freedomfries

And I can't afford to go to a rehab that isn't a Jesus camp

I'm starting my final year of college in two weeks. I need to get my degree

im not drinking much because of the Antabuse. I only had 100ml of vodka
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I dunno. Maybe I can integrate an occasional 100ml of vodka into my life. 100ml isn't much. I got a nice buzz.

I have 100ml left over. I might drink it tonight

Or maybe I pour it out and start a sober life. Decisions, decisions.

Philemon

FF I really feel for you, I wish I could say some magical thing that would make you see how pointless the drinking is. And how dangerous it is with the antabuse. You have so much ahead of you, if you could just see that.

Be123

Hi FF - with the very best will in the world your current plan is not working. I know you are working hard for your sobriety but the plan you have is not working for you. I don't know anything about Antabuse but I have read the comments and would go as far as to say that you are putting yourself at risk by continuing to drink whilst taking it.

If you CANNOT stop go back to your Doctor and tell her that. Take the pressure off yourself and go and tell a medical professional - if she does not help then go to another and another until they do.

Or you could continue to drink. Unfortunately that option remains open to you.

But whichever way you decide, it feels like the experiment of the current method has run its course

Dee74

You know thats nonsense FF.

Once your addiction has bargained for a certain amount of drinking being ok - ie not making you too sick on antabuse - you're in some deep water.

The only real viable choice - if you want change is - is to make change.

I'm all for whatever works - AA AVRT, rehab - but they all have to have the common element of you/me/us putting in effort.

I put a great deal of time effort and thought into drinking.
I had to put even more time effort and thought into not drinking.

I know its sucks. You're young and the last thing you want to do is deal with this stuff - but the longer you leave it the harder it's gonna be and the fewer dreams and aspirations you're going to be able to realise.

Maybe its time to come clean and ask the opinion of those around you what you should do next.

D

freedomfries

I had a bit more vodka then I poured the rest out. I'm starting my sober journey now.

I'm going to use AVRT to stay sober.

I want to go back to college sober and get my degree and start my mech engineering career.

I'm seeing a counselor tomorrow. I'm going to tell her I need help staying sober.

I hope the antabuse won't have too bad an effect on me.

Dee74

As you know, I've always suggested a meeting based support structure for you, one that you can call on in times of trouble...but it's your journey man

If you think AVRT is the way for you, my advice is to visit the secular forums here and engage with those guys...

There's not a lot of hand holding or touchy feely moments down there....but maybe that's what you need?
D

freedomfries

I downloaded The Joy of Being Sober audiobook. Listening to it now. I hope it helps.

Be123

FF - do you think downloading a book and 'hoping it helps' is an appropriate response? I've got to be honest - it doesn't seem it to me.

I spent 2 years on here before I got sober, and I could only get sober when my world fell apart. So I am NOT judging, I have no right to judge, but I am trying to help.

I think you need to make some serious efforts to get dry. Rehab, medical support, AA, go on a pilgrimage...

Otherwise mate, I've got a feeling you're going to hang around here until something goes seriously wrong for you

vkf

I just hit 109 days for the first time in about 19 years. I can say without a doubt there is NO going back and forth moderation method that works. 0, none. Sobriety is a all or nothing deal. Really don't want to sound discouraging but the what if game is dangerous.

Being sober is worth it. Waking up everyday without regrets, guilt, anger and feeling like death is awesome in every way. The sense of calm and peace can't even be described.

Reid82

Your addiction is playing tricks with your mind, FF. There is no such thing as simply having a few here and there, IT WILL NOT WORK.

You need to throw everything at this now, there's plenty of help out there, whatever you choose.

Renegade2

Hi FF.

It's not easy, but you can. Stay focus, stay away from the bottles, get yourself busy and take one day at a time.
You can do it.

ReadyAtLast

This might be the wrong thing to say but if you are going to keep drinking please stop taking the antabuse. Antabuse wont get you sober but will make you really I'll or kill you if you do drink.

Nonsensical

You'd rather drink while taking antabuse than go to a rehab where they also mention Jesus?

At the end I would have gone to Invisible Poop Demon Camp if somebody here would have told me it would help me get my life back.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Sober45

Hats off to you for continuing to try, FF. If this were easy none of us would be here.

It looks like you are not convinced that life will be better without alcohol. So you keep trying to moderate because life will be pointless and boring without that buzz. I felt that way for many years. I tried every method of moderation you can think of.

I had to let the fantasy go. And then I needed a really good plan for replacing alcohol. And then I needed to find a way to keep my new vision alive...which I do by coming here.

Bottom line, my life is better without alcohol now. I feel good about myself. No more questioning things. This is what happens when we sustain our efforts in staying sober. It takes time but it certainly does happen.

Renegade2

Just try it FF! Live is SO much better without alcohol! I wouldn't even remember how it was, but now, I'm re-living again and it feels amazing, an awakening in so many ways.

freedomfries

I'm enjoying The Joy of Being Sober.

The author has really been there. I've never read a book where I thought "****. She's really been there".

She was rude to people. She got arrested. She drank in parks. She drank mouthwash. She was just as hopeless as me and recovered. This book is giving me hope.

freedomfries

She uses AVRT which is my preferred recovery method! This book is really speaking to me.

Philemon

This is an excellent place to start
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
I don't know if you have the book "The New Cure" by Jack Trimpey but that teaches you all you need to know about RR and AVRT.
I am using it and find it suits me perfectly. Go for it But if it doesn't suit, as you know, ton of other things out there

freedomfries

I've read the threads and the book. Time to put what I've learnt into practice.

Philemon

Yes it is never too soon, what are you waiting for?