Notices

I cant stop

Old 09-08-2020, 07:06 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sober45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Awesome, FF. If the book/method is speaking to you, you're on to something. Go with it.

If there's one thing about Engineering students, they are a smart bunch. Use your analytical thinking skills to think your way out of this.

It seem to me that those who don't follow the spiritual route, need to rely on their own critical thinking and the support of like minded peers.
Sober45 is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 07:09 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,516
Originally Posted by Philemon View Post
Yes it is never too soon, what are you waiting for?
I'm starting now. 11:09am on Sept 8th 2020 was my last gulp of alcohol.
freedomfries is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 07:10 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,326
I'm glad the book is helping you and that you're here seeking support.

You can get sober and recover if you want to, but you must be really motivated to make it work. If you're open to drinking vodka regularly, I don't think sobriety will wrk for you.

You said you need to get your degree, finish your education. I think that would be much easier to achieve if alcohol was out of the picture.
Anna is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 08:13 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Hey ff, I really hope you find your way out.

I'm going to check in to Jesus Camp in a few days because nothing else has worked. I hope it's not like AA where it basically makes me think I'm not that bad and screw all this religious crap and I'm going to the pub because at least those guys are fun even if they are a bunch of pathetic drunks.

If AA were open, I'd try it again. I'm that desperate. Zoom meetings just annoy me even more than physical meetings because one of the triggers I'm dealing with is the stupid overreaction to this chest cold and how awful people are at basic math that they let themselves be controlled and muzzled and physically separated from other human beings (an old form of psychological torture) etc.

Wish me luck at Jesus Camp! Can't be any worse than the despair I feel after blowing my sobriety for the 1000th time.

Good luck with AVRT. That kept me sober for about a year last time.
ImNotThatGuy is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 09:32 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,770
Whatever method you utilize, freedomfries, jump in with both feet and give it all you have. Your future truly depends on it. You are still beautifully young and can make your life what you want it to be. The choices for your future could drastically diminish if alcohol remains in your life.

Make sobriety your way of life, freedomfries. You deserve a good one.

SoberLeigh is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 09:33 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,770
Best of luck, ImNotThatGuy; rooting for you!
SoberLeigh is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 09:53 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey ff,
What happens if you decide to drink again?
Just wondering if you have a contingency plan.

If you're in the US, it's my understanding that there are county and/or state facilities that offer rehab at a bargain rate down to and including zero dollars. I imagine there would not be Jesus in those halls (unless you want him to be).

O
Obladi is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 09:58 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by freedomfries View Post
I'm starting now. 11:09am on Sept 8th 2020 was my last gulp of alcohol.
You might want to remember where you posted that the next time you want to drink.

Just drink something else next time. As long as you don't swallow alcohol - you'll be okay.
LumenandNyx is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 11:01 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Gabe1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Good for you
Gabe1980 is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 12:34 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
BeABetterMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
FF, you are kind of a mess right now. I can sense your desperation, mainly because I've been there. You're trying to rationalize with your drinking. "Maybe I can drink 100ml only", "I don't want a Jesus rehab", "I'll read a book and that will fix it". You're doing what so many of us alcoholics try to do and that is to be in control. You want to drink on your terms and you want to quit on your terms. The sad truth is that you have already tried that, I'm guessing countless times, and yet here you are drunk. The first step is to admit that you have lost the ability to choose to drink/not drink. You have lost control. Admitting that brings you to a state of humility and surrender. A state where you admit that this can't be done on your own, or it already would have. Some people on these boards have done it and my hats off to them, but so far, you have not shown that ability. I know that I do not have that ability. Not because AA told me that, but because I tried and tried and tried and tried. I tried every method you have and 1000s more. On top of me trying my own methods, I even went to several outpatient treatment facilities, detoxes and some nice jails. Except for one outpatient program (that was a mindfulness based program - which was great by the way), all of the others incorporated AA and the twelve steps. But I never dedicated myself to AA so I failed. Today, AA is a huge part of my life and the reason I am sober right now, even though I am going through some very difficult times that used to make me drink heavily.

My recommendation to someone who has lost the ability to control their drinking is always the same, go to AA and learn to live a life without alcohol. Your way isn't working.
BeABetterMan is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 10:47 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,516
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan View Post
FF, you are kind of a mess right now. I can sense your desperation, vmainly because I've been there. You're trying to rationalize with your drinking. "Maybe I can drink 100ml only", "I don't want a Jesus rehab", "I'll read a book and that will fix it". You're doing what so many of us alcoholics try to do and that is to be in control. You want to drink on your terms and you want to quit on your terms. The sad truth is that you have already tried that, I'm guessing countless times, and yet here you are drunk. The first step is to admit that you have lost the ability to choose to drink/not drink. You have lost control. Admitting that brings you to a state of humility and surrender. A state where you admit that this can't be done on your own, or it already would have. Some people on these boards have done it and my hats off to them, but so far, you have not shown that ability. I know that I do not have that ability. Not because AA told me that, but because I tried and tried and tried and tried. I tried every method you have and 1000s more. On top of me trying my own methods, I even went to several outpatient treatment facilities, detoxes and some nice jails. Except for one outpatient program (that was a mindfulness based program - which was great by the way), all of the others incorporated AA and the twelve steps. But I never dedicated myself to AA so I failed. Today, AA is a huge part of my life and the reason I am sober right now, even though I am going through some very difficult times that used to make me drink heavily.

My recommendation to someone who has lost the ability to control their drinking is always the same, go to AA and learn to live a life without alcohol. Your way isn't working.
AA just isn't for me. I will be attending SMART Recovery meetings though.
freedomfries is offline  
Old 09-08-2020, 11:23 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
BeABetterMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
You know yourself better than anyone. I wish you the best of luck. 🙏
BeABetterMan is offline  
Old 09-09-2020, 01:07 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: England
Posts: 315
The base line of any method FF though, is you have to WANT to stop.
Whether it's AVRT, Smart, AA you have to really see before you even start, that drinking holds nothing for you, that it's not worth it.
Of course, your body/brain will still urge you to drink, the different methods help the part of you that doesn't want to drink to stop acting on it.
I imagine my youngest son is older than you and he is in deep deep trouble with the drink. But there is no helping him, because he doesn't see he is and doesn't want to stop, he still thinks whatever he gets from drinking is worth it.
I can see him dying from this, like I've seen other people die from it. Every single one of them died still asking people to bring drink to the hospital for them, the excuse in the end? I'm dying anyway.
There will always be an excuse to drink, right until it kills you.

Philemon is offline  
Old 09-09-2020, 03:49 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Sobriety just wasn't for me either.
Just like AA wasn't.

I was a card carrying member of the "AA No Way" club for a long time. But it was the only reliable game in town that was available to me every day several times a day. I needed that much support (and work on my own) to stay stopped. AA is a "suggested" program of recovery that allows enough wiggle room for the most stubborn independent thinker to succeed. The people of AA can make things more difficult - because they are limited just the same as you and I are limited. But the program? All it requires is the desire to not drink, to be willing to believe there is a strength greater than yourself, and to be the best version of a human being as you can be.

If you read the first 164 pages of the AA big book with the filter the writers themselves employed, "we know only a little... more will be revealed," you might see things differently. I sure did. Powerless over alcohol? Bah. That's all they knew in 1935. We now know that we are powerless over our own addictions - it's a fact and there's nothing to be done to reverse it. All those slogans people spout? Whatever. Works for them. But if it ain't in the first 164 pages, it's just people doing their thing and being human, like people will insist on doing.

I sound like a Big Book thumper! What I really am is a person who was desperate enough to try many avenues to get out of my desperate state. AA is not my singular program of recovery, but it's part of it. Principles, ideas and assistance from a variety of areas are what are helping me to stay sober. Therapy, SMART Recovery and it's precursor AVRT, rehabs, IOP, Refuge Recovery, youtube, TED Talks, Brene Brown, SR, AA, individual connections, meditation, writing, gratitude, routine... it's all of that and more.

It takes what it takes.

If reading a book does it for you, then I will be very happy for you.

But you know and I know that it's not the book or the program - it's you who ultimately decides if you want to continue taking your chances using a toxic substance that has proven to cause trouble for you. Or not. That's the start of the rest of it.

O
Obladi is offline  
Old 09-09-2020, 04:33 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: England
Posts: 315
[QUOTE=Obladi;7508157]

But you know and I know that it's not the book or the program - it's you who ultimately decides if you want to continue taking your chances using a toxic substance that has proven to cause trouble for you. Or not. That's the start of the rest of it.

O[/QUOTE
I do not agree with the rest of what Obladi has written, but I do agree with this bit.
Philemon is offline  
Old 09-09-2020, 08:29 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
BeABetterMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Yes Obladi, you are 100. I wish I hadn’t resisted AA for so long. I just hope FF keeps his options open for the future. AA will always be there and doesn’t hold grudges.
BeABetterMan is offline  
Old 09-09-2020, 08:37 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sober369's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
I love that book, too, FF! It made a huge difference for me. I hope it does for you, too!
Sober369 is offline  
Old 09-09-2020, 11:01 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Bobbieka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
I have read The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, it's a great book. There are a lot of others I think you could relate to. Drinking a Love Story was probably one of my favorites. But, truth is, the books didn't make me sober. The work did. Showing up when I said I would. Going to meetings. (whatever source you choose) And, supporting others and doing service work.

What didn't get me sober was excuses. "Jesus Camp", AA is too religious, etc. I made all of those. Until I finally just went all in and said, I'm freaking doing this. Whatever it takes. If I hear something that isn't aligned with my belief system, I do what they say and "take what I need and leave the rest".

I hope you find what you are looking for, but I believe you have a great start, being here. You can do this.
Bobbieka is offline  
Old 09-11-2020, 04:01 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Not a native English speaker
 
Renegade2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Latin Europe
Posts: 152
Originally Posted by freedomfries View Post
AA just isn't for me. I will be attending SMART Recovery meetings though.
Sure. Everyone has different escape routes. I never attended anything. I'm facing my demons alone and, so far, I reached 12 days and won't stop. Is it tougher? Maybe. Set your own plan and stick to it. One day at a time. Keep your self busy.

Renegade2 is offline  
Old 09-11-2020, 04:10 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
MaximusD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
You know thats nonsense FF.

Once your addiction has bargained for a certain amount of drinking being ok - ie not making you too sick on antabuse - you're in some deep water.

The only real viable choice - if you want change is - is to make change.

I'm all for whatever works - AA AVRT, rehab - but they all have to have the common element of you/me/us putting in effort.

I put a great deal of time effort and thought into drinking.
I had to put even more time effort and thought into not drinking.

I know its sucks. You're young and the last thing you want to do is deal with this stuff - but the longer you leave it the harder it's gonna be and the fewer dreams and aspirations you're going to be able to realise.

Maybe its time to come clean and ask the opinion of those around you what you should do next.

D
This is exactly how I feel.
MaximusD is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:45 AM.