anyone is “normal”. We have an obvious problem but once treated and recovered we can move on and be better people. Many “normal” people will never move on and be nice. Can only work on your self and how you want to be as a person.
I have met some lovely people in recovery and others who have scared the life out of me. Now that I’m sober I try to surround my self with people who I actually like to spend time with. Personally I’m open about my past as it was real and believe it has made me a more caring and compassionate person as I know what it feels like to be hitting rock bottom and do aweful things. I have owned up to them, made some but not all apologies and moved on. There are some people I will never be able to make amends with but I hope the day they find out I got sober and bettered my self it will be enough. I can only do my best to be a better person as can everyone else in the world.

PeaceManic

My family seem to think it was my fault I got assaulted because I was drinking. Oh well. Learned the hard way honesty is never the best policy.

Sammy1980

Yes people can be so mean! Every mean comment brought me down so hard that I almost didn't make it back up.
Well I have made it back up and I will never go down that low again!
I was a heavy drinker but never did anything to anyone to be treated the way I was treated. I have been sober almost a year now and I will never forget the comments made, not even sure I can forgive some people.
I was sober for about 6 months when someone asked me why? They said " what happened that you stopped drinking, did you get a DUI or a bad health checkup? What are you not telling us. (WOW) I just didn't even reply to that comment.
I am very happy now and being sober is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Nonsensical

If it really is "always", then you should hang out with different people.
If it's not really "always" then you might want to ponder more useful topics.
How will I stay sober today? or How will I build my happiest life?
Finding those answers tends to resolve most of the others.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Mizz

People. This world with all its people and opinions and thoughts.

I think some individuals can be complete assholes and it doesn't matter if they are in recovery or not. People in recovery can be awful. People not in recovery can be awful. People and all their hang ups. My hang ups. Your hang ups. Our ****. Their ****. We are all on a big planet circling another big planet. Its weird and uncomfortable.

I am very careful these days about whom I let into my life and what I tell people.

What is this "normal" people? Who is normal? I have not met one person that has not had an issue of some sort or challenges in their life.....I don't like to think in terms of Normal people and then Alcoholics. I dont really know what that is?

Just because I abused alcohol, it doesn't mean that I haven't lived on this planet dealing with all the same **** others have. I am now working towards not abusing a substance but it doesn't make me less than. It doesn't mean that I know less. It doesn't mean that I cant live life and make adult decisions. It only means that I have a particular challenge that I am working to overcome. So are you. The "normal" people have their own set of particular challenges that they get to work through.

You are good. You are searching for tools to help you to be successful in overcoming your particular challenge. A lot of people dont even work through their **** alcoholic or not.

I dont know if any of the above is on topic but that is my take of the OG post.

Social media is a terrible place for even the strongest of people.

Anna

My advice is to surround yourself only with people who support you. Get rid of all the toxic people in your life, those who bring you down. It's so important in recovery and in life to be with people who genuinely care about you.

Nathan57

Just my thoughts - I never thought I had a "disease" - it was a choice.

People were nice to me - I was a jerk. I had to stop looking for others to blame and look inside.

Aellyce

I like what Mizz P and Nathan said. Some people are jerks and it's better to stay away from them as much as possible. In addition to looking at my behavior in general, I find it the most useful to look at my reactions to other people (both the negative and overly positive ones), because sometimes there is a lot of projection in it. If it is not an easy choice to avoid toxic people, I think setting and maintaining solid boundaries is a good strategy. The latter is not always easy for people in early recovery because we have become so used to being disinhibited when under the influence, but a very useful practice. I think self-aware people with a reasonably healthy mind usually appreciate others who have good boundaries. Insecure bullies tend to pray on the most vulnerable.